Bank of America to Man from Prosperity -- You're Dead to Me

COMMENTARY | On Feb. 10, ABC reported that Mr. Arthur Livingston of Prosperity, S.C., has been declared dead by Bank of America. And it's leaving him less than prosperous for the time being. Due to the bank's very slow process of correcting records to reflect that Livingston is alive and well, he can't secure a loan to finish building his new home. So far, he's been waiting for more than three months.

The mistake is being attributed to clerical error. ABC says the mistake most likely involved the death of someone else with the same name. Once the credit bureaus had the wrong man's death on file, it was over for the one who didn't die. No more credit for him -- his ability to get loans instantly flatlined. But while the living Arthur Livingston waits to be financially revived, oddly enough, he's reportedly still able to complete other transactions through Bank of America that involve depositing and spending money.

It seems like Bank of America, which knows Livingston is alive, could bypass the normal credit score requirement in order to lend him the money he needs. It only seems like fair compensation for virtually killing the man. But that isn't how it works. The man is DOA to BOA. The bank can certainly verify that he's alive. They've spoken to him over the course of the three months he's been waiting in credit-limbo-and it didn't require a séance. If ID and physical existence isn't proof positive enough, it could check his vitals before giving him the loan.

"The Colbert Report" features a segment in which the host declares things dead to him. On the "dead to me list" are things like forgiveness, owls, the cast of Friends, bowtie pasta and men with beards. Unlike with Bank of America, nothing actually happens to the people, places and things declared dead to Stephen Colbert. His is definitely the preferred list to be on.

Apparently, when Bank of America says "you're dead to me," it means business. No business, that is. In its defense, bringing someone back from death is surely a difficult undertaking. These things can't just be done with the click of a button. Oh wait-actually, it seems that they can.

After this mess finally gets sorted out, Livingston should take inspiration from Colbert and add the bank to his own "dead to me" list.