Best Rock Reunions that Will Never Happen

Summer concert season provides an overabundant amount of hype for bands that could or could not be reuniting. Any band that experienced "artistic differences" years ago can now get back on the same music page. That page includes wads of greasy cash.

Some bands are able to put aside physical hate and can trot out their big hits like the old days. Other bands never seem to get it off the ground. Not to mention all the other factors that make reunion tours impossible, including death, drugs or mental insanity.

The following are some rock band reunions that music fans would salivate over. Wipe your face because they will never happen.

Van Halen

So close, yet so far away. The bad blood between Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth is the stuff of rock legend. This is what can be said about Eddie Van Halen. After surviving tongue cancer, he still chain smokes with reckless abandon. Obviously this man enjoys his bad habits.

Come reunion time, Eddie Van Halen would rather go to rehab then spend three months on a tour bus with David Lee Roth. Anybody who heard Roth's radio show may understand that sentiment, but the armored cash truck isn't pulling in to your driveway.

The odd and unexplained departure of Michael Anthony and hiring of the junior Van Halen on bass only adds drama to this spandex soap opera. Maybe Sammy will be available again next summer.

Pink Floyd

The Live 8 thing doesn't count. Everyone had to put on a happy face for that, Bob Geldof must have some dirt on the Pink Floyd guys.

Hardcore fans will never get to see the original Pink Floyd again. The one that recorded Piper at the Gates of Dawn with that legendary burnout and crazy diamond, Syd Barret.

The second incarnation of Pink Floyd, the one that never seemed to get beyond Barrett's madness, but were able to ride it all the way to platinum sales and arena headlining won't be hitting a town near you anytime soon. Roger Waters and David Gilmour have bickered like little schoolgirls over just about everything.

In the meantime, the Pink Floyd Laser Light Spectacular should be pulling through your city very soon.

Guns 'n Roses

What attracts people to Guns 'n Roses? In their prime they weren't the most considerate of bands. Concerts rarely started on time, and when they did start Axl Rose would find some way to make them end early. Usually with the evening ending in overturned police cars and flaming seat cushions.

The original lineup splintered over a few years, instead of blowing up in one big burnout. Everyone went their separate ways. Slash released a few solo albums, Duff exploded his internal organs and Axl set upon a ten-plus year creation of what can only be the greatest piece of music to ever be recorded, in recorded music history, to make up for the hype.

All would be forgiven though. Get the band back together and Guns 'n Roses could fill any arena in the world. The first strains of "Welcome to the Jungle" would make people's heads explode in excitement. Don't count on ever seeing brain matter splatter in ecstasy.

Axl Rose is beyond the rational thought of a human being. Obviously money is no issue, Chinese Democracy has cost a fortune and the few shows that Rose has scheduled with his version of G'nR haven't been a priority.

On the other side, Slash has been cordial to every idiot who has asked him about a reunion. Velvet Revolver will meander along with the increasingly twitchy Scott Wieland as lead singer and rock fans will continue to be robbed of a band that was too good for their own good.

The Beatles

Obviously this one has no chance of happening. It would have been the greatest rock reunion to ever happen. Mere currency would not be sufficient to purchase a ticket. Fans would pull off their own arms in exchange for a seat.

The question should not be, "If John Lennon survived, would the Beatles have reunited?" The question should be, "When would they reunite?" By the 1990's technology would have made taking the Beatles music on the road a breeze. After they would have reunited for 3 songs at Live Aid, it would have taken a few years to get everyone on the same page and ready for a full scale reunion.

The requisite reunion album would have been passable, but unnecessary. The tour could be a mere hour and a half of the hits or three hours of self-indulgent mess. Music fans would salivate the whole time.

It will never happen. All we have is the past. Maybe it is better this way.