Being at Peace in My Relationship - Part 1 of 2

Let me say right from the start that I'm no licensed therapist. However, I've spent my entire life being around a lot of people. My mother gave birth to 12 children. With 2 siblings being dead by the time I was a year old, there were 10 of us being raised in the same house. I have 3 siblings younger than I.

So, with 6 older siblings I had the opportunity to learn so much from them; their personality development, teen relationships and marriages, and so on. I'm sure most of my siblings have no idea how much they helped in my personal development, directly and indirectly.

Being a musician for the past 35 years I've been in singing groups, held a few music/choir director gigs, directed many studio sessions, and when things were not so good on the music end of things, worked security positions in high rise buildings. Like I said, always around a lot of people.

And although I am a musician I've felt more like a bartender; for some strange reason people seem to always want to use me as a sounding board. These conversations can be about whatever's on their mind, but were often about the love relationships in their lives. And I've always welcomed every opportunity to dialogue. I guess if I could've been anything else in life it would've been some kind of counselor. For all the strangers and acquaintances I've talked to over the years, I've learned just as much or more from them as they may have from me.

About 10 years ago I worked at a hospital. One day I was having lunch with 3 male co-workers in the cafeteria and, as on many occasions, the conversation was about relationships. One co-worker, who I'll call 'Walt', was very frustrated that day about a conflict he was going through with his wife of 8 years (I'll call her "Shay"). Walt said that Shay suspected him of having an affair and approached him with it. According to Walt, Shay admitted to having no evidence; it was 'just a feeling' she had that he was cheating. Walt admitted to us that he'd cheated on Shay in the past, and that she never suspected or found out. He angry that he was now being accused after walking the straight and narrow for 2 years.

Walt stated that this was the first time that his wife has ever made such an accusation. I asked him what he planned to do about it. He said he planned to do nothing about it, because as long as he knew he wasn't being unfaithful it didn't matter what she thought. I asked Walt if he was concerned about the mounting tension in his relationship resulting from this unaddressed and unresolved issue, he simply shrugged and said, "She'll get over it! If she does not, I really don't care!"

Obviously, it would've been helpful to hear Shay's side of the story. Nevertheless, there are a number of issues at work here. At the top of the list, a lack of communication, and a lack of respect for each other's feelings and opinions.

In Part 2 I'll let you know what suggestions were made to Walt, if the situation was resolved and how.