Before You Come to Sweden, Read This

While writing reviews of all the fabulous things to do whilst in Sweden, I have resisted the urge to lecture Americans... just barely. Sorry folks, but the time has come. There are some very definite things you need to know before you come over here. Not all of it will feel like a lecture as I plan to highlight more than just my main gripes... but some of this is going to anger a few of you. I hope it does. Along the way, I will probably cuss. You have been warned.

Do Not Litter
First off, Sweden is a very clean country. No. I mean spit-shined clean. The highways are extremely well maintained and are not dumping grounds like in the US. I wish to keep it that way. I swear to Odin if I see another tourist toss a Burger King bag out the window of their vehicle I will run them off the road, kick their ass, and then turn them in. As summer and vacation time begins, I am starting to notice little bits of American Fast Food debris near the bigger cities. It wasn't there before. I will not stand for it. Show a little respect, would ya?

On that same theme, this is a people who grow up recycling. The Swedish do not understand people who do not recycle. It just amazes them that anyone would have so little respect for the earth. So, there are quite frequently various trash bins for various types of object. Toss your empty soda bottle in that glass one, ok? Paper goes over there, and oh yes put your plastic stuff on the end there. Got it? Cool. Now, there are exceptions. Like outside some shopping areas there may only be one generic trash bin. If that is the case, go ahead and put it all in that. They'll separate it later.

Do Not Piss On The Toilets
The people of Sweden are not pigs. The only time I saw pee all over a public toilet here, it was from a damned American tourist. Clean up after yourself for Thor's sake! Gawd! GRRRRRRRR! I am not your mother, nor is anyone else here. We should not have to clean up after you. I was soooo happy to see this was not a problem over here like it is in the US. Hell, it's an epidemic in the US! Keep this custom over there, will ya? Cuz I guaran-damn-tee you I will make you march right back into that Water Closet and clean up your mess, and embarrass you loudly while I do it. Count on it.

Having said that, if you are need of a public toilet, look for signs that say WC. That stands for Water Closet, which is what they are called over here.

Slower Traffic Gives Way
I don't care what the hell your stance is on speeding, it doesn't mean squat in Sweden. They don't care. They do care about manners. If you are plodding along doing the minimum speed limit and you see someone coming up behind you faster, it is the etiquette of the country to slow a bit and move towards (and into) the right side of the road as far as possible so the other driver can safely pass you. Do it.

Love Your Clogs
If you haven't got a pair yet, pop into the nearest Wedins Shoe Store and buy yourself some first off. You see, if you are fortunate enough to be invited into someone's home, you are required to remove your shoes at the door. I'll be dead honest here and say that I was rather annoyed by that when I first moved here. To me, my footwear was part of the outfit. I got used to it in a hurry though. It really does make sense. I mean if you wear your shoes out of the rain into someone's house then you are making needless extra work for them, aren't you? Not very nice, that. So yeah, get used to wearing comfy shoes that are easily removed. I did, you can too.

Pick Up After Yourself
The Swedish folks are very courteous and self-sufficient. They do not have people on payroll to clean up your table and put your tray away for you at the various eateries. So, the rule of thumb here is that if you carried your food to your table yourself, then you will remove it yourself when you are done and clean the table so it is ready for the next person who needs it. Also, you bag your own purchases here.

Bring Eye Covering
If you plan to be in Sweden from April through oooh September, bring one of those eye covering sleep thingies. Right now (end of May) we have all of about 4-5hrs dark, tops. Dusk is just beginning at around 22:30, and the sun is fully up when I first open my eyes at about 4:30... (I usually groan and go back to sleep for a few hours after that. HA!)

Conversely, if you are coming during winter, be prepared for lots of dark time. In December the sun rises around 10:30-11:00, and sets around 14:00.

Learn to Say Tack
Most folks here learn to speak English in grade school, so getting around and shopping will not be a problem if you do not speak Svenska. Still. It is only polite to at least say Thank You in their own native tongue. Tack will do, Tack sa mycket is even better.

Also, the name of the country is Not Sweden. It is Sverige. Most here accept Sweden with only mild annoyance, they figure better to be known by something even if it's wrong... but a few get positively irate about it, and I don't really blame them. ALL countries should be called by their real name. I have no clue why people change country names. Learn it. Live it. Sverige (Svaaaar-eeee-uuuuh)... I would like to add that they are just as guilty of this name-changing though. They call Deutschland Tyskland, after all. (Germany, to you Americans)

Do Not Molest The Ducks
Ducks are everywhere. They have full free reign... and they know it. While driving anywhere near a body of water, please do pay careful attention so you don't run over a family of them crossing the road. Watch for deer and Moose too, while you're at it... although I think that whole Moose thing is a big ol' private joke shared by the whole country. (See my review of Skanes Djurpark for more on the moose myth.)

Slow Down a Little
I don't mean driving. I mean don't be in such a rush. Enjoy life, enjoy this country! The folks here are rarely rushed. If they are speeding up behind you it is simply because they like to drive fast, not because they are in a hurry. Don't get all flustered if a line is slow. Nobody else is worried about it. Look around you. See? They're happy to wait their turn, as you should be.

Sweden is one of the most gorgeous places you will ever see in your life. Please make an effort to help keep it that way.