Being Different is Good

In the hassle of daily living we often forget about certain things about ourselves, things that we might have left behind or that we might have concealed from society. Often, it is society itself that has forced us to shun that person we have within us, replacing it with a shell. Sometimes, we live and we put up a mask for people. How should I dress? How should I speak? What is it appropriate to talk about in circumstance X? What personality traits are acceptable by society?

We think about stereotypes of attractiveness. For males, we might put up a masculine shell. An "alpha male". We invest our energies in tweaking our daily attitudes to fit these images, images which we see everywhere around us, in MTV, in ads, and movies. It is like we are in a constant struggle, running away from ourselves and, instead, approaching what seems to be the ultimate ideal self. It is one which conforms to the highest and most demanding of social norms and is completely attractive, both in terms of personality traits and physical beauty alike.

Well, let me tell you, morphing into this ideal self might be a good way to fit into society so that you are not harmed, oppressed, or rejected. Of course, someone who is just like everybody else or who conforms is not likely to be shunned, and is instead entitled to being a member of society. Sometimes, this method seems to work. In fact, you will find that there will be people that even like you and love you with all your conformist traits. If you have mastered the technique of conforming to society's norm and knowing about stereotypes, it is possible you might even achieve positions of power and distinction.

However, even though conforming is good, modifying your intrinsic personality, or your very essence, to fit a stereotype of perfection, is not necessarily the best way to go. I know people might disagree with this. I mean, if it has worked so far, why not keep doing it? The reason is simple. It simply takes a lot of energy to push yourself to be someone that you actually are not. Another reason is that while trying to be whatever society considers good, you will not be able to enjoy yourself. All your energies will be directed to creating that outer image.

Now, a great deal of people might think that if they are truly themselves, society might reject them. The truth is, there are always people that will reject you, but having a different view is not a guarantee for rejection. Let me give you an example of something that happened to me today, when I met somebody I had seen once or twice, but didn't know very well. Her name was Giselle, and we spent the afternoon in a café, simply talking and hanging out. A large part of the afternoon, I had been cautious when being with her, and I had always been thinking about what is considered "attractive". I concluded that humor, an outgoing personality, and doing sports are considered attractive. Therefore, I tried to say a few jokes and tried to act as outgoing as I could, and I also tried to mention some sports that I had done recently. I did all this so that this woman would not consider me undesirable, or unfitting to those attractiveness stereotypes.

Eventually, however, the afternoon was dying out and I had run out of jokes as well as stories about me doing sports. For some time, I let her talk to me about herself. I often tend to be a better listener than speaker. However, it didn't take long for her to ask questions of her own.

When answering her questions, I always had a bit of hesitation due to the inner voice that said "will this be attractive to her?" She asked me about what I did when I was bored, if I liked to drink or not, what my plans were for the future, and about what kind of things I would do to get a girl's heart.

All of these questions seemed to have a slightly stereotypical side to them. "I like to hang out with my friends when I am bored, play some sports, go work out, whatever there is to do." "I do like to drink and party a lot, and have a lot of fun." "I plan to get a good job, earn some bucks, maybe travel the world and visit places." "Oh, I would be charming, make her feel protected, and would show her my sensitive side as well."

According to what society has told me, I could have said all the above answers and nothing bad would've happened. However, I chose to tell her what things I really did, even though that meant risking rejection. I mean, there is always that risk, when you are different. Thus, I answered: "When I'm bored, I play foosball, I read, and play soccer." "I don't drink much. I hate the taste of beer. I think hard liquor is better. Though it takes me a while to get drunk. I normally refuse a beer if I'm offered one. Unless I am feeling in a drinking mood." "Well, I plan to do some artificial intelligence. In about two years I plan on going to Scotland and hopefully go to a lot of foosball tournaments." "I would be there for her and I would smile at her, and just love her a lot and show it."

I had no guarantee that she was going to like me if I showed her my real me (the answers above). However, I got lucky. After some time of conversation, she told me "You have a very different way of seeing the world. That is very hard to find." This story had a happy ending, and the best part was that I knew that I could be different and still be liked. In fact, it is a new freedom and it feels very good. I'm glad that she didn't fall for someone who "likes beer, works out a lot, etc..." and that she fell for me instead.

However, I'm pretty sure that not all people will like me exactly for who I am. In fact, I suspect more people might like me for someone who I'm not. But being liked for who you are is priceless. And it does wonders for your self esteem. However, don't worry...if you are so special that absolutely nobody likes you, then you might want to play it safe and act like society wants you to be. In my case, however, I'll take the risky path of being me and reap the benefits. Good luck.