BDSM - Why Switch Places?

First, picture a couple walking into the room. Male /female. Both have very strong auras' around them, both walk with a straight gait and both obviously are extremely secure in who they are. She wears a beautiful handcrafted leather collar around her neck, stays by her mans' side unless told otherwise. Her stance is proud, but deferential to Him. Both speak with an air of authority. Both place a high value on integrity and Protocol. He speaks she waits in silence. At times, he asks her opinion. She speaks and brings Him honor. Her place is beside Him, never above Him. Her place is wherever He places her. You have just watched a 24/7 lifestyle M/s couple. Male Dom/ female slave. In our case, this setting could be any place and any time. For those that are somewhat familiar to BDSM in any form, it would appear that she has been a slave from the very beginning, but that would be wrong. From those that have read my short intro or have met us/me in person the first questions usually are:

1. "Why did you become a submissive?"
2. "Are you still a Mistress and do you still top?"

Allow me for all practicality reasons to address the second one first.
I never was a Mistress in the sense that it is seen. I was a Lady, "a soft glove Domme", a "court" trainer if you will. I never held with the humiliation of others that was not for me.

I never managed to be out for my-self first. Even as a pro-Domme, Sex was never part of the bargain, which so sadly it is by so many. Therefore, no prostitute with a whip for hire either. I never "mastered" the art of being a "Bitch" to others. Now, not there is anything wrong with it, it just was not for me. I was an enigma in my own right. So no, I am no longer a Mistress and NO, I no longer top.

In the beginning of my training, there were times when I missed being in charge. I very much felt the need to top and that caused many problems for me. I would see male and female submissives and my need would be very strong to resume my station. After all, I was comfortable there. I was respected and good. As different as I was in every form of my style of domination from that of my Master/Owner, over the years I had become just as much a leader. In regards to my training I received, it showed it-self in that little thing many of us know as "topping from the bottom". To be honest with you, I was so used to having my say in everything; I did not even notice I was doing it. Matter of fact it would get so bad, that I would seriously pout and feel jilted for being corrected. After all, I just wanted to help. I really believed he could use the extra hand to keep it in place. (Which if he would have asked for it would been fine, but he didn't ask)

I honestly thought that I was just "helping". The first step in getting away from this of course was realizing that that was not the case, to except that I was trying to top from the bottom. I knew better, but it is always "different" when it is your-self. I am forever grateful that Master is strict and does not take any lip from me. Being wise, he knew that he had to break that habit for both of our sakes.

Personality traits have a big Role in this as well. I am an extremist. There is very little middle ground for me. You cannot give me the taste of one or the other. To have a choice on a daily basis on what I would like to be, would leave me completely frustrated and unsatisfied. Not to mention that it would be disrespect my Owner, to be his collared slave and have slaves of my own. What would that truly say about us both? It was either dominant or submissive. I have chosen the side of the slave. At first not fully knowing what it would mean to me personally, but now not wanting anything else. I know both sides and for me, being Masters Slave is ultimately much more satisfying on so many different levels then I could even begin to put into words.

The answer to the first question is the more interesting question for me to answer.
Why did I become a submissive? Did I suddenly wake up one morning and decided I wanted to be dominated, instead of doing the dominating?
That is not quiet how it happened, and yet I always had a NEED to have someone more knowledgeable, wiser and stronger be in charge of me. Which clashed strongly with my strong sense of independence.

I never had the fantasy picture of being tied up all my happy long days and do nothing but serve. That suddenly I would no longer have any responsibilities in life. I can not even imagine a life like that.

Having someone take charge of me, never meant I wanted to be taken care off in every way. To never again make a decision for my own life, welfare or even stop thinking. That would not even be possible for me. It means I wanted to be able to look up with admiration to a man. To be able to trust that person, belong to that person. Not to be less, but second to that person. To depend on that person not to let me down, not to give up on me. To be able to be proud of that person, their achievements and make them proud of me. To be able to sit at that persons feet or side and feel completely "at home". To me, being the protected, loved, cherished person, that lives to be an addition, edification to her mate, was to me always the rightful station of a woman Not a liberated female mind set right?

I grew up in a very old-fashioned European household, in Germany. My Foster Parents were almost 60 years older then me and there the Man of the House (my Opa) was still the undisputed Ruler. My Oma (his wife) was in charge over the running of the household, but was in everything accountable to him. She was one of the most cherished and protected woman I have ever met. She was spoiled (by him), strong willed and had a sense of self that would have shocked you. When he was around however, she blended into his shadow. She became an extension of him. She became part of him. She was one with him. She was never put down verbally by him, but always spoken off or about with the greatest love, pride and respect. She was his partner in life and with that security didn't feel the need to challenge his authority.

He was a quiet sort of man. When he spoke, everyone listened. He spoke plainly, not one to mince words. Somehow managed never to be rude in his speech, even so he left many people feeling quiet small if they had been foolish. He was a hard working blue-collar laborer (Mason). A strong protector of what he considered his. He was not a religious person, but he was spiritual. He had a value system that was all his own, governed by his sense of right and wrong and not dictated by others. There was nothing you could not discuss with him. No question he wouldn't at least try to answer. He expected only the best from him-self and no less from you. One thing was for certain, you did not want to disappoint him in anyway.

He did not believe in spanking for punishment. (I do however remember one time watching him pull my Oma over his knee, and giving her a sound spanking right in front of us. That was after telling her repeatededly to stop having an attitude with him. One of the very few times that I saw her acting in such a way, proofing that we all are human).

His form of punishment was ignoring you. You knew that you had disappointed him when he stopped speaking to you. He simple did not know you like that. You become a stranger to him and with that almost invisible. You were better then that "person" that had upset him. When punishment was over however, it was over. It wasn't thrown into your face later, you didn't suffer under it. You just worked very hard not to have to endure it again. With that I hope you can see where my believe of the role of a woman came from. Why fix what wasn't broken right?

That was the type of man I wanted to "rule" over me.

That person had to be physically, and more importantly, mentally strong enough to allow me to be me: A strong intelligent person with a zest for life and hunger for knowledge, a fierce protectress of my children, a big cuddle bug and a still a free spirited magical creature at heart. For one man to be able to allow me to be all that, at the same time to be able to put me in my place, keep me there and content, is not a small feat.
Over all the years, I only met one person that had enough confidence, inner strength, and the same aura that I was looking for. I had dreamed of and in my own way given up on finding that person. Yet after so many years, so many wrong turns on the path and such wrong circumstances, here he was. That man is my now Owner!

When I first met Master Viper, I was still married to a "male" that was more of a bitch then a man. For some reason I had married the exact opposite of what I had been looking for. Just like any young stupid girl, I had fallen for fake charm & pretty words. I had longed so strongly to be loved by someone that I had fallen for an illusion. Like everything in life that is just illusion, the truth soon becomes known. At that point I already had kids and needed to make due. I had taken on all the attributes of the Man of the house. I was the provider, protector, undisputed ruler and "man" of the house. I provided my then husband with whatever fantasies he wanted, with verbal and mental abuse being my reward. I saw what abuse did to me and hated it.
On the other side of it all, I had become a Domme. I was able to feel all the things through others, which I could not have for myself.

What I got out of it, was not the power influx and deep satisfaction of control that you should receive, but something completely different. I had the privilege to make someone else happy. I had the honor to take care of someone else, to enable him or her to live their fantasy while keeping them safe. Here I knew what I was doing, could feel through them. It was the only way I could live my "fantasy" of being someone special. Here I had worth. I had high principles, very strong values and even stricter protocol. If you read the first part, you know that I was a pro-Domme. That is however only partially true. I did make my money with pro domination among other things. On the other side however, those that were my own submissives received gifts from me, where treasured and where never required to give me anything material. The only time I would even take any kind of gifts from them was on special occasions. I took their welfare emotionally as well as physically very serious.

Now, if you have read it very carefully you will notice that my mindset already was more that of a submissive then that of a dominant. My aura and presence of inner personal power was much stronger then anyone else's that I had come in contact with. That was partially due to my upbringing, the things that I had to endure through out my young life and the marriage I was settled with. I grabbed what little bit of happiness I could while giving that same to someone else. I wasn't a Bitch with a whip, a tyrant to high on them-selves. Sadly that was and up until today is what most of the so-called dominant People I met were. I had become the "fantasy" Lady, the gentle Domme that would protect you even from yourself. In addition, I guess in my own way, I had become everything that I had hoped some male would be for me. I had become as my own dominant. The ice queen, hidden in her Tower. Untouchable but a select view. No longer able to trust others unless I could control them. There were only two times, after my initial introduction to BDSM in the San Francisco Dungeon, on which I even attempted to bottom. Both times ended in disaster. One as a pro submissive, which ended up with me being beaten, abused, broken ribs and the other one during a play party demonstration with the "Dom" trying to choke me with a Flogger handle to get a reaction out of me.

When I first met my Master, I felt instantly drawn to him. Once it was clear that he was a dominant, I did not even think that he could be attracted in anyway to me. He was that quiet man with that inner power. He was everything I was afraid of, everything that could undo me and strangely enough everything that turned my head. By all rights, we should have never happened. He is a self-proclaimed Satanist and I am the mother of multiple children. In addition, here he would spend endless hours at my house at night, sitting on the couch with my head in his lap. Me being deep asleep. He was the only male I felt safe with and that I trusted even in the least, since I was a small child. We were both in our own way alpha dominant. He has that deep voice that always gave me nightmares as a child and made me run away and hide, yet there I could not get close enough to him.

At this point, I believe it is important to note to all newbie's:

This is one of the most important feelings that you need to have, before you ever even think about going any further. You can be fearful, scared and excited, but you have to feel safe! If you at anytime have even a twitch of the feeling you are not safe, get out! Fast!

I am a poetic soul, my speech often tinted with roses. I absolutely hate arrogance, rudeness and what I call street lingo. I prefer educated and gentle speech.
He also was and is horribly, brutally honest. In no way prone to flowery speech and will more often then not tell you in very uncertain terms what he thinks of you. His honesty over the years had almost emotionally killed me several times. On the upside however, it gave me the advantage to know, that when he actually says something positive about me or to me, he means it. Compliments are rare, but for that even more valuable.
He is arrogant, only with one major difference. Unlike many, he can back it up. I would cross his opinion, we would debate and he would shut me up. WOW. I found my-self more often then not saying: You are right! Not being lip-service, but an actually deeply meant "You are right!"

We both had stepped temporarily away from the BDSM. So getting to know each other on a vanilla level. With both of us having been in it for so long and deep, something was missing. I started to miss it. Unless you wish to bring a third person into the relationship or in our case, it would have had to be more then one more; there was no chance for us. Since I am horribly possessive over what I love, sharing was not an option. Especially back then. One of us had to submit to the other. Master does not have it in him (I do have to admit that I thought about it at first, but dismissed that thought quickly). I would not want to rob him of his essence, of that what makes him what and who he is, even if I could have. Since I already had the picture of what a wife should be like, that of the submitted woman, I had no problem with the idea. It actually appealed to me on a very basic level. I had the bubble dreams of my foster parents and the way I treated my subs in my head so.

I was willing to do just about anything to give this relationship a chance.

My marriage at that point was already emotionally over for several years and I separated from my then husband within a couple of month.

My kids took Master as well, feeling a real male presence in their lives for the first time. Mom no longer had to be the man of the house. That being strange to them, being the least of the statements. They did like it a lot that mommy did not have to be "daddy" as well anymore.

I do not wish to lie to you and tell you that I became that wonderfully obedient slave over night. If that is what you are thinking, then please dream on. Even now, I still have my flaws and mess up from time to time. My mouth still gets me in trouble here and there, but it is a long way from where I used to be.
When if first brought the idea to my Master, he flat out told me at first at every chance he got, that I would never make a slave. It was just not part of my personality. Remember, he met the touch me not, do not fuck with me, tougher then nails Domme. I had my soft side so far shielded it would have been impossible to see.

I had learned to hide fear, with pride. The more I felt lost, the stiffer my back would get. Do not even try to tell me what to do and what to say. He watched me back hand a male submissive that dared to merely touch me without permission. Oh yeah, I was everything a submissive, especially his submissive was not.
I do not know if Master finally just got tired of me being a pest or if the thought intrigued him. When Master finally accepted after me bringing it before him repeatedly, I had gotten much more then I bartered for.
Where I had been the velvet gloved Lady, he was the rough, reality based, down to earth animal training alpha Dom. To say I was a bottom at first, is giving me much more credit then I deserved. In a round about way, I believe he too got much more then he had been willing to put up with. Wounds broke open in me that I did not even know where there. He did not cut me any slack. More often then not, he lost interest in training me. Having been unused to training someone that had been like me. My former standing became almost a curse between us. He saw no honor in having me and I thought he should find the highest honor in it. We had very different views on what was happening. There were many times we both were just about ready to throw it all away.

Here another thought for Newbie's:
Once you have begun a path with your trainer, you cannot suddenly stop it and think you can suddenly go vanilla. It would never work. You can change certain aspects, but you cannot change the entire dynamics.

We had agreed ahead of time that if this would go wrong it would mean dismissal. The absolute end. On my part anyway, it was a love so deep that kept me going. And apologizing, and begging, and .......

I suggest you read the account of my training for your-self to fully appreciate the miracle in process.

I hated it, I loathed it, I wanted to change my mind, I wanted to run and I would not have given it up for the world. I had finally found my Match!
I went within the span of almost 6 years through these stages:

Full Domme & Trainer, Ruler of the house of Germain

At best applicant bottom

Bottom with strong top tendencies

Bottom

Bottom / sub

Submissive with occasional top desires

Submissive

Nothing! I had become nothing, one way or the other. I was dead inside! (This stage lasted for almost one full year, everything became automated. I was resentful to the point of rude. It made me emotionally as well as physically ill. I was so disgusted with my inabilities and my Masters constant disappointment, which he showed to me by letting my training drop. You cannot train someone that is not ready to be trained)

Suddenly, over night!

SLAVE!

Property!

I am not sure if Master will ever give you an account of what it was like for him, I can only imagine that it must have been frustrating, irritating and on some level hell.

As I said if you are interested read my training account.

Let me end this by saying:

I am still not as perfect as I wish I could be. For me, my Master deserves only the very best. An absolute crown jewel, which he can treasure for all eternity. What I however am is without any question. A Slave. I live to make my Masters life easier, to serve him, to love him, to please him, to pleasure him. To pleasure those he wishes to be gift with my various services. To not assert my will, but live by his. To be his pet, his best friend, his loving and devoted wife, his peace of furniture, his cushion, his bedding or whatever he may wish me to be. I live to run his household; make sure he has what he needs. I live to be his walking, talking fantasy come to life. I am his creation. His property. I am a part of him.