Benefits of Living with an Ex-Husband

Getting divorced was probably the best thing I have done for my marriage. My husband and I had problems for several years, and nothing was ever resolved. We went through a long phase of splitting up and getting back together which was like a nightmare roller coaster ride that just wouldn't end. Finally, when we were on good terms, but still in a slump, I asked him for a divorce. He agreed to the divorce because he thought that by some crazy chance he would be able to fix things. Nothing changed, because he wouldn't change, and I proceeded with my attorney to file the papers.

We lived separate and distance lives with little conversation for about three months to establish a change in our abusive patterns that had emerged from anger and resentment. With a 2-year-old in common, we had to communicate just enough to exchange our son for visitation. It was much harder on our son than it was on either of us.

Somehow, after getting past being angry and learning that now we didn't affect each other, we were able to start talking again, without the anger and resentment. We started hanging out together as friends with our 2-year-old in tow, so that he could have the benefits of sharing time with both parents. Finally, he would get to see what it is like to have two civil parents in the same room. We would go to Chuck E. Cheese or McDonald's and actually have a good time for once.

When the money started coming out of his check to pay for child support and alimony payments, he was barely making ends meet, and I just happened to be looking for a roommate. The situation presented itself at just the right time. We agreed to give it a shot. Now, when I say I am living with my ex-husband, I don't mean I am dealing with him because of child custody. He actually lives with me.

The situation is better than I could have ever expected. The obvious financial gain is that he now pays me $350 rent to live in the same house where he lived for free before the divorce. He chips in on groceries and helps out with some of the basic home responsibilities, even more so than when we were married. He is actually more active in the relationship now than when we were married. Almost as if we were dating again and he were trying to impress me with his abilities. I love that and I think I show him more respect now for being that way.

Another benefit is that he is around regularly to assist with the daily care of our son. That makes communication easier and our joint custody much less complicated. Our son is much happier because he gets to spend time with both parents every day and doesn't have to wait until the weekend to see his daddy. Because he is so young, he probably just sees us as typical parents, even though we are definitely anything but typical.

I don't think this situation would work for everyone. One of the main reasons it works for us is that neither of us is dating anyone or seeking to date anyone. So, there is no real jealousy factor involved to cause a disruption. We still care about each other, even though we don't act like a couple anymore. I don't really know how to define the relationship to outsiders, because to them it doesn't really make sense. The best way to describe it would be to say we are more like glorified room mates for the sake of raising our child. It is a little awkward, but definitely serving a purpose for now.

I explained to my ex that once our child is grown and gone, there won't be much reason for us to stay together and that he should consider that very seriously. If he continues to be respectful and responsible, there might be a chance for him to win me over again someday. But for now, I will still keep my distance and just enjoy the benefits of the situation.