BDSM Relationships - Adult Erotic Spanking and Paddling

Spanking as erotic stimuli is a very popular piece of the whole BDSM or D/s (Domination and submission) culture. WHY? Well, in part because of the hugely erotic emotions of vulnerability for the submissive, and partly due to the physiological responses caused by pain stimuli. Then, add in the 'helpless surrender, but I am safe with my lover' feelings, the fact that the buttocks are a major nerve-filled erogenous zone, and an overwhelming flood of endorphins - and there you go! Instant Pleasure.

Before you all go getting your knickers in a twist, this article is about adult spanking for erotic enjoyment. This is NOT about spanking or paddling children. Children cannot give consent, because they lack the capacity for consent. And, adult erotic spanking is all about consensual enjoyment!

Communicating clearly and honestly with your partner is the first step, in any exploration or experimentation with new sexual ideas, and spanking is certainly a topic that will require discussion and honest communication between partners. While you are not in a sexual situation, fantasize with your partner about what you would like to do. Talk about sexy ideas, and incorporating some sexy erotic spanking into your sexual play. Together, decide your boundaries. Does she want to be spanked to tears? Does he fantasize about being spanked as 'punishment' or as pleasure? Discuss what you will do if one or both of you aren't crazy about spanking.

Many adults freak out at the very idea of being "punished" by their partner, and frankly, I am one of them. In our relationship, I am a capable adult and have absolutely no need to be punished. In fact, if he did try to punish me, I would have to call my safeword, and then ask him where the pod is and who took over my husband's body! However, for some people, the need to roleplay a punishment is a very real way for them to enjoy the eroticism of spanking without feeling guilty. Naughty schoolgirl, 'bad boy', errant secretary (by the way, check out the movie Secretary for some fun viewing pleasure), all kinds of costuming and roleplay can be erotically used during a fun spanking between partners.

One way to introduce spanking in a fun, non-threatening way, is to lightly slap your partner's bottom while making love. For the spankee, this means being in a position to make spanking easier, such as woman astride, facing forward, or, in the rear entry position, on all fours. (I refuse to call it doggy style, a personal disgust that I can't overcome…)

A few tips to keep in mind when exploring erotic spanking are:

• Remember that any new sexual activity can be frightening if forced or done improperly.

• The physiological response is generated by the collection and pooling of blood in the genital region, so take your time and build up slowly, with lots of rubbing and fondling, in between spanks.

• Women, especially, can employ the helpless or surrendering feeling to help them release sexual guilt and shame - I mean, heck "HE made me!" is a great absolution.

• Stay away from the tailbone, unless a trip to the emergency room is erotic to you both! The tip of the coccyx (tailbone) can easily chip off or crack, and when this happens, OUCH! And, besides the long-term pain and discomfort of a broken tailbone, you can probably forget ever playing with your partner in a spanking relationship.

Hand spanking is a starting point. At some point, you may wish to experiment with various implements, such as a hairbrush, wooden spoon, belt, feather duster, table tennis paddle, etc. I recommend starting out very lightly, and spanking only on the meaty, fleshiest part of the bottom. The area of the bottom just above the crease between thigh and ass is often called 'the sweet spot', for obvious reasons, once you have experienced erotic spanking first 'hand'. Depending on the spankee's tolerance and the spanker's finesse, spanks can increase in both intensity and number, until both partners are pleased and pleasured completely.

For more intense sexual stimulation, try the old fashioned over-the-knee (OTK) spanking position. For women, the over the knee position practically guarantees clitoral stimulation with every spank. Very nice. If the spankee is a male, the OTK position may be uncomfortable unless the penis is safely tucked between the spanker's legs and not squished against a kneecap.

Erotic Spanking is an art, in my opinion, and can be developed, with practice and patience. As with any BDSM activity, think about safety first. Also, be aware that spanking can bring up childhood issues for some people, and if your partner is unaware of the issues, can be a frightening time. Trust and security are two very important pieces of an enjoyable erotic spanking experience. Your partner needs to know they are safe and will not be harmed, and you, the spanker, needs to ensure those very things.

Erotic spanking is just another playstyle, used between lovers for added sexual enhancement. Enjoy it!