Bear Essentials

In "Convoy" the classic epic poem by CW McCall, we read the line 'The bears is wall to wall". Those words are just as true today as they were the day they were penned.

I am something of a bear expert now, due to the fact that a real live bear came into my yard in Norwood one week ago.

I will now take your questions:

Where did the bear come from?

The bear came from the direction of the Norwood Post Office. Several excited bakers closely followed him from the Happy Belly Deli. My first thought in all the confusion was that he was not a bear at all but a hairy-handed gent who 'forgot' to pay for his cranberry scone. Oh, but it was a bear.

Why did they chase him?

Good question! It seems they were hoping to persuade him to pose for some photographs. But bears are famous for snubbing the paparazzi.

Did you say he came through your yard?

Yes. He passed not ten feet from our kitchen window where my wife was sipping coffee and staring at the outside world (which is her early morning custom). She had not prepared any statements to make in such an event, so she merely shouted random syllables. I ran into the kitchen and found her with a dumbfounded expression of shocked surprise on her face. It was like the look she had that time I changed our son's baby diaper without being asked.

You did that?

At least once.

Did the bear behave in a frightening and bearish manner?

No, he was quite polite. He nodded his head at my wife as if to say, "Just passing through ma'am. No need to shoot me." Then he exited our yard and headed off into the direction of some self-storage units and the great wilderness beyond.

Do you mean to suggest that the bear had his own storage unit?

I make no such suggestion. I only point out that anyone can get a storage unit these days.

Why is your yard so messy?

Hey, that is all the time we have for the question and answer part of this column. I would like to move on now to the facts about bears part. Bears come with many facts, for example did you know that there are several kinds of bears?

Yes.

That was a rhetorical question. No more audience comments please.

Anyway, there are brown bears, also called black bears and vice-versa. Then there are grizzly bears and Kodiaks, klondikes and polars. There are some creatures that are called bears although they are not truly bears according to zoologists. The panda 'bear' for example is actually not a bear but a Chinese person in a bear suit. The koala 'bear' is actually a battery operated stuffed toy.As for the bear that came through our yard that unforgettable morning, we have not seen him since. We wish him well.