Being Both Gay and Black: With Whom Does My Allegiance Lie?

In Sophia Coppola's movie Marie Antoinette, the titular historical figure asks if a war breaks out between Austria and France, is she to be Austrian or the Dauphine of France. Her advisor replies that she must be both. In the same vein, members of the black gay community are presented with a similar situation: are they to be black or gay.

There's the old joke about the lowest minority being a black lesbian with HIV/AIDS. A minority of a minority of a minority. A horrible joke, but it highlights the different degrees of second class citizenship.

Over the past eight years our country has undergone a social revolution. An ideological war has been raging: Straight versus Gay, Neo-conservative versus Ultra-liberal, Democrat versus Republican, rich versus poor, east coast versus west coast. President Obama was right in declaring our country has almost been ripped apart.

This war of ideas has it's roots in the 1960s. Blacks had the Civil Rights Movement. Women had the Feminist Movement. And The Gays (GLBTQ) had the beginnings of the Human Rights Campaign with the Stonewall Riot. The '60s were a tumultuous time indeed. It was a point in history when repressed minorities finally said "Enough!" and asserted themselves in various ways. The Blacks had leaders such as Martin Luthor King Jr and Macolm X; Feminism found intrigue in Betty Friedan; and The Gays had leaders such as Harvey Milk and Barbara Gettings. Admittedly, there are some key people left out. The point, however, is that all three of these movements are intertwined. Tired of being minorities and treated like second class citizens, in the '60s we all collectively rose up with fists.

When this country was founded , women were not allowed the right to vote at the founding of this country. Blacks, or rather slaves in southern states, were considered fractions of people. A white gay male at the founding of this country could vote and own slaves. He could choose to flaunt his homosexuality or hide it. Women and Blacks were not as lucky. It's no surprise that as the Suffrage movement was gaining momentum in the 1850s, the sudden surprise of the Civil War and addition of black males to the roster of those allowed to vote upset a few people. Yet, women such as Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriet Beecher Stowe and others understood the moral imperative for fighting the Civil War, and bided their time.

Throughout the history of the United States there has been this dance between the rights of blacks and the rights of women. Sometimes it appears as though the two are working in tandem with each other. "All right, you go first, and then we'll go." Probably not a conscious act, but the recent election of President Obama and the 'fight' with Hillary Clinton highlighted these two movements finally coming to blows with each other. People comment the fight was mean. I comment the fight wasn't nearly as vicious as it could have been, and both candidates exercised great poise, considering they were representing large minorities.

Mind you, the modern gay rights movement has its foundations in the same enlightened ideals of the womans rights movement and civil rights movement in the 18th and 19th century. Homosexual acts were punishable under sodomy laws. Many of today's younger members of The Gays fail to understand the oppression faced by both women and blacks. Being gay isn't visible. One can 'act straight' and cover up their gayness if they wish, or skip down Fifth Avenue waving a rainbow flag while doing rhythmic gymnastics to a techno-dance remix of Britney Spears and Liza Minelli. The foundation for gay rights begins much earlier than the '60s, but women and blacks have been fighting for equal treatment since the founding of this country. Being a woman or being black isn't easily turned on like a light switch. Sexuality concerns a private matter of what takes place between two consenting adults. While the debate continues over whether sexuality is innate or learned, being black as is being a woman is innate. One is born into their race and their gender.

And so, to be a 'Negro' and a member of 'The Gays' I often ask myself, "Where does my allegiance lie?"

At times, I want to simplify the issue and tell myself I must choose a side. It is impossible to serve two masters. When fighting breaks out between friends, there are three options: choose a side, ignore both ignore both friends until they either kill each other or settle their differences, or work towards reconciliation. The latter option of working with both sides is the hardest of the two, and most trying because as the leaders of civil rights movements of the past understand, change doesn't come easily. It is constant work, and that work is constantly tiring and exhaustive.

To identify as both black and gay in this country is still up for debate. Naturally this brings up the issue of being on the Down Low, and I can understand their point of view. Why become a visible double minority if one of them isn't as obvious or can be hidden. Nor is being on the Down Low tied to race; black, white, asian, hispanic and every other ethnicity are culpable in homosexual extramarital affairs.

To proclaim oneself as a member of The Gays/Homosexual/Transexual/Bisexual/Pansexual what-have you often means choosing between the desire to live one's life as one chooses or how another dictates. Unfortunately, a line ends up being drawn in the sand. To proclaim oneself as GBLTQ can mean choosing between a biological family one has known for years, or an extended family made up of people with like minds. But walking away from blood is never easy. Think of the abused woman who stays with her husband and why it is hard for her to leave: who will support her? Not simply financially, but emotionally, physically, etc. And what if there are children in the relationship? Does she endure for the sake of her children or walk away because, although it would be hard at first, anything would be better than bringing them up in that environment? Not quite the same situation, but similar circumstances arise when one declares his or herself out to their family. He risks being cut off from a support system that has been in place his entire life, and building a new one.

If I want to fight for change in both communities, then my allegiance must lie with both sides. Apparently, I must be a n***** and a f*****. A high heel wearing, pole smoking porch monkey. One can insert any racial epithet, because it is an issue not just for the black community, but Asians, Hispanics, Martians, Latvians and everyone in between who is a minority. Except, I am more than racial and sexual slurs. I am black. And I am gay. But these are not the only qualities that define me. I am also a writer, a poet, a brother, a friend, a confidante, and a student. There are a million other attributes that define me.

I'm fortunate to have a supportive family. I came out my senior year of high school in 2003, and my parents told me 'That doens't change our love for you, and we will continue to support you. But we cannot accept that lifestyle." They didn't mean they were abandoning me. They simply declared being gay put them in a position of moral conflict. Fast forward to last fall, where both of my parents showed up to hear me read at the Atlanta Queer Literary Festival because they knew it was important to support me. And a year ago, at a bar in our hotel in London my dad told me he didn't care who I loved, as long as I was happy that's all he wanted for me and would support me.

At the end of the conversation in Marie Antoinette between she and her ambassador, she declared that letting everyone down would be her greatest unhappiness. Letting down either side of communities that are important to me would be my greatest unhappiness, because identifying as a minority builds a camaraderie with others through shared experiences like members of a support group. I share common history and genetics with members of my black community. I share common interests, hopes and aspirations with members of my gay community. And with all Americans, I share a right to the pursuit of happiness.

Change doesn't come easily, but in the words of Gandhi, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." For some, this will mean taking drastic, assertive actions (hopefully non-violent) of leaving one's family if they do not support their goals and desires of living a life fulfilled. It will mean that sometimes a line will have to be drawn in the sand, and one says enough is enough. For others who have the luxury of asserting their rights modestly through gradual changes over time, they will endure being a double minority and change the minds of friends, family and other people in their lives by simply living their lives. It is constant work, and that work is constantly tiring and exhaustive. But there is the added benefit of going through these troubles now so that future generations won't have to.