Barack Obama Arrested in Cambridge

(Cambridge-MA) In the wake of the arrest of noted Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. by the Cambridge police after an alleged break in report at the professor's house, Barack Obama was detained for several hours yesterday evening after an unannounced visit to the area.

The incident occurred shortly after 11PM when it was reported to the Cambridge police department that "a large limousine with what appears to be a well dressed black man in it followed by three large SUVs is going to Harvard." Two Cambridge motorcycle police, Jon McManus and Emily Petraglia, were sent to investigate. They pulled over the limousine. In their report, they wrote, "The individual in the car became flip when we asked, 'License and registration.'" Replying, 'This is a joke, right?'"

McManus and Petraglia went on to report that the man identified himself as "President Barack Obama, I went to Harvard, right here in Cambridge." But after being asked to produce a transcript, "alleged President was noncompliant saying, 'That was over 20 years ago. I don't have it with me.'" The "alleged President" also was unable to produce any "significant identification proving he was the 44th President of the United States."

It was at that point that McManus and Petraglia arrested President Obama, escorting him and the three SUVs to the Cambridge police headquarters.

The incident provided more fuel to the smoldering racial fire when the six secret service agents guarding the President were immediately released. Donna Wilkenson, spokesperson for the Cambridge police department, denied that this was due to racial profiling. "The agents in question were released because they were able to provide suitable identification that they were in fact with the Secret Service. I should also add that two of them were African American or black if you prefer."

When asked if the "alleged" President proved to be the President, would not taking away his Secret Service guard be a threat to national security, Wilkenson replied, "It would be unconstitutional to detain individuals without cause. And with regards to assuring no harm would come to President Obama, the record of the Cambridge P.D speaks for itself."

President Obama was released when it was discovered Vice President Joe Biden placed the initial call, thinking "it would be a laugh, but I guess I was wrong, or maybe it was the Jim Beam talking," and after President Obama produced three forms of identification and had a notarized Harvard transcript faxed to the Cambridge police department.

Wilkenson said that "after producing these perfunctory documents, President Obama was swiftly released, and offered a police escort, which for some reason he declined."

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