Being Happy During the Holidays: A Guide to Defeating the Holiday Blues

Almost thirty years ago in the wee hours of the morning on January 2, my family received a phone call that would change our lives forever. It was a call from the local hospital saying my father had been in a car accident. I was just a young girl and recall my mother leaving to go to the hospital, and an aunt coming over to stay with my brother and me. When my mother returned from the hospital, she gave me the news that my father would not be coming home again. I can recall vividly screaming uncontrollably at the news that my father was dead.

The next holiday was very difficult for my family, especially my mother. Every activity reminded us of my dad, and the family traditions were just not the same without him. Adding to the pain was the fact that my father died so close to the holidays. But over time the pain eased little by little.

If the truth be told, I am not alone. Many truly want to enjoy the holidays, but memories of the death of loved ones, loss relationships or even financial disappointments can loom during the season. Over the years I've developed a strategy that has helped me to enjoy the holidays each and every year. Possibly these tips will be helpful to you, or you can forward them to someone else who might struggle around this time of year.

1. Be thankful to see another year. We always have to remember that none of us are promised another day. Every day is a gift, and we should treat it as such. That said, instead of focusing upon what you are missing or do not have this year, be thankful that you are alive. Take this time to appreciate, love and enjoy everyone around you.

2. Set realistic expectations. Many holiday disappointments come about because of unrealistic expectations. So you are planning for all of the children/grandchildren to make it home for the holidays. But the truth is, weather, work schedules or even financial constraints might keep some of the kids away. Hope for the best, but don't make the happiness of your holiday contingent upon the entire family getting together. If you do, it is a set up for disappointment. Other things to be realistic about include holiday spending, festivities, meals, traditions, and gift giving as well as gifts you might receive.

3. Focus upon what you believe the holidays are really about. Whether you are celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, there is a deeper purpose/meaning behind these celebrations. Instead of focusing upon superficial things, build your celebration around the principles and true meaning of the holiday.

4. Think of others. Whenever I feel sorry for myself I think of my grandmother who always said, "no matter what you're going through, just remember, there is always someone worse off than you." This statement is so true about life. Just look around you. I'm sure you have a neighbor, co-worker or friend that is going through a rougher time than you. Instead of doing everything you can to make yourself happy this holiday, why not try making someone else's holiday happy. Vow to do for and show concern for others. You'll be surprised how quickly you forget about your own woes.

5. Determine not to live in the past or the future. I had a bad habit of planning for the next holiday in the midst of the present holiday. I'd always say, next year we'll do such and such and it will be the best holiday ever. Sound familiar? The opposite of living in the future is living in the past. Sure, it's okay to reminisce about the "good ole days", but don't let reminiscing prohibit you from enjoying today. Determine to enjoy the holiday you've been given this year.

6. Don't be married to your traditions. I grew up with a tradition of having a large Christmas tree. We'd spend an entire day choosing just the right tree and then at night we'd decorate it. Trimming the tree included lots of eating, and my mom would play the piano while we all gathered around for singing. When I was first married, my husband and I tried to please both families. I can recall one year driving from Ohio (where we were living) to Michigan to spend Christmas with my family, then leaving Michigan on Christmas day going to Tennessee to spend time with my husband's family. Never again would we do something so silly.

Our problem was that we were married to tradition. Initially when all of the kids couldn't make it home for the holidays, my mom would be sad. Soon, she decided to accept a change in tradition. Now, instead of planning for everyone to come to her home for the holidays, she takes turns coming to our homes. She's come to enjoy the idea of a Christmas vacation. So be willing to try something new. Don't me married to a tradition. Be fun, free and adventurous this holiday.