BDSM: Pain Fetish VS. Control Need

The major stereotype for the Dominant/submissive lifestyle is that if you are a submissive male or female you want pain when this is actually incorrect. Although BDSM can and very often involves pain this is not a requirement for many submissives to endure.

Many submissives desire for the BDSM lifestyle stems from their need to be controlled. After a long hard day in the office, or their life where they control every minute detail, slipping into a reality where they have no control is comforting. For submissives this is like slipping into a safe cocoon where they are controlled and protected. Being told what to eat, what to wear, and how to kneel is just as cathartic as a massage. This allows the submissive to slip into what they call "sub space" where they think of nothing but pleasing their Dominant nothing of their day or their concerns just pleasuring the person they serve and love. The feeling of leather binding them to their bed making it impossible to move is like an embrace. This isn't embarrassment or belittlement of their stature more an honoring of who they are and how treasured they are.

Now pain can also factor into this equation. Pain can also be something that helps a submissive slip into sub space and leave all of the serious worries of the day behind. Or there are also submissives that crave the sensation of pain, not because it helps their mindset but because pain just does it for them. However since please and pain receptors are intertwined this is actually more common than one would think. However all submissive have different tolerances for painful sensations. Some can only endure a rough spanking where others beg for whips. In a true D/s relationship the Dominant does take this into account. He may push his submissive to experience more, but never farther than she or he is willing to go. Again showing that this is about treasuring, pleasing, and protecting the submissive in the relationship.

Humiliation can also be part and parcel to a BDSM relationship however this is something that should be discussed between the partners before delving too deep. This can ultimately destroy a good D/s couple. Both women and men actually crave humiliation in the safety of their own home. This usually stems from men and women that control so much in their lives they need to feel smaller and not in control. Although within the very title of this lifestyle you see the acronym for Sadism and Masochism, that does not mean that is what all submissive and Dominants require. This is just one of the pieces to an intricate puzzle that is not always needed to satisfy.