Be Remembered as a Beautiful Bride, Not a Bridezilla

As a bride-to be, you want your dress to be stunning, your hair not to even hint at having a bad day, and your flowers to be perfect. You live in fear that the flower girl will have a temper tantrum while you're exchanging rings, the DJ will play nothing but "Baby Got Back" and the caterer will slip up and put cow parts in vegetarian entrée.

There are countless articles written about planning the perfect wedding, enjoying the day, and dealing with pre-wedding stress. You can read them all and choose the tips that will help you sail smoothly through the day with a smile on your face and every hair in place.

But what many brides forget in the quest to have the wedding that will be remembered by family and friends forever is that they don'twant those memories to be made up of "Bridezilla moments."

You can have the prefect sunny day, a flower arrangement that should end up in Bride Magazine, and a reception party that is worthy of going down in history. But if the months, weeks and days leading up to your wedding were full of episodes where you flipped out on your bridal party, went on stress-induced crying jags, couldn't hold a conversation without the word "wedding" coming up at least 10 times, or acted like a control freak, your perfect day is going to be overshadowed by those memories.

Ten years from now, when your family is gathered over a holiday meal talking about the good old days, they won't be discussing your beautiful dress. Instead, they'll be laughing and saying things like "Hey, remember when we went to get our bridesmaid's dresses for Shelly's wedding and she hyperventilated because Tina gained ten pounds and couldn't get into hers anymore?"

Or how about "Remember when Joanne's husband dumped her a week before Shelly's wedding, and she came over looking for some moral support and Shelly told her to buck up and help her go over the seating arrangements?"

Those Bridezilla moments go down in the memory banks of your family and friends long after the deliciousness of that perfectly catered reception meal is forgotten.

There's no doubt that weddings are stressful. A bride has to organize more details than she could have possibly imagined, no matter how many bridal books she's read. Caterers, flowers, DJs, seating arrangements that will keep family members who hate each other from arguing, wedding party attire, church ceremonies ... and the list just goes on and on. On top of that, there's the honeymoon to plan, and many brides are also preparing to move into a new home or apartment. Throw the poor girl's regular job and the ongoing regular stresses of daily life into the mix, and you've got a recipe for a meltdown.

So accept it. You will be incredibly stressed and unfathomably busy in the months and days leading up to your wedding. You will be battling your inner Bridezilla. But by knowing her and her foibles, you will be able to make sure that it is your wedding itself and not your erratic behavior beforehand that gets recalled at family gatherings and reunions with friends for years to come.

And who knows, you might actually be able to enjoy not only the wedding but the time leading up to it.

Tips for Battling Your Inner Bridezilla:

Pick out dresses with your entire bridal party's body types in mind:

One of the biggest pluses to having a small bridal party is that you'll have less shapes and sizes to consider when choosing bridesmaids dresses.

Women have a love-hate relationship with being in wedding parties. On the one hand, we love the honor of being chosen by our friend, sister or cousin to stand beside her on that most special of days. On the other hand, it is rare that we love the fashion statement we're making with what we wear down the aisle.

If one of your bridesmaids is rail-thin and small-chested, one is round all over, and the other two are curvy and busty, finding the dress that flatters everyone's figure is a challenge.

Consider choosing dresses that compliment each other in color and basic design, but that aren't exactly the same. Or if you do want your bridal party to be perfectly matched, go with something simple and elegant. A style that looks good on your busty bridesmaids may have the others feeling flatter than ever. A style that flatters the smaller builds may have the larger girls checking themselves all day to make sure nothing inappropriate is popping out.

Also avoid choosing materials that wrinkle easily and remember that very few women like to draw attention to the size of their butts by having a large shiny bow protruding from their backsides.

I was once part of a wedding party where the bride had chosen the wrinkliest material possible for our dresses. The limo ride to the church transformed all of us from beautiful bridesmaids into girls who looked like we'd covered our rear ends with shiny, peach-colored, crumpled trash bags. We all laugh about it now, but walking down the aisle with severely wrinkled back ends was a bit embarrassing at the time.

Accept that not everyone will like what you serve for the main meal.

When you gather a large number of people together, you can be sure that no one main course, or even a selection of two or three main courses, will make everyone happy.

Your family is vegetarian. Your groom's family eats nothing but meat and potatoes. Your closest friends all hate seafood, and your co-workers are on a cereal and fruit diet. Your book club is boycotting cheese.

Accept it. If you try to please everyone with the main course of their dreams, you will drive yourself insane and be the bride that your caterer has nightmares about for years to come.

Choose two or three entrees that will please most of your crowd. Have an appetizer buffet, a sandwich bar, and/or a dessert selection that will let everyone who isn't thrilled with the entrée fill up on other goodies. You can't please everyone, even with a choice of a beef, fish and vegetarian main course. But you can at least fill their bellies with veggie trays, finger foods, and sweets.

Get over it. They'll live. The pickiest eaters will probably spend most of their time at the bar anyway.

Delegate, breathe and let things go.

You can't do it all yourself. Planning a large-scale event is a full-time job. That's why so many people make livings as party and wedding planners.

If you hire someone to plan all or part of the day for you, acknowledge that you've spent good money so that you can have them do things for you. Trust in their expertise. Check in regularly and provide them with all the information they've asked for, but don't try to do everything yourself anyway.

If you're doing things on your own, learn to delegate. Your friends and family may not want to hear about the wedding ten times a day, but they probably do want to help you out. Let that cousin of yours who works as a travel agent help with honeymoon arrangements, so you aren't thinking about those details on top of the wedding itself. Let your groom-to-be's sister-in-law who has worked for a florist for ten years be in charge of the flower arrangements, or at least advise you on making good choices.

Once you've asked someone to help with a particular detail, breathe, let it go and trust that they'll get it done. Don't badger them every time you see them or call them ten times a day. Agree on a deadline for decisions to be made, things to be ordered, or favors to be made. Then let the experts you've hired or the helpers in your family and circle of friends do their part.

When asking for help, though, delegate based on what people actually enjoy doing. Don't put your best friend who doesn't have an artsy craftsy bone in her body in charge of making favors or prettying up the tiny bottles of bubbles you're planning on having guests use to shower you and your groom as you're leaving the church. She'll be miserable and curse you whiles she's tying bows, and your bubble bottles will look like they were made in a kindergarten class. Instead, let your circle of spinster aunts who spend their summer nights making Christmas ornaments handle crafty things.

Remember that your friends still have lives too.

Katie and Laura are your closest friends. You've known each other since high school. You talk to each other at least once a day and get together a time or two a week. It's been that way for ten years.

Laura just got a promotion she's been gunning for since 2006, and recently started dating a guy she thinks could be "the one." Katie just finished her law degree, and she and her husband are debating whether they should start a family now or wait until she's worked a few years first.

And you, of course, are getting married.

Suddenly you find that you can't get through one of your daily conversations without discussing your wedding. Did Katie get her dress fitted yet? Does Laura think you should let the DJ play the "Electric Slide" even though you hate it? Does either of them want to go shopping with you later for the perfect pair of earrings to go with your dress? Is there any way to tell your future mother-in-law that the dress she's chosen is hideous?

That's fine. All brides do it, and their girlfriends expect it, especially those who have been through planning their own weddings.

But make sure it isn't all about you. Your wedding is looming large in your life, and it is important to them too. But so is everything that is going on in their worlds. Before you jump into wedding talk, ask Katie about the graduation party she's organizing for herself or whether that latest family planning book she's reading is helpful. Ask Laura how the new job is going, and tell her you want all the details of her latest date with Mr. Could-Be-It.

If your friends know you're still in tune with their lives, they'll be less likely to sigh and roll their eyes when the word "wedding" pops out of your mouth. And listening to what's going on with the rest of the world might get you out of stressed-bride mode for a bit, too.

Don't expect people to change the way they are just because you're getting married.

Your best friend has been chronically late since the day you met her. She puts everything off until the last minute. She was the one who started writing 10-page papers the night before they were due all through college, and still managed to graduate with honors. She throws a party herself and doesn't start preparing the food, cleaning her house, or making sure the bar is stocked until the morning before her get-together, but her gatherings always go off without a hitch.

What makes you think any of that behavior will change just because she's a bridesmaid in your wedding? Don't be surprised when she's the last person to pick up her dress and is still having alterations done at the last minute. Don't freak out when the day before your rehearsal dinner she's still trying to arrange childcare. Again, breathe and let it go.

She's always been that way, and she always pulls through. Your wedding is no different. Harping and complaining won't change anything. Just let her know that you trust her to do her part, and move on.

Oh yeah, that groom guy

Remember him? That guy who's going to be exchanging vows with you? The one who has to wear a tux? The love of your life?

When you're in the midst of wedding planning, it can be easy to get so caught up in details and arranging things with your friends and family that you leave the groom standing on the sidelines.

Superstition says that the groom is not supposed to see the bride the day before the wedding. It says nothing about the three months beforehand. Make sure you carve out time to spend together doing non-wedding related things.

Also involve him and his family in planning the details. Don't just assume he doesn't want to be a part of all the organizing and shut him and his loved ones out. It's his special day too. Don't let him remember the time leading up to that special day as "the time I never saw her" or "the time she couldn't talk to me about anything but the wedding."

Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen on your wedding day, and accept that it will still be beautiful anyway.

No matter how much you plan and organize, there will always be some things that are out of your control. Your wedding will be wonderful anyway, as long as both you and the groom show up. Some unplanned happenings will actually add character and charm to your wedding day.

The night before my wedding, I took my dog to my grandparent's house. We were leaving for the honeymoon after the reception, and my grandmother had agreed to be our petsitter. Some out of town relatives arrived during the rehearsal dinner, and accidentally let my dog out the front door. She was confused and disoriented, so instead of being her usual obedient self she ran off into the night.

My family and friends spent the night before my wedding scouring the nearby park and side streets for my dog. It was pouring down rain, and we were all dressed up for the rehearsal party. I still wonder what the neighbors thought about a group of people in high heels, ties, jackets and cocktail dresses poking around the bushes in their yards during a drenching storm.

The dog was recovered, and the wedding went on as planned. Rain and runaway dogs happen. Okay, maybe runaway dogs don't happen that often. But something happens, and you go with it. Acknowledge that if unplanned rough spots happen, the rest of the day will more than make up for it. Don't think about things you can't control.

Keep price tags in mind for the things you aren't paying for yourself.

The cousin in your bridal party who is struggling to make ends meet may not say anything about her limited budget while you're scoping out dresses. Maybe she doesn't want to be the reason you don't choose exactly what you want. Maybe she's embarrassed in front of all your more financially secure friends.

It's up to you to know a bit about what your bridal party can afford, and make choices accordingly. You chose them because of their importance in your life, not their bank accounts.

The girl in your party who lives paycheck to paycheck may not say a word when you choose a dress that costs several hundred dollars more than the one that looks almost just like it. But you can bet she'll be complaining to her friends and family.

Don't take on any other major life changes that can be put off until later.

You're planning a wedding. You're committing to spending the rest of your life with another person. You may be buying a house, moving into a new apartment, or furnishing a new home. That's more than enough major change to put someone in the "stressed to the max" category.

Now is probably not the time to apply for a new job or go back to school to finish your degree or get a new one. So you hate your current job. But you know it inside and out. What difference will a few months make? Save that transition for after the honeymoon. You've always dreamed of a master's degree or really want to finish the bachelor's you stopped working on a year before you would have graduated. You should. But wait until next semester to get started.

Say "Sorry, I'm having a Bridezilla moment."

Perhaps the best advice I can give is to accept that you probably will be a Bridezilla at some point in time. When you find yourself talking about nothing but the wedding, being that co-worker who does wedding stuff all day while your colleagues are scrambling around actually working, or having to control every little detail to the point that not even your groom feels like you're trusting him to help out, stop and take a deep breath. Then admit to your family or friends or co-workers or groom that you were having a Bridezilla moment.

A bride who won't admit that she's a stressed-out control freak is annoying. One who realizes she's a stressed-out control freak, laughs about it and sincerely tries to do better can be almost endearing.

Or at the very least, instead of laughing at you ten years later when the topic of your wedding comes up, the ones you love will be laughing with you.

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