Being the Third Wheel but Not by Choice

We've all had that one friend that wants her boyfriend to go everywhere. You can barely get a moment to quietly have girl talk with her because here he comes again. When she wants to go out, she wants him to give her a ride, which means he has to stay with you two. You can't go to the club with her because he'll mind and swear she's trying to talk to other men. You love her as a friend, but what do you do when you just want it to be you and her?

Anytime someone is in a relationship, she's going to be around that person more. You're going to have to get used to the fact that she doesn't have as much time to hang out with you as she used to. She may have been your wingwoman before the new boyfriend, but she just can't be in two places at one time. As strange as it may sound, look at it as sort of a compliment that she's trying to hang with both of you instead of just ditching you altogether (many women do the latter).

But if you really want her boyfriend out of the picture, try these tips:

Tip One: Don't be rude to him when you see him coming. That includes rolling your eyes, groaning, or snapping "Why is he here again?" to her. Remember that this guy is someone that she wants around. Unless he's showing up unannounced, she invited him and she likes him so you being rude is not going to help the situation.

Tip Two: Be cordial to him, not just tolerant. If you three are always hanging out, he has to deal with you too, not just vice versa. There could be times when he just wants to hang out with your girlfriend and not you, but she's convinced him to hang out with both of you so she can share her time and not hurt anybody's feelings. You two might be in the same boat.

Tip Three: Pull your friend to the side and explain your situation. Make it clear that you don't have anything against her boyfriend, but you just want to hang out with her sometimes. If you like her boyfriend as a friend, it'll be easier. Then she'll know there's no animosity. If you don't like her boyfriend, she may think you're being mean or jealous. This tip is always one to handle with care.

Tip Four: Stop inviting her to places if you know he'll come. If you two have been hanging out for awhile, she'll notice the difference and call you on it if she wants to hang out. Then you can explain to her how you feel about wanting it to just be you two when you hang out. This is when she's going to have to make a decision, but do not give her an ultimatum. Never make your friend feel like she can only hang with one person, just let her know that that's her boyfriend, not yours, so you don't need to see him all the time.

Tip Five: Wait it out. You cannot make another person do something she doesn't want to do. You can ask all day, but actions are proof. And if she only wants to hang out with you when she doesn't have a boyfriend, then there are some deeper issues involved. But hopefully she'll understand and be able to divide her time better.

Tip Six: Avoid going places that will cause drama. There are things she can do with her boyfriend that you two simply can't. You may go to a club to manwatch, but if she's already got a man she loves, it's no fun for her. She's missing him while you're having the time of your life. You're also going to make him wonder what is your motivation. If you want her in places where there is competition, it may seem to him that you're trying to pull the relationship apart, especially if he's insecure anyway. (Some men will push their girlfriends out of the door to go party, but it's rare.) Take your friend places that he won't be as worried about-movie theaters, the mall, coffee shops. Of course there is the possibility of cute guys being there, but they're not on the prowl the way they are at parties and clubs.

It is possible to have healthy relationships and friendships, but just keep in mind that a boyfriend is both. Sometimes it just takes time for the gushiness of a new relationship to wear off, those two come back into the regular world, and all goes back to normal. Patience is key.