Benefits of Maintaining Faithfulness in Marriage

People who have been victims of a cheating spouse will readily testify that they endured unspeakable pain and anguish when they found out about what was going on. I'm sure they never imagined that it would ever happen to them. They probably even thought that their marriage was rock solid. Where did it all start to unravel and go wrong? Could they have prevented their spouse from cheating? None of these thoughts likely clouded their thinking on their wedding day when they were united in marriage to their spouse.

When couples get married, it is true to say that they do not both enter into their marriage with the exact same hopes, expectations and dreams. Each person may even have differing views on marriage. While one spouse views the bond of marriage as permanent, the other spouse may secretly believe that if it doesn't "work out" they can easily seek a divorce and try again until they find the right person. Many more couples, particularly celebrities, are now drawing up pre-nuptial agreements prior to their wedding day. This worries me because it suggests that the couple do not trust the strength of their love enough to just go through with their marriage and work on continuing to strengthen it afterwards. Oftentimes, these marriages dissolve very quickly and the pre-nuptial agreement then acts as their safety net. This devalues marriage from what it should really involve and that is a foundation based on commitment and love.

Couples need to be really sure of themselves and each other before they get married. Getting married on a whim will only lead to sorrow later on. This is true of Eastern and Western couples. Evaluate your goals as a couple, not just as single people, and see if marriage will enhance your relationship. Arranged marriages are often very successful because couples have been able to openly discuss what they expect from their marriage and then sought advice from their parents. Couples also tend to enter arranged marriages with a more realistic view of the permanence of their union and that can foster a deep commitment and bond that then quickly turns into a love match later on. For Western couples, some view marriage as simply the "natural" step forward after a lengthy relationship. However, marriage does not come automatically when you have known someone for any length of time. Some people are just not meant to be together and they stay together hoping that they will someday be transformed into "the one". It is best to find this out before getting married, rather than finding out to your peril afterwards that you made the wrong decision. It never ceases to amaze me when I hear of couples who say they knew they should not have married their spouse but went through with the wedding anyway, hoping their doubts and fears would clear up over time. It does not work that way! I have a friend who did just that. She married her husband without really knowing anything about him. Now, eight years and two children later, she has walked out on her husband. She knew it was wrong from the beginning, but could not turn her mistake into a happy marriage.

A trend among many couples is how they allow an emotional void to develop in their lives. The space that should be occupied by a loving soul mate is actually left vacant. Rather than working on bridging any differences and talking openly about problems before they escalate, couples can become emotionally distant and cold towards one another. This can provide the breeding ground for some couples to cheat on their unsuspecting spouse. It can be more tempting to give in when their spouse is their spouse in name alone. Perhaps they view them more as a friend or as a brother or sister. As we all know, the effects can be devastating for the innocent spouse.

There are so many benefits to avoiding this trend and remaining faithful to our spouse. For one thing, start off on the right foot, by marrying the right person for you. That means you have set yourself up with a better chance of success than those who are hasty. Do not impulsively pick the first person who comes along, but choose a person you can honestly see yourself spending the next 30, 40, 50 or more years with in happy matrimony. Remember too, that the person you marry today will change over time, but if you are genuinely committed to making your relationship work and you love one another you can overcome most obstacles As the years pass, you will build up a strong love and friendship for one another. Can you finish each other's sentences yet? Do you know what the other one is thinking? It will come! Such intimacy is touching to see, but it can be a reality in all marriages if couples strive to improve their marriages.

A happily married couple is a couple who can trust one another implicitly. I cannot emphasize trust enough. Without it, your marriage is basically dead. If you are recovering from adultery, and have chosen to forgive rather than divorce your spouse, trust will have to be gradually earned once more. Once you have cheated, all those years of implicit trust that your spouse had for you will now count for nothing. It is much like starting the race from the beginning again. Do not think that because just a few weeks have passed since you were forgiven, that the hurt and pain will now be forgotten. You have simply been forgiven, but your spouse may never forget what you did. So do not think they are being unreasonable when they want to know where you are every time that you are not with them. If you said you would only be gone for an hour then make sure you keep that promise. Your spouse may assume that you are still cheating. So do not give him or her any reason to think that. It is only fair that you aid in this healing process by co-operating with their wishes and reassuring them of your love. Over time, the trust will return, but until it does, help your spouse recover from the wounds that you have inflicted.

Some people may no longer highly prize a clear conscience, but it is a by product of maintaining faithfulness in your marriage. We are happy to know that we are not guilty of doing anything wrong to betray or hurt our spouse. We are not living in dread wondering whether our lies will be exposed because we know we haven't told them any. One lie does not then have to perpetuate another lie. The view that what they don't know can't hurt them is false. Sooner or later they will find out and when they do it will hurt them more than you ever thought possible. But if you are mindful of the seriousness of your wedding vows, you are more likely to avoid the temptation to cheat. When you are not together, maintain a good conscience by not flirting or encouraging someone else's advances. Let people know you are married and wear your wedding ring to work. Talk about your spouse and make it clear you are happily married. These are all safeguards. Can we be truly faithful to our spouse if we feel attracted to and then proceed to encourage someone else? Our affections and sexual desires should therefore only be directed towards our spouse. It is to them that we promised to be faithful to in marriage.

By working hard to avoid adultery and by continuing to strengthen your marriage, you can maintain faithfulness in your marriage and remain happy. Do not be the cause of your spouse's heartbreak just because you gave in to temptation and cheated on them. They deserve better than that kind of treatment. Instead, recall all the good that your spouse provides and why you chose to marry them in the first place. Marriage can and should be a happy, permanent union of two people.