Being a Role Model is Flattering

In High School, everyone just wants to be liked. They do drugs and sleep around and if they are pretty enough, the get elected for Queen or King of the school. At least that's what some kids did at my privileged upper class neighborhood. Me? I was in art class and liked working out and had a few crazy close friends. They wanted me to model but I couldn't even get boys to go out on a date with me so I figured I didn't have what it takes.

Then one day I met an old friend's mom. She said I was a good role model. That made me feel good. It even made me want to become a Christian. I thought, even though I got offered drugs and guys were fond of grabbing at me, I was a good role model. I wasn't very good at anything except behaving. I went to the gym a lot and made out with JP in art class. I never even went all the way with him even though I wanted to marry him and I never saw him again once I graduated.

So after I graduated, I found out there was something wrong with me. I became a Christian and started taking medicine. I thought no one would ever marry me now, so I stopped working out and started gaining weight. I went to school, got a degree and have been floundering ever since. It's hard fitting in when you're afraid someone wants to hurt you.

I like working with children now because they have so much hope. I have been asked if I wanted to get into politics. And I thought that's unlikely to happen. But I lost fifty pounds through diet and exercise and feel great and look stunning and I thought I'd make a good mom. I recently finished a book of poetry I'm getting published and want to work on publicizing it.

It's hard to know what to do. I always wanted to be a writer. But I get discouraged from the sheer lack of support. I wish I was better at selling my writing. I even had someone tell me that I was a stupid horrible writer. But that person was a paranoid conspiracy theorist. And I stand by what I said. I love America. Even though its not perfect. Even though the media pushed drugs, sex and rock and roll and glamorized heroin. Even if we get caught up in these obsessions and fascinations with different technologies, and trends.