Being Married to an Older Man: How to Live with All the Criticism
If you are married to an older man then I am talking to you when I say that there are going to be times when you feel that you are at your wits end but being married to an older man isn't any different from any other relationship and I can tell you how to deal with the criticism and the feelings that you might feel while your are spending your life with this person.
The criticism
You can almost guarantee that someone is going to want to speak their mind about your relationship. I have been called a money digger and my husband has been called a child molester but guess what, we made our money together and I was way over the age of adulthood when we were married. I can't say that it didn't bother me at first but over time I got over it and so can you. I use to notice people staring at us and now I don't even pay attention.
Will he die before me?
This one was a hard one for me to swallow. I kept seeing my husband in a coffin and me as a widow at a young age. The reality is that no one is invincible and that everyone has to die at some time or another. It still bothers me but not as badly as it use to since I realized that I can make this the best years of our lives until one of us passes.
The jokes
I have probably heard every joke imaginable about our relationship and marriage in which some are too vulgar to actually say but I am quick on my feet especially when it comes to dishing jokes out. I use to let stuff like this bother me and now I laugh it up because in reality it doesn't matter what is said as long as you are the one who is happy.
The advice both good and bad
Being married to an older man seems to bring about advice from everyone including your next door neighbor. The good thing about advice is that you don't have to take it or listen to it if you don't want to. There is some advice that I do listen too such as the facts about men my husbands age since I want him to live as long as he can and to be in great health. The other advice that I get about us is something that I verily seldom listen too.
People will get over it
There is some good news that comes with being married to an older man and that is that people will get over it eventually. I was one of the lucky ones since my family didn't say much about me marrying an older man since they said that I am an adult and my responsibility became my own once I became an adult. My husband wasn't so lucky since till this day his family still talks about it but they do it in a way that is hardly noticeable. His family doesn't care too much about me but I still get invited to all the family dinners. I blame my age on them not liking me and it seems that their criticism got easier after we had our first child together.
Don't take it to heart
One thing that I have learned while being married to an older man is to not take everything to heart since it can be damaging to your relationship and your life. Those who say bad things will soon realize that it isn't what they thought it was after you have been married for a while and show people that you love each other.
Published by Rosa Hayes
Rosa is a full time student at OCCC with a major in political science. She is currently the author of many articles on parenting, life skills, family, and careers as well as many other things. View profile
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20 Comments
Post a CommentI've been with my husband for 6 years now,been married for a year. He is 21 years older than me. We have a 14month old daughter together, he is my best friend. I don't care how old he is and we live for the most part a happy life. People are going to think what they want to. But the ones who think negative are mostly unhappy and dont have any securties in there own relationships. It doesn't matter what people think as long as your happy thats all that matters.
I'm married to an older man 22 yrs older. We are happy but in the last year or so he's aged A LOT! He's still the same man I married and I do love him but I'm not attracted to him. I don't know if this is just a phase of all marriage or if I'm just looking to step out. For the first time in 12 years I'm noticing how much older he really is. I'm 30 he's 52.
Wow, I wondered if I was the only one. ;) My husband is 51, I am 24, found out a year ago I can't have kids, but he has three (the youngest is 4 years older than I am) all male. Has anyone here had problems with jealousy?! We've been together for 6 almost 7 years and I thought we were past all this, but recently it has gotten worse.. I dunno. Someone made the comment it is better to think it through and not make the decision lightly, while I agree with this, the behavior of his jealousy started after I signed my name on our marriage license.. Who knew? Oh, and a month after our marriage, I find out he cheated on me twice.. With two strippers who were 34-38 years old.. Never saw that coming. I've been called everything from "gold digger" to a pedophile's dream woman... It doesn't bother me what people think, it bothers me about not having children of my own, and dealing with undeserved jealousy..
I've been dating a man who's 22 years older than me. I'm 55, he's 78. He's in great shape, lively, fun, youthful, and a wonderful man. He tells me he's never truly been in love until me, and I know its true. He'd do anything for me. BUT, I freak out every few weeks thinking about his age and what's gonna happen down the line. Every time this happens, I break up with him, but go right back. I know I'd have no problems with him if he was even 10 years younger. I don't know whether to stay or go.
Just recently married a man almost 26 years older than me. I feel like I am am admitting some cardinal sin. I never thought I would feel this way or I would never have gotten married. We were together almost seven years prior to being married. I never had negative thoughts when we were together. I love him undoubtedly, but think about our future, and spend every minute of time with him feeling as if I am defending us. It is no way to live. I can say that it helped that my family accepted us, but in the long run it has made things worse. I love him, more than anyone I have ever met...just need to find strength. He doesn't help things either. I keep trying to make it work and I''m scared. Funny that I felt more alone when I was single than I do now. We used to have the best times and conversations.
As a woman married to a man 25 years older, I can unequivocally say, "Don't do it." And add, "Any man who would marry with that much age difference really doesn't have your best interests at heart." Marry him if he's a millionaire and gives it all to you. RUN if he's just an inappropriate older man who is looking for youth.
I have a bf 27 years my senior. He wants to marry me but am having a doubt if this is it or what. Of course I love him. But I worry for the future. :'(
Death knows no age. Beauty fades. I have been married for 20 years (together for 23). Anyone who offers up negative opinions are not your friends. If they were genuine friends all that would matter to them would be your happiness. And that applies to family members as well. Life is short...love as much as you can.
hello,
I myself am involved with a man that is 18 yrs older than myself. I love him with all my heart. Weve now been together for 6 years. Everyone always ask me, so, how did this happen? The fact is, I moved beside him, and would see him and his daughter every day. I was the one who made the effort to talk to him every chance I got. I don't believe he ever looked at me one time as someone that he would consider dating at the time. I made it a point to run into him every chance I got. I had never been so attracted to someone. I don't know what it was, I mean he is a good looking, sweet, kind hearted man. maybe that is what attracted me. But weve been together for 6 years now. We are sole mates. I don't care what people think about us. But I do know that it does bother him sometimes what people think about us being together.
This is happening to me right now. My husband is 14 years older than me. We have been married a year already%2C and I was fine til he had a birthday recently. Then people were asking%2C %22and How old is he%22%3F Like that matters%2C but it is really bothering me and I feel all alone and I feel like I should have waited to marry someone closer to my age%2C then I feel way guilty for having these feeling and I do love him and neither of us believe in divorce. What does one do?!