Bankruptcy and Foreclosure: Playing the Blame-Game

There is a lot of righteous indignation flying around these days. Self-proclaimed judges and impromptu juries have been set up in coffee shops, restaurants, homes, and places of business all across America, where indignant Americans sit back in the comfort of their warm and comfortable surroundings and judge their fellow citizens on their short-comings and obvious faults.

With so many people filing for bankruptcy and losing their homes these days, the current economic woe our country is going through is right in everyone's face. Every day as you drive around you pass probably hundreds of 'For Sale' signs. Every day when you read the paper you see fewer and fewer 'Help Wanted' ads. Times are tough and people are suffering. But instead of getting together and working towards a solution for all this suffering, most people would rather sit back and judge people on where they went wrong.

Perceived guilt affects our reactions to the sad things we see in life. When someone is diagnosed with lung cancer after 40 years of smoking, of course you feel sad for what they're going through, but you can't lie and say you don't feel they are wholly responsible and therefore less worthy of your sympathy. The sadness you feel for someone diagnosed with lung cancer who has never smoked a cigarette a day in their life is much more pronounced, and that person is seemingly much more worthy of your sympathy and support.

Our society is judging those going through bankruptcy and foreclosure through the filter of perceived guilt. Everyone assumes, "They asked for it" so "They deserve what they got" so "They don't deserve my sympathy." Depending on which political party you belong to, the fault gets placed on either (1) Big Business that forced people into making bad loan and credit decisions, and a complete lack of financial education in our school systems; or (2) greedy individuals who knew better but thought they could get something for nothing, and now they have to pay the price. "It's their own fault so don't expect us to help them or feel sorry for them."

The reality of the situation for most people is probably somewhere in-between these two schools of thought. Yes, businesses are "greedy" in the sense that they want to stay in business and if they see a potential for making a profit, they will do what they can to capitalize on that. In most situations that's called "good business sense." And yes, the American educational system does absolutely nothing towards preparing students for life in the real world, even for basic things such as balancing a checkbook, how to avoid getting into too much credit card debt, or why you should open a savings account. And yes, there are many greedy people in the world who see an opportunity to get something for nothing and they pounce on it, not thinking or caring about the possible consequences of their actions.

However, to really understand what's happening to the people suffering through this current situation in America, you have to look at their individual situations. The truth of what's happening is that people were duped -- not only by their financial institutions in many situations, but also by their own hope in the future.

As an example, I will share our own personal struggle.

A couple of years ago my husband and I refinanced our house to provide the capital to start a business. Two months later, I was laid off from my job of five years. For the next few months my husband's job and our savings supported us as we tried to get the business off the ground and while I frantically searched for another job in a suddenly-dying job market. Six months later, with our savings running out and the business draining everything we had, there was no way to support both ourselves and the business until it took off, so we closed the business and had to file bankruptcy to take care of the debt. It was at about this time that I finally landed an amazing job with a huge media company, so even though our savings was gone, we at least had income to support us. The job lasted six weeks, when I was laid off with approximately 5,000 others from the company. After having a failed business, two layoffs in the same year, completely depleted savings, and no job prospects, we put up the white flag of surrender and we lost everything.

Everyone has their own unique story for why they're going through what they're going through. Some may want to share that story and some may not. Some are guilty of bringing this upon themselves and some are not. Some are outright victims of a greedy mortgage broker. Some thought they could play the interest-only game and come out on top. Some have lost loved ones and now have no way to provide for their family. Some lost their jobs and simply cannot find another one because no one is hiring.

Could we have done things differently in our own situation? Sure. Are we wholly at fault? No. Are we deserving of being judged by back-seat drivers who have never walked in our shoes? Definitely not. Be thankful you've never had to live through such a situation and use your good luck to help someone less fortunate. By "help" I'm not suggesting you have to go around handing out money. What I'm suggesting is that you do not place yourself up on a pedestal like you're better than the rest -- but instead, go out of your way to give a smile and lend a comforting and supportive shoulder to those suffering around you. "Support" does not have to mean monetary support. "Support" is still being a friend to someone going through a tough situation, instead of shunning them and feeling superior to them.

If you yourself don't want to ever be judged based on the filter of perceived guilt when something bad happens to you, have some compassion and stop treating your friends and neighbors like they brought this upon themselves. Even if they had a hand in it, we don't have the luxury of playing the blame-game right now. Now is when we need to come together and help all those in need. Once we've healed from this crisis, then we can start the work of educating and making changes to ensure this doesn't happen again.

For now, these self-proclaimed judges need to get off their high-horse and show some love and compassion.