Before You Throw Your Marriage Away and Get a Divorce

Ever since a little girl, I dreamed about being married. I pictured the white picket fence, the two kids which in my fairy tale mind were one boy and one girl, and the husband of my dreams who would be my everything. In my mind things seemed like they would be perfect once I was married. But as we grow up and step into reality, we are faced with some huge surprises. The spouse we choose isn't perfect AND neither are we! So two imperfect people get together, settle down, get married, have children and before you know it you're wondering if you married the right person.

Today's society breathes the very air of selfish thinking. It's a buy now, pay later world where every desire we have can almost be instantly gratified. Even divorces in some states, take as little as three months from start to finish! But should a marriage be treated like some contract where if you don't meet all the terms then it's over?

With terms like soul-mate floating around, you question if Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right) was an old flame from the past or possibly a co-worker. Perhaps you can't picture their face, but you believe they are still out there waiting to rescue you from your lifeless marriage. After all, you deserve to be happy, right? And if it's not working why should you be miserable, you deserve better. You may actually try to justify your feelings by arguing the fact that your spouse deserves to be with someone who is in love with them, and your just not in love anymore and that's not fair to them. But do you have the right to walk away from a marriage in God's eyes? Simple answer here is NO!

God never intended a marriage to end. From the beginning of time and starting with Adam and Eve, God instituted marriage as a permanent thing, not to be destroyed by man.

Matthew 19:3-9 (NIV) Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

If you read that passage very carefully, you will notice a lot of very interesting things. One of them being that God never intended marriage to end. Another that divorces were permitted by Moses only because of the HARDNESS of the heart. And even more interestingly enough, that if a person gets remarried after divorcing their first spouse it is looked as as adultery in God's eyes, so there goes your thoughts of divorcing your current spouse in hopes of remarrying your soul mate!

Do you know that second marriages only have an 80% chance of survival according to todays statistics? The truth is second marriages don't have the right to over throw the first covenant that was made in the first marriage. It was at that point that you agreed for better or worse, for richer or porer in sickness and in health. And God witnessed those very vows between you and your first spouse and HE uphold them and expects us to let our yes be yes and our no be no.

Matthew 5:37 NIV Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

We can't just change something that we already vowed to do for our own happiness. It just isn't the case. When we put our happiness against God's very word, we should know that consequences are eminent. We as Christians are taught to think of others higher than ourselves, to have the fruit of the spirit and to love one another, so where does pride and selfishness come in? It just doesn't, we have to let it go.

I know many would argue stating all the "what ifs" in efforts to get me to sway my thoughts, but I have witnessed many marriages turn from horribly bad to wonderful when they applied biblical principals to their marriage.

The key to changing your marriage is to allow God to change you. I know it sounds back wards, but remember at the top I stated that we are all imperfect. If your on the verge of divorce I ask you to think of your children, your family and how it will affect your walk with the Lord. God hates divorce, and shouldn't all Christians hate what God hates?

Malachi 2:15-16 (NIV)Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

This particular article is intended for those who feel like their marriage isn't all they thought it would be. It's for those who feel they not only want, but deserve better. I know you may be going through a lot of rough spots right now, you and your spouses may argue every day. The words that you scream at each other may not be great for the kids to hear or see. You might have every finical burden you can take right now, losing everything...but please don't loose each other. Don't lose the gift God gave you. Instead fall to your knees and pray for the Lord to change your marriage. Pray for Him to work on you, making you the husband or wife he created you to be. Dive into the word of God and nourish your soul with it. Happiness isn't in someone else's arms. It isn't in being single again and hanging out late with friends. God can give you your happiness and joy back. he can change your heart and He can rekindle the love in your marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NIV)To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

So before you throw away your marriage and get a divorce have a true heart to heart with God. His plan was for your marriage to work and His plans are never to hurt us.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

For more information on marriage, divorce and remarriage please click here to read a very informative in depth study on the subject.