BDSM: How to Set Up a Scene

When just getting into BDSM trying to set up the scene for your submissive can be extremely difficult. Questions that arise are how do you slip into the Dominant without it being a slap in the face to your submissive? How do you come down out of an intense scene and back into the reality of your life? What is the best way to set the scene up to make it more real and tactile for both of you? The follow are some ideas that should help in these situations.

After a long day at work it can be very difficult to pull both your and your submissive's attention to interacting within the D/s boundaries. However as a Dominant it is your responsibility to pull both of you into that world regularly, so neither of you forgets who you are and why you love the lifestyle. To help with this there are a few things you can do.

First remember timing is everything, wait till you know your submissive is home, call from work or the road and have them ready the room of your choice for the night's pleasures. Things such as having the sub lay out the crop, paddle, tawse, plugs, cuffs, and gags will help with anticipation and preparation of mind and body. Also having them dress in a specific way or undress depending on your taste. This is like shedding the day by pulling off the work clothes and changing into something that brings pleasure to you both.

Secondly you can set out a word that once you call that means your submissive is prepared for play when you get home. This could also mean they have to be on their knees in a submissive kneeling position when you walk in the door, or even bent over the kitchen table. Once that word is practiced regularly all you have to do is say it even when you are at home and that will be all that is needed to set up the scene.

Now always remember to make your experience seem more real and intense do not just have this happen in your bedroom looking exactly as it does when you make love. The point is to pull away from the "Vanilla" and into BDSM. Doing things as simple as lighting certain candles, throwing a colored scarf over a shaded lamp, and pulling out the toys for the evening and laying them about the room should give a different feel. If you plan on living D/s partially and not 24/7 you need to be able to differentiate between the two and this will help that. If you happen to have a spare room, making a makeshift dungeon would also be a great plan.

Usually when you think of a scene you think of it going in the order or punishment, Dominant's pleasure, submissive's pleasure. However it can be more complex than this. The scene could be your submissive being treated because she had a great day and all she gets is her pleasure. It also can be where the submissive is just being punished over and over with different implements for a wrong he committed. Ultimately it is what best suits you and your sub. There is one thing to keep in mind though once you have come out of a scene there needs to be intimacy involved.

Usually a scenes intensity will cause serious overwhelming emotions in your submissive, whether that be anger, or sadness, or joy. Once the scene is over and your vanilla life comes back online, do not turn away and start cleaning. Hold each other talk over the scene, likes and dislikes, this will allow the release of everything. If the submissive is venting and angry, occasionally two punishment sessions are needed. The first to get into it, and the second to truly cause the atonement feeling the submissive wants. Once you figure that out between the two of you this will assist you both in having better and better experiences.