Best Alarm Clocks on the Web

In my ideal world, no one would need alarm clocks. We would wake up only after we had gotten a good night's sleep, refreshed and ready to meet the world with a smile. Unfortunately, in the real world most people must rise from slumber at a specific time--no matter that the body is still exhausted and the brain, in the early hours, has the thought-processing capabilities of a bowl of oatmeal.

Alarm clock designers know that their products are necessary evils. Some designers take pity upon all of us and try to design happy, peaceful alarm clocks that perform the necessary job while letting us retain some dignity and mental Feng Shui.

Gentle and kind alarm clocks:

The makers of the Peaceful Progression Wake Up Clock--

If nature sounds do not suit you, the Zen Alarm Clock--found at http://www.now-zen.com- may be a finer choice. A chime reminiscent of a Tibetan bell will gradually draw you from your cozy bed. Gradual is better, claim the makers of this clock. The Zen Alarm Clock can also be used as an "interval timer" to let you know when your meditation session, or therapy session, is over; or it can be used to remind you when to remove the tofu surprise from the oven so that you don't ruin dinner again.

The Zen Alarm clock has many lovely features; however, it does not use light to waken you, and would not be the best choice for those suffering from SADD. Sufferers of the winter blues, or the more serious SADD, would be better off buying an the Peaceful Progression Wake Up clock or the Soleil Sun Alarm Clock.

The Soleil Sun Alarm Clock, which can be found at http://www.serenityhealth.com/sun_alarm_clock.html boasts a radio, a selection of alarm sounds, and a glowing lamp that mimics a natural sunrise. This clock lacks the aromatherapy of the Peaceful Progression clock, but its other features and design might appeal to some tastes.

One of the most innovative alarm clocks is the The Voice Interactive Alarm Clock --http://www.hammacher.com/ . This clock responds to voice commands and also allows you to record your own messages to use, if you choose, in place of the traditional alarm sound. This has great potential. Imagine waking to your own voice, or that of a loved one saying things like, "Wake up, your Highness" or "Rise and shine, ye most sexy person in the whole world."

I've discussed a few products created by, presumably, compassionate designers. What about the more cruel? Evil alarm clocks abound. The clocks I will cover here were clearly designed by sadists. If gentle awakening is not for you, these clocks will suit you.

The most evil alarm clocks:

The Sonic Bomb Clock's alarm can bet set to a 113 decibel loudness. 113 decibels, in case you don't know, is very loud. As if the ear-splitting alarm isn't enough, this clock also has a bed shaker that you can slip under the bed. As you slap your hands over your ears to protect your ears from the alarm, the bed will be rattling your bones. One feature can be used without the other, if you wish to give yourself a nice break from torture. This evil clock can be found at http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/8f1a/.

Less evil is the clock called Clocky. Clocky gives you a moment to compose yourself after the alarm goes up. If you don't get up pretty quickly, however, Clocky, tries to hide from you. This clock has wheels and will maneuver around your furniture in its attempt to escape your sleepy grasp. If you want to be annoyed into wakefulness, this is the clock for you.
An airborne version of Clocky is the Flying Alarm Clock. At the set alarm time, this clock launches a part of itself into the air. This object will fly around the room and the alarm clock will not stop sounding until you place the part back on its base. Oh the fun that can be had in the wee hours! belong to this first camp of compassionate designers. According to the blurb, this alarm clock awakens the sleeper by using light, scent, and sound. A special lamp gradually increases its glow half an hour before the set alarm time. The lamp also gradually warms, releasing scent from aromatherapy beads that are included with the clock. About fifteen minutes before the set time, nature sounds that you can select the night before begin to coo, chirp, or babble. At the set time, a buzzer will finish the task--unless you've selected the nature sounds only. In case you are afraid of the dark, this clock even comes with a nightlight setting.