Basic Tools for Teenagers Before Launching Them into the World

In spite of the squabbles and irritations that are bound to occur when there is a teenager in the house, most parents find the day that their child finally leaves home comes far too soon. Sure, you may have been so exasperated at times that you make comments like, "I will be so-o-o glad when this kid is out on his own." Or "I don't think I can take another day, (or week, or month) of this kid's behavior. Graduation day can't come too soon for me." But, the truth is, that when you are actually watching your child load his possessions into his car in preparation for moving out, it is much harder than you thought it would be.

This is natural. Most parents feel the same way, but something that we need to think about before that day does arrive, is to make sure we have done everything we possibly can to launch that child into the world with whatever he or she will need to make it in life.

I recently read a blog that suggested providing a locking safe and a file box for kids who are leaving home. Both are great ideas. Teens often end up having roommates for a while before they can afford a place of their own and making sure that they keep their personal papers, checkbooks, credit cards, etc. away from curious associates makes the locking safe an excellent idea. And, unsuspecting teens have no idea of the paperwork they will be required to keep tabs on after Mom or Dad are no longer there to do it for them. That's where the file box will come in handy. Assuming they have a job, there will be paycheck stubs, W-2 forms, records for income tax purposes, photos, and dozens of other things they will need to organize for future use.

While thinking about these items, several others came to mind that I consider extremely important for a young person leaving home for the first time.

1. At least a month's supply of groceries, toiletries, and snack foods.

Otherwise, they will be back, rummaging through your cupboards within hours of their departure. When you bid them good-bye, tell them that you have supplied them with enough to last until they get their first paycheck, and that after that they will be able to provide these items for themselves. (Of course, we all know that will never happen, but we need to at least make the effort.)

2. A copy of Dale Carnegie's, How To Win Friends & Influence People.

Of course you will have tried to get them to read this book several years before they depart, but your suggestions will have fallen on deaf ears. When they get out into the world and begin to understand that other people may not accept them and their personality quirks as unconditionally as their family did, they will be more than happy to read this book to find out what to do about it.

3. A small jar of bus tokens, and a few booklets of McDonald's coupons.

Since they learned to drive, riding the bus isn't "cool" anymore, but when they find out how much gasoline costs after they drive to work everyday for a month, they may decide that being "cool" isn't all it is cracked up to be. The same thing applies to eating at McDonald's. Hey, it's a tad better than Ramon Noodles for dinner all week long, especially when they take more out of your paycheck for taxes than they leave for you to live on.

All kidding aside, numbers 4, 5, and 6 on my list are probably the most important things of all.

4. Don't launch a teenager into the world without teaching them the basics of personal finance.

Sadly, most kids go out into the world without a clue of what it is going to cost them to live. Parents need to sit down with them long before they leave and talk about what a living wage means. They should already have their minds made up about a career. Teach them how to budget money. Give them a hypothetical income and have them list expected expenses, and figure out whether or not they could live within that budget. Throw in some unexpected expenses, and see what they would do about that. Let them know some of the problems that your family or some family you know has had to face. If you don't start training kids in personal finance and career choices when they are very young, the day of departure will suddenly appear ,and you will realize that you have failed in one of your most important jobs as a parent.

5. Don't launch your teen into the world without a decent value system.

A value system, whether you have done it consciously or not, has been forming in your teenager from his or her infancy. We wring our hands when we talk with our friends and bemoan the fact that no one seems to have any values any more. Our politicians are often corrupt; rape, murder, and robbery are rampant; all types of immorality are deemed acceptable; respect for others seems to be a thing of the past; and parents and teenagers alike use profanity without even realizing they have adopted it as part of their vocabulary.

If your teen's value system seems lacking, it will be a difficult job to change it at this late date, but, at least you should make the attempt. Whether they act like it or not, kids still do listen to what their parents have to say. Use every teachable moment to put a good word in for being the kind of person other people will respect.

6. Don't launch your teenager into the world without an anchor.

I once had a friend who bragged that she told all six of their children when they left home that if anything went wrong, not to come back and cry on her shoulder. Guess what? They never did. Who could blame them? If she had been my mother, she certainly would have been the last person I would ever have turned to for help.

The anchor I am referring to isn't one that ties your child tightly to you so that he can't make a move without you breathing over his shoulder. It doesn't mean paying his car payment for him because he has gone out to eat too many times during the month. It doesn't mean asking him constantly if he needs a few dollars to tide him over until payday. The anchor I am referring to isn't a ball and chain that makes it impossible for your child to ever establish a place of his own apart from his parents.

No. The anchor I envision is one that tells the child that you are there if they really need you. If he or she is sick, you will help them out; if, through no fault of their own, a job vanishes, you will do all you can to help them until they find another one. It means that you will always care about them; that there is still a connection between you so that if the going gets too rough, they can find their way back and wait for the storm, whatever it may be, to pass.

Finally, I think that one of the main reasons parents suffer so much from the "empty nest" syndrome is because they realize that there are so many things they forgot to do to prepare their child for the realities of living in the real world. If your teenager is getting impatient to "launch," get busy and make sure he or she is ready. If your child is ready, you are more likely to be ready, too.