Being Stalked by Maxim Magazine: Intrigue, Pursuit and Deception

Maxim is a globally known men's magazine that originated in the United Kingdom. It was launched in the United States in 1997, and, according to Maximonline.com, the magazine boasts a circulation base of 2.5 million readers. By comparison, the rival magazine, GQ, has a readership of 800,000. This seems like quite a feat for a magazine just 10 years in operation to more than triple a competitor such as GQ, which has been in existence for more than 50 years. I found out the hard way how Maxim actually builds its circulation base.

I became familiar with Maxim in 2003, when a co-worker and myself were in a training class together. We had access to a computer with internet capability for the class, and at a boring moment during the training he whispers to me, "Do you want a free subscription to Maxim"? All I had to hear was the word free and I was in. Little did I know this was like being in the mafia...once you join you can never leave.

The first six months were fine. I was amused at the scantily-clad, overly air brushed photos of various models and actresses. The magazine was more like a catalog touting products from watches, liquors, clothing, and electronic gadgets among others. It seemed like a great way for an aging thirty-something to keep up with the latest trends. Then I received a phone call from the company.

Chet: Hello

Creepy Dude from Maxim: Is Chet there?

C: Speaking

CDFM: Hey buddy...how's that Maxim working out for you?

C: Uh...er, fine.

CDFM: Yeah, how do you like the ladies? Huh buddy? (Sounding like a guy in a high school locker room asking about details of my prom date) How are you liking those sweet, sweet ladies?

C: Well, it's not exactly Playboy, is it? You just can't dork off to it very well.

I figured this line would cause cause him to hang up the phone abruptly, cancel my subscription, douse his hands in Germ-X, and take the rest of the afternoon off. Mission then accomplished...right? Wrong! Instead, he began tap-dancing furiously about the benefits and features of the magazine, followed by a request for money for the subscription. After I stated that I was getting the magazine for free, he said that was only a promotion which would soon expire. I declined, thanked him, and hung up. However, the magazines kept coming. Calls kept coming too, with similar exchanges as the above. I officially had a stalker.

After two more years of magazine delivery, my wife and I moved to a new apartment to make room for our first child. To avoid telemarketers waking up the baby, we also decided to drop our landline phone in favor of cell phones. Since I did not notify Maxim of the move, and figured I would be finally be rid of the magazine. Well, the magazines kept coming - with my corrected address printed on them! Maybe Maxim was a shadow company of the FBI or some covert operations group.

Two more years of magazines followed, but this did not bother me since I was not getting any more phone calls. Finally, we decided to take a sabbatical from work and travel with our son. We got a UPS box and forwarded all of our mail there during our travels. After getting back from Peru this month our mail was delivered to us in Florida. A stack of Maxims thicker than an Indian phone book were there, with the address of our UPS box. They found me! These guys were more relentless than Scientologists selling Amway, crossed with that terminator from T2 - you know, the metallic shape shifter dude. That was my heart talking, of course. My brain assumed the magazine was sent back to them originally as undeliverable and included our forwarding address.

According to its web site, the company brings in more than $150 million in advertising revenue. That is why they are able to give away the magazine for free. They boost their circulation numbers in a key demographic (20 to 30 year olds) and charge more for advertising space for those companies trying to reach that group. It appears the only way to stop the magazines from coming is to fake my own death or find someone else to have them send it to. Any takers?