Beating Bullies at Their Own Game

Our kids have enough to deal with without having to put up with some wanna-be tough guy who spent one-to-many hours blowing up tanks on his Game Boy. Summertime is over and our children have returned for another year of classroom education and melodrama that probably rivals anything seen on TV. Sure, the kids are back in school, but for more than a few boys and girls, dealing with the classroom bully may not be a subject they planned on participating in.

I'm not ashamed to say that as a small boy growing up, I had my share of being bullied. There were times I was able to overcome my fears and beat the bully at his own game (I took my Dad's advice to heat: an unannounced sharp blow to the solar plexus will drop even the toughest tough guy to his knees) but there were plenty of other times when I knew that I was outweighed, outnumbered and out of luck, and it was far more sensible to deal with the aggravation of being pushed around.

Life was a lot simpler then. I do not recommend hitting - although in my heart-of-hearts -- I'm convinced most bullies will back off once they realize they can get hurt. Of course back in the day, educators didn't realize the effect bullying can have on a youngster's fragile ego. Bullying.org points out that bullying seems to be more and more popular in schools and neighborhoods and it's a dilemma that parents and educators are having a hard time coming to grips with. According to statistics published in a recent article on CNN On-Line, 160,000 students miss one day of school each year because of bullying. Those numbers seem a little low to me, but then I'm not the one in school.

Yet some teachers feel that dealing with the classroom bully is not impossible. The site Bullybusters.com spells out a pretty direct method for dealing with the classroom tough guy:

- Ignore the bully.

- Count to 10.

- Politely ask them to leave you alone.

- Firmly ask them to leave you alone.

- Threaten to tell someone.

- Tell your teacher.

As a parent, I can tell you it's a lot easier to watch from the sidelines and dole out advice that it is to actually be in the arena dealing with this all-to-serious form of classroom-crisis. From a parent's or teacher's perspective, teachersfirst.com points out that all children should be given regular opportunities to discuss bullying and ways to deal with bullies:

- In role-playing exercises, for example, children can practice saying, "Leave me alone" and walking away. Children can be taught simple measures to lessen the likelihood of becoming the target of a bully. Looking people in the eye, speaking up, and standing straight are just a few behaviors that communicate self- confidence.

- Children who tend to be loners (potential targets of bullies) can be paired up with socially competent "models." Some children need a little help learning how to make friends.

- Because bullies are most likely to strike during unsupervised times such as recess, children should be provided with as much structured activity as possible.
School psychologists feel it's important to give kids strategies to effectively deal with a bullying situation but also the assurance that there are caring and supportive adults that are there to step in, take the situation seriously and will help the child resolve the situation.

I've been pretty lucky: my daughter never found herself on the receiving end of any hardcore bullying. And the few instances she did have to confront she dealt with effectively. Not every child is so fortunate. The site www.bullying.org offers a wide variety of strategies for dealing with bullies no matter how old you are. There's even an online course at -- you guessed it -- www.bullyingcourse.com that provides interactive instruction on how your child can deal with the classroom bully.

In the meantime, keep your eye on the calendar and circle the week of November 18-24. Let's remind our kids that it's o-k to "Stand up! (to bullying).