BDSM: What it is and What it Isn't

A lot of the time when BDSM is mentioned, people get this look of incredulity on their face or shrink away in fear. When asked what BDSM is, the common answer is kinky, perverted sexual practices. Some believe that it's a form of abuse, others believe it's just perversion, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

BDSM: Definitions

BDSM - Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism
B & D - Bondage & Discipline
D & S - Domination & Submission
S & M - Sadism & masochism

Myth 1: BDSM is all about sex

This is far from the truth. BDSM can be sexual, if a couple chooses it to be, but it's about so much more than the sex. A couple in the lifestyle could sustain their entire relationship without ever having sex in any fashion. Scening can be as simple as menial service of drinks or can go into a different realm of a sensual pain play that leaves the parties involved weak. Sexual contact does not need to occur to make a scene work.

Myth 2: All dominant women in the lifestyle are man-haters / All dominant men are women-haters.

This is laughable, in a sense, because if being a dominant means that you hate the other gender, there would be no straight people in the BDSM lifestyle. For a dominant man to hate his female partner, it would be considered abusive behavior and not tolerated in the lifestyle. The same goes for a dominant female with a male partner. In fact, it goes that way for any dominant/submissive partnership. No matter the lifestyle choice, abuse is abuse.

Myth 3: I am dominant, you must respect me.

Being dominant does not garner a person instant respect, one must earn it through their actions. They must treat everyone the way they would wish to be treated. Being dominant does not make one person superior to another, no matter their position within the lifestyle. Respect and dominance go hand in hand, one gains respect through their dominance in the way that they treat their submissive. If a submissive does not respect their dominant they are more likely to disobey, especially if they are part of a public lifestyle, making the dominant lose the respect of others.

Myth 4: Switches just can't decide.

A switch enjoys being on both sides of the lifestyle. They do not always want to be the dominant, nor do they always want to be the submissive. They want to experience both being dominant and being dominated. Everyone has their individual preferences. Some enjoy being the dominant, being in control of the situation while others enjoy being submissive and giving up their control to another. A switch wants to be able to be in control or give up control when it suits their needs.

Myth 5: A submissive/slave has no rights.

As long as a submissive/slave is living and breathing, they have the same rights as any other living human being. Because they are submissive, it doesn't mean that they do not have their own mind to make a decision. They made the decision to be submissive, they make the decision how much control they are willing to give up to their dominant, they decide when it's time to stop giving up that control as well. A submissive/slave has the right to set limits for themselves and decide when and what is going to far. In a lot of ways, the submissive get more control and rights than the dominant does.

Conclusion:

Most of what you hear what you hear bad about the BDSM lifestyle comes from people who don't truly understand the lifestyle or have had bad experiences in the lifestyle. Those who don't understand the lifestyle, can't tell you what it's truly about and those who have had bad experiences will focus on the bad and forget any good that they had. If you truly want to learn about the BDSM lifestyle, one needs to find someone who has been part of the lifestyle in an active role. There are a lot of fakers out there who will tell you that they are into BDSM, or part of the lifestyle but have never seen the inside of a dungeon or seen the true joys of a scene.