Be an Outlier in Your Own Life

Destiny or happenstance and serendipity? Fate or many lives bouncing into and off-of each other? Wouldn't it comforting to know a divine spirit looks upon us, guiding our moves and creating a reason for the events in our lives?

Curses. Hexes. Bad luck. Good luck. Luck. Karma. Or chances. Odds. Statistics. Coincidence.

Human beings are remarkably resilient creatures. We have the amazing capacity to self delude and rationalize our circumstances. In the midst of bad times, we have the capcity to look around, see where we are and decide..."everything happens for a reason." With that we take stock of where we want to go and head in that direction. When we look back - presumably in a better place than from where we were in those dark days - and decide, "everything happens for a reason."

S¸ren Kierkegaard, regarded as the first existentialist philosopher, said "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Indeed, and as we negotiate life and look back, we compose the story of our lives through a lens of things happening for a reason. If this bad thing hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been in position for this good thing.

Life if full of ups and downs. And a view that better things are in-line for us when we're in a bad way isn't a bad one, particularly if it helps keep motivation to strive for something better, but in the end it is hard to avoid a conclusion that comes closer to "life is what we make it" than everything happening for a reason.

We live in our circumstances. Malcolm Gladwell talks about a birthday bias in Outliers: The Story of Success. For instance, NHL players tend toward birthdays earlier in the year, largely because of cut off-dates for joining. These kids are older than their peers when they begin play and have the opportunity to develop more skills because they're typically better than the others with whom they play. It goes deeper than that though. Talent, intelligence, and perseverance all play a role. Those who do the best with what they have in their circumstances, do the best within their circumstances. Those who can figure a way to change their external circumstances and to apply their talent, intelligence and perseverance can truly excel. Sometimes the combination of talent, intelligence, and perseverance in the right circumstances - take Gladwell's profile of Bill Gates for instance - result in limitless possibilities.

To be sure, we look at Gates' success backwards - we see where the journey has taken him and the factors which influenced him. It's not hard to argue that someone would have harnessed the leverage Gates did, and that we would likely be looking toward someone who did harness it - society at large has circumstances as well, built from all those who contribute to it and take from it - but it was no foregone conclusion, no destiny for the man who pulled those circumstances together to be Bill Gates.

When facing a negative, it can be easy to look at all the reasons we can't move forward. When one is hit at a vulnerable time, it can often be hard to look at a situation and emotionally be able to harness one's talents, intelligence, and perseverance.

Sometimes when you've experienced something you've never thought possible - discovered the love of your life or won against all odds - it becomes tempting to look at it as though the universe has moved you to that person or thing. We create circumstances every day. Just by going about our daily lives we create circumstances that allow other things to happen to us or around us. Far from the universe moving us, it's more likely that we have created conditions in which we reap the rewards - or conversely, suffer the consequences - of having placed ourselves in those circumstances.

Those with an internal locus of control will typically be more positive because they believe their lives are less up to chance and the whims of the universe. The curious thing is that the more internal your locus of control, the more the universe will tend to favor you, the more destiny will shine upon you, and the more you will tend to have good luck. It's hard to believe Bill Gates would have an external locus of control - that things happen TO him. Just as hard as it is to believe that everything happens for a reason or that, if there is such a thing as fate, it loves those who take control of their own fate more than those who don't.

Grab your own destiny, your own fate, and it will not matter whether or not everything happens for a reason. A horoscope is an interesting read, but it's no guide to life. Guide your own life.