Banal Larry Crowne Bores Even the Biggest Tom Hanks Fans

"Larry Crowne" is a disappointment on multiple levels. First, and most important, is how truly awful a movie "Larry Crowne" is. Boring, banal, pointless and at times bordering on amateurish. Then there is the fact that the film stars two of the biggest stars of the past 25 years of film, Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks.

And finally, there is the fact that Tom Hanks co-wrote and directed this failure of sub-sitcom humor and cloying romance. Tom Hanks had shown so much promise as the director of the charming period rock n' roll movie "That Thing You Do." To see him deliver something as charm-free and banal as "Larry Crowne" is just sad.

Tom Hanks Nice Guy

Tom Hanks stars in the title role of Larry Crowne. Larry is maybe the nicest, sweetest guy you would ever want Tom Hanks to play; he's Forrest Gump minus most of the mental handicaps. Larry was in the Navy for more than 20 years but when asked about he's quick with a humble p'shaw and admittance that he was just a cook. Awww.

Larry's wife divorced him several years ago before they could have kids but after they had bought their suburban dream home. Since then, Larry has thrown himself into his work, taking great pride in being an eight time employee of the month at U-Mart, a Wal-Mart/Target Superstore clone.

Back to School

Unfortunately for Larry, he never went to college. At U-Mart you can only move up to management if you have a degree and without one, Larry can't move up so he must move on. Fired from his beloved retail job, Larry finds the job market unwelcoming. Lucky for him, his neighbor has an idea, Community College.

If Larry can get a degree maybe he can get his job back or an even better job. Is the movie over? No, it has only begun as Larry returns to school and immediately acquires a new best friend, a perfect pixie named Talia (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) who immediately sets about changing Larry's life around; new clothes, new haircut, new friends and boom, slightly new Larry.

Oh hey it's Julia Roberts

Meanwhile, in another movie, seemingly, Julia Roberts plays a slightly alcoholic Community College professor who happens to have Larry Crowne in one of her classes. From time to time the camera ditches Larry to follow the professor into her sad life with her porn addicted, unemployed husband (Bryan Cranston).

Oh if only she could get a little Larry time; his cuddliness and good humor would without a doubt brighten her day and solve all of troubles. Oops. I maybe should have offered a spoiler alert there. Then again, did you think "Larry Crowne" was going to star Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts and they weren't going to be matched up?

Will They or Won't They

The fact is, romantic comedies aren't about suspenseful plotting they're about setting believable, interesting, roadblocks between potential love mates and watching them humorously negotiate said roadblocks on their way to a chirpy happy ending. Rom-coms are about the journey and in the case of "Larry Crowne," it's not a great journey.

Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts demonstrate stunning lack of chemistry in "Larry Crowne." In fact, Hanks has a great deal more chemistry with young Gugu Mbatha-Raw than with Julia Roberts. That however, would a different, possibly more interesting movie. That movie would at least have the tension of a cross-racial May-December romance.

Tension Free, Interest Free

"Larry Crowne" has no tension whatsoever. As Roger Ebert points out perfectly in his review, Larry Crowne begins as a good guy and progresses through the movie as a good guy before ending as a good guy. There is no arc to "Larry Crowne." We know where the movie is going and it gets there with a minimum of humor and zero tension, as if complicating the plot might make the audience uncomfortable.

Oh, but there is the porn addict husband? He's a source of tension isn't he? He's played by Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston. That must be contentious? But it's not, the script deals the husband out of the story with such simplicity as to have simply forgot he was even there.

It's shocking and sad just how bad "Larry Crowne" is. I am a huge Tom Hanks fan but I cannot deny just how banal the whole thing is. The humor is amateurish, the romance is lifeless and perfunctory and the movie just sort stands around smiling pleasantly and hoping that all of the Tom Petty songs on the soundtrack, there are like a dozen of them, will be entertaining enough to distract from the dullness of what little story there is.