Bertie Bott's Jellybeans - so Bad They're Good

While browsing the strange and often tempting candies at the local Target, my friends and I came across Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. There have been some fairly questionable Harry Potter products (the $29.95 plastic version of Harry Potter's wand at Barnes & Noble) but I must say that the one thing that struck me as irresistable was a random bag of Jelly Bellys.

Like very other junior high schooler, I took enjoyment in creating the most vile and disgusting concoctions in the lunch room (Root Beer flavored milk, sparkling water, barbecue sauce, mustard, and other things) Therefore, it's only natural that something with "earthworm" as a flavor is an instant buy for me.

From what I have experienced, the Jelly Bellys perfectly resembled their true life counterparts. I'll present the next part as the dialog that ensued between my friends Kyle, Tom, and me as we sampled the magical flavors inspired by their Harry Potter origins.

"So what's this green one then?" Tom asked me. After taking a cursory glance at the mini-booklet that came with the bag, I announced, "Green apple." As he popped the little piece of candy into his mouth I saw him instantly grimace. "Oh GOD! This tastes like grass!" It was, of course, grass, but I didn't want to ruin the fun. The bag was passed until we came to the next strange flavor.

"Ugh...this jelly bean just looks like it has some kind of disease," Kyle said, picking up a spotted bean. "It's black pepper..." I said quickly. I had wanted to try that one. Following the ensuing gagging and spitting, I reached into the bag and fished out one with yellow spots. Buttered popcorn.

"Well it's not too bad I bet since it's an actual food." I was wrong. Buttered popcorn was quite possibly the worst flavor I sampled. This included Vomit, Grass, Ear Wax, Soap, and Booger. Immediately proceeding the long round of "Son of a..."s and "For the love of..."s, we passed the bag around until we finished it off as well as our bottles of Jones Sodas.

I remember noticing the price of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans as somewhat high, but for the 20 minutes or so of enjoyment it purchased, I'd say it was worth it. Every time we pass them in the candy aisle, we get vivid flashbacks of buttered popcorn, spaghetti, and earthworm and can't help but chuckle at the border-hurl-inducing flavors that the bag holds.