Bedsharing: The Facts About the Family Bed

Recently, the term "attachment parenting" has come into the spotlight as a wonderful way to raise your children. One of the key points of attachment parenting is bedsharing, but it's a concept that is often misunderstood. Here are answers to some of the most common questions about bedsharing.

What is the difference between bedsharing and cosleeping?

First, let's get some terminology out of the way. The terms cosleeping and bedsharing are often used interchangeably, but they're not actually the same thing. Cosleeping means sharing a room with your baby, but not necessarily your bed. If you have a bassinet or crib in your room, then you are cosleeping with your child. Most co-sleeping families have baby's bed right next to the parents' bed, but this is not always the case. Bedsharing is pretty self-explanatory. It means sharing a bed with your child.

What are the benefits of bedsharing?

Bedsharing fosters a unique closeness among family members. Babies and young children thrive on snuggles, and bedsharing extends the available snuggle time. It can also be a great way for working parents to reconnect with their children at the end of a long day.

Breastfeeding is also easier for a bedsharing mother. Most babies wake up hungry at least once during the night. In the early days and weeks, it can take a baby up to an hour to nurse. That's a long time to sit in a rocking chair beside a crib. Bedsharing makes nighttime nursing much easier. The mother can snuggle close to baby, help him latch on, and then doze, if not completely fall asleep again. Even if you don't sleep while baby is nursing, you can still feel more rested simply because you are able to lie down while nursing.

In addition to the emotional benefits, bedsharing also carries significant financial benefits. If you choose to share a bed with your child, you won't have to spend money on a crib or bassinet. You may even be able to skip the toddler bed, depending on how long you and your child are comfortable with bedsharing. You may find that you are able to skip right to a twin bed that will last your child for many years, rather than a toddler bed which is only appropriate for a short time.

What are the drawbacks and risks of bedsharing?

There can be risks associated with bedsharing. If one or both parents is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or takes prescription medication to help him or her sleep, bedsharing may not be a good idea. Drugs and medications raise your risk of rolling onto the baby and suffocating him. This is not a concern for most adults who are not under the influence of drugs, medications, or alcohol.

When bedsharing, you should not use fluffy blankets or lots of pillows. They are a suffocation hazard for babies, especially younger babies who can't turn over by themselves. Blankets should be kept at waist level, and the room should be warm enough for baby to sleep without a blanket, but not so warm that baby gets overheated. Similarly, there should be no space between the headboard and the mattress. A baby's head can get lodged between the mattress and headboard (or mattress and wall) if there is just a narrow space between. This can cause suffocation or other injury.

Bedsharing is also not a good idea for parents who smoke, especially if they smoke in the bedroom. Cigarette smoke can seep into blankets, sheets, and mattresses where the baby will breathe in the chemicals. This can put a baby's lungs into distress. A crib in a smoke-free room is a better option. Or even better yet, don't smoke in the house if you have children. They don't need the secondhand smoke.

Many parents feel that bedsharing may negatively impact their sex life. If you and your partner are uncomfortable having sex in other areas of the house, bedsharing may not work out for you. However, keep in mind that most bedsharing parents discover that their sex lives do not suffer in any way. Some babies start the night in their own bed, leaving mom and dad alone in the bedroom. For families with children who sleep in the family bed all night, the parents simply find another room in the house for their romantic trysts. These parents often find that their sex life is actually more exciting than it was before sharing a bed with their children, because they are forced to break out of their old bedroom routines.

Is bedsharing right for everyone?

Bedsharing can be a wonderful experience, but it isn't right for every family. If one or both parents are not comfortable with sharing a bed with their child, then it's best not to start. If your child seems to sleep better alone than in your bed, then by all means let him sleep in his own bed.

Bedsharing may also not be a good choice for parents who are unwilling or unable to see it through - you cannot set a time limit on bedsharing. You must be willing to allow your child to move to his own bed on his own terms, or else your child may be in for some trauma when you force him to sleep on his own. Most children will not want to continue to share a bed with their parents into adolescence, so this shouldn't be a concern. But if you are unwilling to still be sharing your bed when your child reaches the age of 4, 6, or possibly older, it may be best that you don't begin bedsharing at all. If the child is not ready to leave the bed that he has known since infancy, he will not understand why he is suddenly being forced to sleep alone.

The decision to have a family bed is one that must be made as a family, taking the needs of all family members into account. If any family member is not happy with bedsharing, there are other sleeping arrangements that can work out just as well.