Benefits of Seeing a Psychologist

You should go to a psychologist if a) you are dissatisfied with some area of your life which affects your emotions and your psyche, b) because you want this area to change. The truth is, a psychologist could help you overcome many problems, but in order for this to happen, you must be very willing and motivated about being there. If there is no motivation to get help, then you should not go to one.

I will take depression as an example. Suppose that there are many issues that cause you depression, yet you believe that these issues have absolutely no solution, or that you are the only one who has the key to solving them, and nobody else can help. In this situation, it is basically useless to go to a psychologist because hey, you don't want to be there, and you won't listen to the guy.

Now, we have established that only condition in which you should go to a psychologist is when you actually want to. If you are skeptical about psychologists, just keep in mind that you could use all the help you can get to solve your problem. In the end, you have nothing to lose.

When you have achieved this step, there are still some other obstacles you should be aware of. For example, I know people who have willingly gone to a psychologist and been later disappointed. This is not unusual, and unfortunately it causes people to generalize and be unwilling to seek more help. Several disappointments are caused by things such as he doesn't understand me... she doesn't really care about me, she only cares about her job... she tells me that I am unique and special and I hate it, she's just saying it to please me!

I have heard all of these reasons. Let me thus tackle them and clarify a few things. If you feel that a psychologist does not understand you, it is because you are not communicating in the right way. All psychologists are capable of understanding someone given that the person can explain things clearly and be honest. If you find yourself in this situation, just try to take it easy. Try to express yourself clearly and try to make him understand you. If this process doesn't seem to be working, feel free to discuss this matter with your psychologist. When you have done so, at least your psychologist will know how you are feeling and will try harder to comprehend you.

The second reason, which deals with not feeling "loved" by the psychologist, is also common, but it can also be overcome. First of all, it is important that you realize that the psychologist's job is to help you. Yes, you are their job. This does not mean that they cannot help you. As a matter of fact, since they are being paid for it, they are forced to help you. But do they care about you, you ask? I don't know. In the worst case scenario, they would be indifferent. However, I believe most psychologists do care about the well being of their patients, even in the possible absence of an emotional link between both.

So, we have established that the psychologist is there to help you in a professional way, and is in no way forced to love you or to show feelings of affection towards you. If you are constantly being frustrated by your unloving psychologists, this is probably due to the fact that you truly need someone to love you. That is a friend's job, not a psychologist's. You should put aside all emotional matters between your therapist and yourself. This is for the purpose of the psychotherapy. In any case, feel free to discuss this very matter with them if you start feeling this way.

Another cause of disappointment is being called special and unique very often. A similar problem is having them say "It is normal for people your age to feel that way." Yes, I know this doesn't make you feel any better! Anyhow, when a psychologist starts telling you that you are special more often than you would like to, I believe it is important for you to address the matter. In reality, your psychologist might genuinely think that you are special, but given the fact that these words tend to be overused and misunderstood, telling your psychologist about it might be a good idea. When you mention it, try to be as honest as possible. You might say something like this: "Sorry, I just...I don't feel that great when you keep telling me that I'm unique, because I feel you are just trying to make me feel good. And even if you aren't, I still don't believe I am and I don't see how you can convince me just by saying it. Could we take a different approach to this and avoid too many of these comments? I don't think they are that helpful to me."

Remember, they are there to help you and they are not your enemy. Try to be receptive and open, because you will receive whatever you put into it. My advice, in general, is to always be honest. Be as honest and as accurate as possible, and your psychologist will know you better and be able to help you. Another tip is to say things no matter how random they seem to you. For example, feel free to interrupt the conversation and say "Oh, I just got a feeling like I want to laugh for no reason."

This brings me to my next point. If you feel like doing something, by all means do it. Well, actually, let your psychologist know first, and then do it if possible/allowed. If you actually do what you feel like doing, it can be quite a liberating experience. For example, if you feel like crying, then doing so would be very liberating emotionally. Even if you feel like saying something embarrassing, or perhaps insulting your psychologist... Of course, if you are going to insult your psychologist, make sure you let them know that that is what you feel like doing. They will understand and will encourage you to do it (do not do it without warning them, though).

Finally, please feel free to tell your psychologist how you want your therapy to go. If you have ideas you would like to try out, you should definitely say them. Many people end up having a bad psychotherapy experience because there was something about it that they wished would have been different. However, most of them don't know that most psychologists are willing to modify the way they run their meetings in order to suit your wishes. You just need to tell them! For example, I once told my female therapist "Could we please talk more specifically instead of talking in general terms. I think that when you ask me to recall specific childhood memories, it is very helpful for me, as opposed to simply listening to a general explanation of what's going on. Also, is there a way we could do some role playing? Perhaps we can do some role playing in which you are my father, and I have to talk to you about a conflicting subject." Believe it or not, all of my advice was heard, and my initially mediocre meetings with her eventually became very successful. The effects of the meetings transcended to my every day life. And I am sure a big part of it was due to my telling her how I felt, and asking her for things that I wanted. I was very satisfied in the end.

What I can tell you is, don't give up on it. If you don't think it is helping you too much, at least you have somebody you can talk to about anything (yes, you should be able to talk to them about pretty much anything). Having someone to talk to is an advantage, and even though it might seem like a monologue sometimes, you have the reassurance that there's someone listening on the other end. Many times, though, psychotherapy will work and the insight that your psychologist gives you can often calm you down and reassure you in the times that you need it. Furthermore, remember that they are professionals and they are also people who have experience dealing with people. Whenever you doubt whether they "know their stuff" or not, remember that they do have experience. And if anything, they can give you a third person perspective instead of your own. And this could make all the difference. Cheers!