Best Dumb Blonde Jokes

It had to be a brunette who told the first dumb blonde joke, no doubt peeved by all the TV commercials claiming that blondes have more fun. Who but an empty-headed blonde could be so oblivious as to have fun when so many people in the world are experiencing real or imagined calamities.

Okay, so maybe it's just a theory.

Still, you have to admit there is something funny about a really good dumb blonde joke, even if you view the concept of a dumb blonde as a metaphor for a slightly egoistic but clueless person (think Ted Knight on the old Mary Tyler Moore Show). Since blondes are supposed to have superior lives anyway, it seems okay to caricature them as mindless people as opposed to satirizing people of a certain skin color, racial background or other shared characteristic.

Politically correct or not, here are the best dumb blonde jokes:

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats."

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six, please" she said. "I could never eat twelve!"

Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They find a 100 dollar bill. Who picks it up?

A. The dumb blonde, because the other ones don't exist!

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Q. Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?

A. She couldn't find eleven on the phone.

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?

A. A golden retriever.

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink and sat on stools watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice?

A. Because it said "concentrate."

A blonde was going to Paris and she had a coach seat. When she got on the plane she sat in first class. A flight attendant came over and told her to go into coach. She said she didn't have to. Another flight attendant came over and said if she didn't go into coach she would get the co-pilot. She said she wouldn't move. They summoned the co-pilot who was married to a towhead and bragged that he could speak blonde. He walked over to the blonde woman and whispered something in her ear. She immediately got up and went into coach. The other two asked him how he did it and he said, "I told her that the first class section of the plane wasn't going to Paris."

Q. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

A. Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?" "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground." After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

A redhead a brunette and a blonde were in a car going to the park when a traffic cop pulls them over they begin to beg and cry for the officer to let them go. Finally he agrees if they each can answer one simple question. They agree so he asks the redhead what kind of sound a dog makes. She thinks a minute and says "bow wow bow wow" so the cop says, "Okay, that's one down, two to go. So he asks the brunette what kind of sound a cat makes, and after a couple of seconds she replies, "meow meow." The cop says, "Okay, one more." So he looks and sees that the last lady is a blonde and he decides to ask her a simple question: "What's one plus one?" The blonde thinks for a couple of minutes and says "two." The surprised officer says, "Okay, you're free to go." After a few minutes of being back on the road the redhead says, "I sure am glad I knew something about dogs." The brunette says, "Yeah, I'm sure glad I knew something about cats." The blonde say, "I'm just glad I had my calculator!"

There was a man outside mowing his lawn. He lived next store to a blonde who had just gotten a computer. She went out to her mailbox to check the mail and went back in. After she had done that 10 times, the guy asked her why she kept coming back out side and she said, "My computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail!'"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all of his employees' well-being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" She replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss feeling very sorry at this point says to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day. We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and relax." The blonde very calmly states. "No... I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off my problems, and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying. He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay?" "No!!" exclaims the blonde, "I just received a call from my sister and she said that her mother died, too!!"

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? The power went out for five hours leaving 12 blondes stranded on the escalator.

A man hires a blonde to paint stripes down a road, but she has to keep the contract and do at least four miles each day. The first day, the blonde does eight miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day the blonde does four miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as much as before. The third day, the blonde does two miles. The boss thinks she is just having a bad day, so he still lets her keep the job. The fourth day, the blonde only does one mile. The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. Why aren't you doing well now?" The blonde replies, "I can't get far because each day I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver's license. The motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer." The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over! You can go now."

Do you know any really funny dumb blonde jokes? Feel free to add your favortie in the comments section.

See also: Best Sarah Palin Jokes

Sources:

http://www.blonde-jokes.co.uk

http://www.coolblondejokes.com

http://www.jokesblonde.com/

http://northvalley.net/jokes/jokes/jokesblonde.shtml