BDSM 101: The Basics of Bondage and Beyond

The TV portrays this lifestyle as taboo and usually out of control. They do not however do enough research to understand the reasons behind it, and the loving couples that practice this life. The following is some general information and some reasoning as to why this isn't such a terribly controlling fetish, just another way of living.

First there are some definitions to follow as to what BDSM stands for.

1. B & D - Bondage and Discipline
2. D & S - Domination and Submission
3. S & M - Sadism and Masochism

One of the things to keep in mind is that BDSM does not always mean a sexual relationship; however it should and must always mean a trusting relationship. Due to BDSM being intense and very overwhelming having any "scenes" or interactions like this with someone you do not trust will just create fear and animosity. Many people that enjoy the please of Dominance and Submission are deeply bonded friends that share nothing but this experience, no sex is involved ever. However a bigger majority are couples that live in what they call the vanilla world, and just delve into Sadism and Masochism in their private lives.

A major saying with people that live the BDSM lifestyle is SSC- Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If a person is a true Dominant or Submissive they live those rules and do not push far enough for someone to get killed or even hurt more than they truly want to anyway. Most D/s couples have safe words for the submissive to say when they have been pushed farther than they can handle.

Now what you might ask is really involved in this lifestyle, whips, chains and all those things? These can be used along with paddles and collars. However this isn't the true essence of what this life means. Whoever the Dominant is whether is be female or male, once they take on the role of Dominant they are agreeing to protect and care for their submissive in a way that husbands and wives rarely experience. They may control and punish their slave or submissive, but they also pleasure and deeply love them as well. Also keep in mind the submissive is going to them and seeks them out for exactly what they give. Submissives wants the control and sometimes but not always the pain involved, it is their desire and need. Most believe the Dominant is in control but truly it is the other way around. The submissive gives there self to the Dominant and in that giving they are in control. Also due to the safe word they have the ability to stop whatever is being done right there and then. Essentially the Dominant is at the submissive's call in a way.

The physiology of why people love this lifestyle is often referred to as sensation play. Meaning that while in a scene their might be pain inflicted without true injury. This creates a mass of endorphins which then instills a type of glow or the feeling like one has after climax. This glow can be escalated to extreme measures creating what submissives call "sub space". The space is when the submissive is so involved with sensation that pain longer registers, everything is just sensation and they want more.

In the brain the receptors that register and tell you to feel pain and pleasure overlap naturally, some more than others. Allowing people to gain please from pain and vice versa. This is the scientific reason for why people enjoy it, but if you ask a submissive or a Dominant why they live their lifestyle, you will here words like passion, need, deserve, and want not science.

Although this lifestyle is definitely not for everyone it is also not as taboo, and scary as people once thought. It is definitely not a cesspool for criminals, more the opposite. The people that love this life are intense and trustworthy and terribly respectful, because they have been taught to be so.