Battle: Tea Party America

In the spirit of the hit movie "Battle: Los Angeles," comes an imaginary tale set in the near future after a half-term governor was elected president and began a despotic rule.

It's only been one year since the election of 2012 somehow ended with an unqualified idiot winning the job. The former half-term governor of a northern state hit the trail running, and began bombing London when the British government refused to cancel the 2012 Olympics.

"The Olympics come from Greece, and their a bunch of socialists," the newly elected president said. "In fact, them games were even in Natzee Germany, 'til Ronald Reagan moved 'em back to Russia where they belong, and where I can keep an eye on 'em from my house. Now them socialists in England wanna be holding the Olympics - not on our watch!"

Back in America, progressives were being rounded up and herded into designated "Lib Lands," the biggest of which was in the Pacific Northwest, with other small enclaves like New York City and Madison.

Unhappy with what was going on, a group of progressives had sent a radio message out, pleading for help from any who would listen. Unbeknown to anyone on Earth, the message was picked up by aliens passing by. It seems they took an interest in the plight of American progressives, and decided to intervene to save the Planet from abject stupidity.

First contact came when an exploratory alien expeditionary craft began descending over a field in Texas.

"It's Jesus, Praise the Lord!" an excited Texan exclaimed, watching the craft land. A group of evnagelicals were coming out of a church, and started running over to the landing site.

"Wonder why he didn't just take us right up, into the sky?" One worried worshiper wondered. As they approached the craft, several of the people who were unemployed came to understand they now had jobs, with good health care.

"Them be progressives, get 'em!" One riled up member shouted, as he drew a gun and began shooting wildly. Needless to say, the battle was short-lived, as the aliens quickly dispatched the attackers, sending them in search of their longed for afterlife.

Next, we join a battle group of Tea Party patriots forming up to engage the aliens outside of the newly named "Leadership Camp of the Christian States of America," which used to be known simply as the infield of the Daytona International Speedway.

"Get ta shoot us sum liberals, er, I mean aliens, Seth," one heavily armed patriot said.

"You mean Mexicans?" Another asked.

"Na, real aliens, from space, ya know, like in "Avatar."

"You mean them skinny blue tree huggin' homos that don't love Jesus?"

"Yep."

"Well, moon doggies, lock and load!"

"Battle, Tea Party America," raged for all of about 45 seconds, until the aliens were no longer amused and teleported all the tea militia to the dark side of the moon.