Best of Seinfeld Vol. 1

The only good thing about the demise of NBC's highly acclaimed anchor of the network's Thursday night "must-see TV" of the 90's is that, with Seinfeld in syndication for several years now, it is possible to catch the show far more than only once a week. TBS offers up a double helping of the "show about nothing" every day Monday through Friday from 4-5 p.m. in America's heartland, 5-6 p.m. EST. At 6:30 local time, a local station serves up another helping, only a single one, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Seinfeld gave popular culture such phrases as "regifter", "my boys can swim", "master of your domain", "do women know about shrinkage?", "no soup for you!", and many others over it's nine year run. I was a late convert to the show, only starting to watch around 1994, about halfway through the series' history. However, once I started watching, I came to the realization that the characters were "real and they're spectacular".

The Seinfeld Chronicles began in July 1989 as a summer replacement series, breaking the monotony of summer reruns. Only a few shows were aired in that summer and in 1990, with 1991 being the first full season of Seinfeld. Without further adieu, here is my list of ten of the best Seinfeld episodes in chronological order, seeing as how it is so hard to rank the episodes with nearly all of them being uproariously funny.

In the only Seinfeld episode in my memory that did not include the "hipster doofus", then known only as "Kramer", on May 23, 1991, Jerry, Elaine and the inimitable George Costanza starred in The Chinese Restaurant. In this episode, the trio met in a chinese restaurant, of all places. As the three waited, waited and waited some more for a table, Jerry dared Elaine to go up to a table of strangers, eat an eggroll off of one of their plates, and without saying a word, walk away. George obsessed, as only George could, over a phone call he was expecting from a woman as other patrons kept beating him to the payphone. And the clueless maitre'd kept giving tables to patrons who had waited for much less time than Jerry, George and Elaine. Finally, the man played by James Hong, exclaimed "Cartwright, party of three!" meaning Costanza,.... just after the three walked out the door to go to some burger joint.

The Seinfeld episode aired on Oct. 16, 1991 brought us a "library cop", appropriately named "Bookman". It seemed Jerry had never returned a book that had been checked out years before, 1971 to be exact, when Jerry and George were pimply-faced high schoolers. Which is where Lt. Bookman enters the picture. Hall, a former English teacher, makes a perfect straight man for Jerry as the no nonsense Bookman, keeping a straight face as he uttered such lines as: "I've seen your type-making the scene, flaunting convention.... What about that kid sitting down, opening a book and finding pictures of pee pees and wee wees in The Cat In The Hat and the 5 Chinese Brothers?" "This is about a kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Maybe that's how you and your goodtime buddies get your kicks. I've got a flash for you joy boy. Playtime is over!"

It turns out Jerry had loaned the book to George, who had it taken away by the gym teacher, a man with what George referred to as "baked bean" colored teeth. A man who referred to George as George "Can'tstand-ya". This episode also includes Jerry explaining the atomic wedgie to Elaine. "Boys are sick" Elaine exclaims. "What do girls do?" Jerry asks. "Tease them until they develop an eating disorder" is the answer.

Two weeks later, on Oct. 30, 1991, another Seinfeld classic episode aired, The Parking Garage. In this one, the gang of four can't find Kramer's car in a mall parking garage. They split up and first Jerry, then George separately get arrested for public urination for relieving themselves in a remote corner of the garage. Jerry's excuse is that he suffers from an obscure bladder ailment known as "uromysetisis", meaning that he cannot hold it for long. George offers up a similar excuse, to no avail. The four are finally reunited just in time to get tossed from a scientologist's vehicle after George makes a remark about L. Ron Hubbard. How George!

On Jan. 8, 1992, NBC aired the Seinfeld episode entitled The Subway. On this one, all of the gang of four have unusual Seinfeldian experiences on the subway. George meets a woman he takes a fancy to and gets a hotel room with her, only to wind up handcuffed to the bed as she steals his wallet, which contains all of $8. As a result, the disgusted woman steals George's only suit which he bought for a job interview, leaving him wearing only his bvds. Jerry falls asleep and wakes up with a naked man sitting across the way. They wind up discussing the N.Y. Mets' chances of making the World Series. Kramer gets a hot tip on a horse and gets his bet down just in time. Elaine, is on her way to a lesbian wedding in which she is the "best man". The subway stops halfway to her destination and the viewer can hear her thoughts as she is surrounded by riffraff.

In a Seinfeld episode of May 6, 1992, Jerry has his fill of Kramer's mooching and asks the "K Man" to return the keys to Jerry's apartment. Kramer gets his feelings hurt and decides to thumb it to LA to try his hand at acting. Of course, Kramer encounters a plethora of weirdos along the way and winds up accused of the murder of a young actress. He scores a role on Murphy Brown as a male secretary before beating the murder rap.

In probably the most controversial Seinfeld episode, The Contest, aired on Nov. 18 1992. The episode introduced the phrase "master of your domain" to the public as Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine placed a bet in the coffee shop as to who could go the longest without, well, you know, "pleasuring themselves". Whether or not viewers remember who won the contest, millions recall laughing themselves silly.

In The Outing, another controversial pisode of Seinfeld, Jerry and George are reported to be gay by a writer doing a story on Jerry. "Not that there's anything wrong with that" is the catchphrase of the show and that's how the writers slipped the puck past the goalies known as NBC censors. The whole thing was a misunderstanding as Jerry exclaimed "I've been outed without ever being in!"

In The Pilot Pt. 2, the season finale of season four aired on May 20, 1993. In this episode, Elaine has the coffee shop investigated due to the bustiness of all the waitresses. Investigators were eager to check out the complaint. Kramer is having a problem with irregularity, leading him to consider the "dreaded apparatus". Casting begins for the Seinfeld pilot with Kramer and George having problems with the actors assigned to play them. Kramer digs the apparatus as it turns out.

On Feb. 10, 1994, George finally got to live out one of his dreams, that of being a marine biologist. Sort of. It seems in The Marine Biologist, Kramer has taken to hitting golf balls into the ocean. As George and his girlfriend, who somehow got the idea that George was in fact, a marine biologist, were walking along the beach, they came upon a beached whale. "Is anyone here a marine biologist?" someone asked. As the gang of four is sitting in the coffee shop, George recounts the tale. "The sea was angry that day, like an old man returning soup to the deli" the story begins. Costanza gets swept aboard the fish, mammal, Jerry corrects, by a huge wave. Something is obstructing the blowhole. With that, George pulls the offending object from his pocket. "Is that a Titleist?" Kramer inquires.

As season 4 wound down on May 12, 1994, a weekend trip to the Hamptons was planned for all the gang, including Jerry and George's new girlfriends. As George went off on an errand, George's new squeeze went topless in front of all...except George, who hadn't consumated the relationship yet. Since Jerry had seen her and not George, Costanza in a near psychotic state by then, decided to walk in on Jerry's girl as she undressed. Shortly after, the woman just happened to catch George with his pants down....right after he had been in the swimming pool. In cold water. "Do women know about shrinkage?" George demands to know from Elaine. "You mean laundry?' is the answer. No, Elaine is informed in comments about George having been "shortchanged". "You mean it shrinks" Elaine asks. "Like a frightened turtle" Jerry replies. This episode ranks awfully close to the top in Seinfeld lore in my book. George's "shortcomings and all.

source:wikipedia.org