Best Quotes from 'House'

Dr. Gregory House is the best-written, best-acted character on TV.

There, I said it. Challenge me if you want, but you won't change my mind.

The lead character of FOX medical drama "House M.D.," House is witty, abrasive, sarcastic, stubborn, sometimes ridiculous, often egotistical and almost always right.

I find House's logic refreshing, particularly in a world of network TV characters that rarely stray from the accepted norms of society. He's direct with his employees, superiors, friends and patients. He often spits out phrases that make me cringe and laugh at the same time, and Laurie's delivery and dryness are the perfect compliments to the brilliant dialog creator/head writer David Shore and his team churn out every episode.

Here are my favorite quotes from Dr. House:

"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic."

"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."

"There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function."

"Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people."

"I hurt my shoulder playing Fantasy Football."

"I take risks, sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math."

"I'm not deflecting because I'm avoiding something deep. I'm deflecting because I'm avoiding something shallow."

"If I'm in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills."

"Okay, fine! I'll father your child! But first you gotta write me a Vicodin prescription. Just so I can get through the foreplay."

"Sixteen splenectomies. Pretty sure he gets a set of steak knives with that."

"Guy's bleeding out of his pores. What does that tell us? Other than that you don't want to play basketball against him and he's dying?"

"It's one of the great tragedies of life - something always changes."

"I choose to believe that the white light people sometimes see... they're all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down ... There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical relevance to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting ... I find it more comforting to believe that this isn't simply a test."

"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is - in fact - a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."

Sources:
Quotes for Dr. Gregory House, IMDb.com
House M.D., IMDb.com
House (TV Series), Wikiquote.org
House Rules, Houseisms: Rules, Proverbs, Philosophy, Quotes, HouseMD-Guide.com