"Because I Said So" is Not a Good Answer for Your Children

By design, children are curious. Children are inquisitive by nature. This inquisitive nature usually stars at an early age. They ask questions because they have a desire to better understand what they are inquiring about. As they get older, children ask questions because they want to understand you. They want to get a more complete picture about why you feel the way you do, and why you think they should feel that way too. However, whatever ages your children are, it's critical that there are rules in place within the house. Your children must understand there will be no tolerance from them in regards to deviating from the set rules. In essence, they need to understand there are consequences for actions, especially when the rules are broken.

When dealing with younger children, it's important to keep explanations brief and to the point. It's important to keep it concise because wordy explanations will often go over their head and not be absorbed by them anyway. Children generally have a natural inclination to want to make their parents proud of them and to make their parents happy. When dealing with a younger child, you can actually use this to your advantage. When they ask you "Why?" or "Why not?" instead of "Because I said so" you can reply "Well, it makes me feel proud and I get happy when you follow the rules and do what I ask you to do." Which do you think would be more effective in getting your children to do what you ask? When we use "Because I told you so" we often further add problems, as it can confuse and frustrate the child causing these feelings to be manifested in other emotions or them further acting out.

Obviously this tactic will not work as your child gets older. Older children; adolescents and teenagers will require a different strategy. In these cases, if you are challenged with "Why?" or "Why not?" the best thing to do is tackle the question head on. You need to be direct, honest, and clear when answering. Your reasoning must be concise. "I asked you to be home from your friend's house by 5 p.m., because Grandma came all the way here to have dinner with us." We can also add to this statement by mentioning the consequences for not following through with what you asked. "If you're not home by 5 p.m., you'll be grounded from going anywhere after school for a week." Be consistent, be firm, and be clear.

Most parents don't like it when their children question their authority. However, you shouldn't view this as a negative. It actually shows that your children are starting to branch out and think for themselves. Try to keep in mind to not become frustrated or angry when they do question you. Remember it's just a part of them growing up, and they are trying to get a better grasp and understanding of the environment all around them. If you give better explanations, you'll be pleasantly surprised by less arguments and better behavior.