"Be Yourself": Sometimes the Oldest Relationship Advice is the Best

We used to hear it from everyone and everywhere. A good friend or parent trying to soothe the nerves rustled up anticipating that first date. However, in today's society we hear less about being ourselves, and more about putting our "best face forward." In the wake of the onslaught of reality dating shows and millions of consumer products pushing us to alter, tweak, and perfect our bodies and selves, it's a wonder if anyone gets to see the "real us." This, however, can have serious repercussions in the world of long-term relationships.

We've all been there. We do our hair, put on that cologne. We smile and ask questions, and get to know our date over dinner at a nice restaurant. We attempt to pump up our good qualities-- highlighting occupational accomplishments, artistic endeavors, and worldly interests. We attempt to leave out what we would consider our lesser qualities, fearing rejection if too much is seen. While we're sitting there, our hearts flutter from either anxiety or elation that we did it. Our sales pitch worked.

When we consider dating to be a business transaction, it tends to set us up for failure. Much like commercials in which cars are run through rivers and through unbelievable conditions, we will inevitably fail to meet expectations. In reality, we are real people (believe it or not). We are able to continue this guise and attempt to please our partners for so long, but eventually our authentic self will rear what we think is its ugly head and we will be exposed. This poses problems for many couples who form incredible expectations based on the presentations we give during the first few months of dating.

So why is the "be yourself" line so outdated? Why has it been replaced by such a sterile business model? Is the idea of dating not to find love and live happily ever after? Though it can be argued that the "happily ever after" model has its own flaws, if we want to find love, conducting ourselves as a sales pitch is not the way to go. Media and consumerism would have us believe that we need to dramatically alter ourselves to be desirable to a potential partner, but we are all looking for someone who "loves us for who we really are." The discrepancy here is all too obvious.

Reading dating how-to books, and relying on the perfect clothes or hairstyle is not the way to find a match that is good for you (unless you're looking to attract a fashion designer or stylist). Putting on a front may help you to attract a potential mate, but the fact of the matter is that they will fall in love with the person they think you are'"not the person you really are. The tried and true piece of advice, being yourself, is key to finding someone that actually fits. Of course we'll all do ourselves up a little on the first date, but there's no shame in being honest. Actually, honesty and effective communication are key to building a strong and healthy relationship.

It is far easier to start a relationship with an honest portrayal of who you are, what you want from a relationship, and what you are willing to offer to the relationship than it is to give a false impression of these things and fight to save the relationship after your partners expectations and needs are not met. So throw away the self-help books, turn off the TV, and look at yourself. Who are you? What kind of person are you? If you feel the need to embellish upon your qualities, perhaps you're insecure? What are your expectations and needs in a relationship, and what are you willing to offer to a relationship? Whereas being with another shouldn't feel like a business transaction, it's very important to make sure you are also not holding each other up to standards that cannot be met. So be honest, have fun, and always, always be yourself.