Being a Single Parent

Being a single mom was one of the most challenging things I ever had to do. I have three kids, and for the majority of their lives, I have been the only parent in their lives. I always felt that it was my job to not only be the nurturing mom, but also the disciplinarian "dad".

I had to not only go to work each day, but I also had to be the one to come home, help with homework, cook dinner, and make sure that they had and did everything that they needed to do. I often felt like I was not doing well enough in one area or another.

I had many instances where I thought I would literally pull my hair out of my head. My kids definitely had their own unique ways to get my attention. I will never forget the time my youngest son hit me in the head with a toy hammer to wake me up, or how the boys would try to help me take care of their little sister and end up frightening me half to death when they pulled on her or picked her up.

At the time, when I was a single-parent, I would over-compensate quite a bit. I felt somewhat guilty that my kids did not have a father who was active in their lives, and I would try to "make up" for it by buying them things whenever I had a little extra money to do so. I don't feel I spoiled them because I rarely had any extra money to spend, but I do feel that I was wrong to try to "make up" for their father not being there by buying them things.

I also became overly protective of my kids. I wanted them with me all of the time when I was not at work or they were not at school. I rarely let them out of my sight, unless they were with my parents or asleep. I made absolutely no time for meeting new people or dating, and I didn't care to have any time for myself. As a matter of fact, if I went anywhere, besides work, I took my kids with me.

I developed a very close and honest relationship with all of my kids. If they asked me a question, I would give them the simplest, and most honest answer I could. This taught them that they could always come to me for anything. I taught them that I will listen to what they say, and that their opinions deserve to be heard.

One benefit of them beginning their lives with only me is that they too are close. My kids may bicker among themselves a lot, but if one of them is ever in need of help, I have no doubt that they would all help each other. They are protective of each other, and also of me. In their eyes, I am the one who has been there since day one, and they know that no matter what happens, I will always be there for them.

I may not have made all of the best choices when I was a single mom, but I did a pretty good job. My children are all respectful, honest, and trustworthy. They are close to each other, and to me. They are all fairly well-behaved and very intelligent. They know how to work together, as well as how to work independently. I taught them these things, as well as many other things. My kids look up to me, and most importantly, they know how much I love them.

One valuable lesson I learned when I was a single parent is that "normal" is what you make it. If you live your life as a single parent as if it is okay and not unusual, the kids will grow and adapt just fine.