Being Safe When Meeting a New Friend or Date for the First Time

When meeting someone new for the first time, being careful is the name of the game. Especially when you first meet online, then arrange to meet on a date. It isn't being paranoid to be careful, because nowadays, newspapers show the reality of common crimes committed against innocent people who trusted the wrong online dates or acquaintances. Life experience helps us to realize who to trust and who we can't. For young people, though, it is harder to recognize those who may have ulterior or sinister motives behind a friendly face. Here are tips on being careful when you want to meet someone but aren't sure about them yet.

Meeting in a public place is very important. Find a coffeehouse, restaurant or other venue to meet at, until you feel more comfortable with this person. Don't accept offers to go to more private places until the two of you have built a basic friendship first. Why? Because, there are some people who may seem like a perfect match, who says all the right things and has the background you may be looking for - but it may be all made up just to impress you. This happened to me with an ex-boyfriend I'd met online years ago, so I can speak from personal experience on this subject in particular.

The narcissistic personality is vain, quick to come on strong, usually very attractive, and in general, charming and exciting. They look and sound great because they know what to do and say to get you interested. But, when you become "theirs" or isolated by them (such as they move you in with them far from your family and friends,) they can begin to show their true colors.

In my case, my ex moved me in with him after months of dating and then became controlling, angry and abusive. I left and never looked back. He was high-strung, overly obsessed with himself, and began to find fault with every little thing I did. This is typical narcissistic personality behavior. Not all people are narcissists, but being involved with one is a losing battle. They cannot love, and usually have a trail of broken hearts in their past, of people they used, abused and tired of before ditching for someone they liked more. I didn't give this guy the chance, and left early. He stabbed my hand with a fork as I left, trying to control me for one last time. He was thrown in jail and I moved far away. I received a call from an ex-wife of his, telling me that all the fancy clothes he wore, had been bought by her. She said he'd cheated on her and used her before she, too, wanted out. He threatened her life when she kicked him out of her house. This man is an executive, who drives the "right" car, and attracts any woman who meets him. Dangerous people come in all shapes, socio-economic backgrounds and sizes. Be careful.

There are others who are only out for "one thing," and will do anything to get you alone so that they can try and seduce you. They usually come on strong, and their actions or words may have strong sexual undertones. It is best to avoid anyone who is this "on the make" because chances are; they are looking for a good time, but not a relationship. Trust no one who touches you inappropriately, or is too "forward" when just meeting you. Someone of substance and class will take the time to get to know you before wanting to jump your bones.

Anyone who doesn't take "no" for an answer is someone else who is better off avoided. Anyone who cannot respect your personal boundaries is not being respectful to your needs. Controlling people will try to make you see their way, without regard to your views on the subject. This is unhealthy if you plan to be in a relationship long-term. Controlling behavior is a common trait of abusers. Don't think that you can change them; people are the way they are. If you don't like what you are seeing as this person is now, without changes, it's best to move on.

The goal is to befriend or date a person who you are able to feel comfortable with and trust. Someone trustworthy will be respectful of your needs and wishes. They will get to know you at a slower pace, and will have the patience to let the relationship grow with each additional meeting the two of you have. Let things unfold in time. This will give you both times to relate better to one another and understand each other's lives gradually, in a healthy manner. Those who go to fast tend to crash and burn fast, too. Look at the young starlets in Hollywood, out with many different men, throwing caution to the wind and being careless. They end up divorced, or going through boyfriends like they do clothes. Men they meet don't respect them, and eventually, other people don't either. They moved too fast, and wanted too much, without being respectful to themselves or others. It pays to be cautious and let friendships grow at a speed that is comfortable to you and your friend. This is what long-lasting relationships are based upon. In time, you will find the right friend or love.