Bank of America, YOU SUCK!

First of all, you're not worthy to sport a name with "of America" in it, so if I weren't so interested in this post showing up in Google searches for you, I would simply refer to you as Bank of Suckbutt. Since I do want as many people as possible to find this post, though, I shall use your full name. Additionally, I'll preface this post with a simple yet entirely accurate insult: YOU SUCK!

My first interaction with Bank of America was some years ago when I worked for a temp agency doing data entry. I was paid by check, and since at that time I had no bank of my own at which to cash said check, I went to my employer's bank where they would surely honor the check since they were the issuers of it. I waited in line in the marble floored cathedral that was Bank of America's lobby, and happily approached the teller when my turn arrived. I should have gained some insight as to the type of institution Bank of America was simply by the look of suffering that decorated my teller's brow, but it wasn't until I was told that there would be a "cashing fee" of ten dollars that I was able to accurately conclude that Bank of America was a parasitic, oppressive, extortionist in the guise of a bank. Not having any choice in the matter, I allowed them their pound of flesh and left, vowing never to enter their doors again and, at every opportunity, to give them the woeful review that was due them.

I kept my vow (as I am so prone to do) and never once had any interaction with them again, as well as smearing their name whenever banking was the subject. Then two years ago, I bought a house and found to my chagrin that my mortgage had been immediately sold to Bank of America. The first thing they did was to calculate my taxes based on a school district located a good 30 miles away from me. After hours of phone conversations (the majority of which were spent navigating cryptic automated menus and listening to bad hold music), I was forced to do their job for them and acquire and submit proof of the actual applicable school district. They adjusted our mortgage to reflect their "best estimates" of the amount of escrow we would need at the end of the year, and raised our mortgage to an amount that was a little higher, yet still within our budget. That year came and went, and after they had paid the taxes on our behalf, they recalculated the amount they felt we would need for next year. Since they had overpaid our escrow account by $900 the previous year, they then lowered our mortgage by about $200 a month. When tax time came around again, they discovered that they had woefully underestimated the amount and so had to pay out of their own pocket. After realizing their mistake, they then took the amount they were short, divided it by 12, and added it to our mortgage, raising our mortgage by nearly $400 a month!

Coupling my past experience with Bank of America with the horrendous mismanagement and blatant ignorance displayed in the handling of our mortgage was enough in itself to cause my wife and I to seek refinancing with a reputable institution. But, when you also consider the recent accusations of fraud, illegal foreclosures, and newsworthy possibility of bankruptcy by Bank of America, it is in my opinion a VERY bad idea for anyone to remain their customer in any capacity. Internally, they are crumbling; the morale of Bank of America employees must also necessarily be suffering, the results of which manifest itself as apathy and mistakes that WE...you, I, and anybody else unfortunate enough to be in a financial relationship with Bank of America...have to pay for in one way or another. My recommendation and urging then to anybody who reads this is, if you are currently associated with Bank of America, JUMP SHIP IMMEDIATELY! If you are not, then make it a point to always steer clear of them. There are plenty of stable, reputable financial institutions out there who make customer service their number one priority. Why settle for an abusive relationship when you can have one that is fulfilling and beneficial?

Bank of America, you suck, and you are doomed by your own founding principles of treating your customers like mindless, soulless sheep to fall and crumble into extinction. The world will be a MUCH better place without your unscrupulous extorionistic practices in it, and I (along with multitudes of others) will personally rejoice in the day that you are no longer in business.

On a side note, my recommendation (based on my own personal experiences) is a twofold path. The most recommended path is for those who can qualify for membership to USAA. They are nationwide, stable, and without a doubt have built their reputation upon their passion for customer service. I'm not sure of all the details on qualification, but for the most part you either have to have been in the military or be related to someone at the grandparent level or closer who is or was. Out of desperation to get away from Bank of America, my wife and I called them up to talk about refinancing and within 20 minutes of nothing more than a phone conversation had been approved and the paperwork in the works to be Fed-Ex'd to us within two days.

If you're not able to join USAA, my next recommendation is to join your nearest Credit Union. Unlike banks, they seem to be MUCH less interested in extracting fees from you and are more of a "bank of the people". Credit unions will all have their own criteria for joining, but typically it isn't difficult at all to qualify for membership in most of them.

Banking is a necessity of life but there is no reason for you to remain in what amounts to an abusive financial relationship, as there are plenty of worthy alternatives to choose from. Never settle for less than stellar service, and always insist on the treatment you deserve. If that can't be had at your current financial institution, as is the case with Bank of America, then pack up your green backs and move on to a bank or credit union who is worthy of your business.