Best Worst Day

"Hi Paul." Mr. Jensen's head suddenly appeared in the side of Paul's open office door.
The man must have crept up and leaned against the wall to get his head at that angle Paul thinks to himself while quickly trying to close down several Internet windows on his desktop.

"What you up to Paul?" Mr. Jensen asked while closing on Paul's desk rapidly.

"Uh...nothing...umm..." Paul stammered nervously.

"We need to talk Paul...Wanna guess about what?" Mr. Jensen said with a malicious grin stretched across his face.

"The porn thing again?" Paul said in a low voice, shamefully.

Mr. Jensen nodded his head saying "We have a strict policy regarding non work related internet usage Paul; your actions are simply unacceptable."

"Uh...yes sir, but I get so bored."

"Bored? Bored? How can you possibly get bored?" Mr. Jensen asked incredulously, sitting down in the chair across from Paul's desk,then pulling a paper from the file in his hand.

"It's just that...you see..." Paul started, relieved Mr. Jensen hadn't come around his desk.

"This is your internet usage sheet from yesterday Paul." Mr. Jensen said waving the sheet in Paul's face.

"I see." Paul said looking down at his lap.

"You should have known we would be watching you closely after our last conversation Paul."

"I really have tried to do better sir; I promise." Paul said looking up but not meeting Mr. Jensen's accusing eyes.

"Yes Paul and your production is up as well; but not up to the standard we require here."
Mr. Jensen continues "The work that you do produce is outstanding and is the only reason you were allowed to stay last time."

"I do try sir, you must believe me." Paul said feeling encouraged by that tiny bit of praise from his overbearing boss.

"Let's see here Paul." Mr. Jensen said flourishing the paper then looking down at it.
"Yesterday you arrived at 8:09; nine minutes late by the way; and you were logged into Facespace.com by 8:17 and Myplace.com by 8:33."

"I like Facespace better..."

"Then it continues all morning...Facespace.com, Myplace.com, Buybay.com, Chuckslist.com, Musicblast.com, the list goes on and on; or should I say .com to .com?"

"You could I guess."

"Really; just looking at your usage here it is surprising you are able to get any work done at all." Mr. Jensen said kind of chuckling to himself.

"I just buckle down and..."

"And what? Go to lunch?" Mr. Jensen sneered.

"Well, yes sir usually, but..."

"Then you come back and log into Faceplace and tell all your friends about what you had for lunch and maybe a funny little quip to go with it."

"How did you know about?..." Paul started.

"I made a fake profile of course; "Becky Bordson" I am already in your Top 10 friends Paul."

"The hot blonde? But how...I thought..."

"You do seem to like blondes, huh?"

"Yes I..."

"Then after your three more hours of social networking you move on to the porn." Mr. Jensen said with a flash in his eyes. "Three minutes at RahRahblondes.com, seven minutes at DiadraDoesDelware.com, twelve minutes at TalentlessHollywoodAmbition.com, then finally thirty-one minutes at BiBlondeBabesNBubbles.com to finish off your afternoon."

"I understand sir, thirty-one minutes seems like..."

"Thirty-one minutes of some of the most graphic images seen on the Web streaming to your desktop; and you say you get bored? What do you do for excitement Paul?"

"Uh...well..."

"That is fifty-three minutes of porn Paul; do you not know that everyone in the office knows what goes on in here? In this building where everyone knows if you fart in the bathroom even if you are all alone."

"Yes sir, I know, that is why I keep my door open at all times. Nobody can see my computer screen though."

"Do you think that makes it better? That it makes your "distractions" any less disgusting?"

"No sir, I just didn't think that it was that big an issue. I get some work done everyday; I just have a hard time concentrating on task."

"Ya think? People work hard in this office Paul. They know what you do in here and everyone thinks it is simply disgusting."

"Really? I had no idea everyone was so upset about it."

"Why shouldn't they be? They put in a full day's work while you sit in here all day socializing, then squeeze in fifty-three minutes of porn in the afternoon, leaving yourself what...seven minutes for actual work?"

"It's not like that everyday sir, yesterday was a particularly slow day..."

"That isn't far off from your average day, and people know it Paul."

"What does it matter what people think of me Mr. Jensen? I put out a tenth of the work they do, but my quality is what your customers love right? You make eighty percent of your profit off my work right? Look at the sales sheet."

"Well this is your third strike on this issue Paul. You have had your chances and have kept doing your thing in here. If I don't let you go then I will have to hire a whole new crew to work around you, I just can't do that Paul."

"I understand Mr. Jensen. I am sorry everyone here can't mind their own business and it may cost you your business."

"You can take your personals and leave the office now Paul."

"That's just fine with me! I hate it here..."

"I know Paul. You post it to Facespace.com almost every night." Mr. Jensen said venomously.

"Oh yeah...oops...looks like I will be freelancing from home, making your money on my own schedule huh?" Paul smirked.

"I don't think you have the work ethic to make it from home."

"How hard can it be? I can do everything I do here at home, all I need to do is contact some of your customers and tell them I have started my own thing."

"You wouldn't, you don't have the stones Paul."

"I do have the stones Mr. Jensen; look at what I did here. I can look at porn whenever and for however long I want from home. My "distractions" won't bother anybody. As a matter of fact Mr. Jensen, you probably did me a favor today." Paul laughed out loud. "Today is probably the best day of my life, actually."

"You will never make it. I'll start calling all my customers today to let them know how your average day is spent Paul. Your name will be ruined."

"Think so? I bet people really won't care what I do. I produce excellent work and that is all that really matters."

"You may be surprised Paul."

"Well I don't think it matters."

"How do you think we made this business so successful Paul? We take our work seriously and we work hard at it. That is what it takes to make it. Fifty-three minutes of porn."

"I don't think that the amount of porn I look at makes a difference."

"How can it not Paul? We here at OnlinePornCritic.com take porn very seriously. These people make porn their lives and you come in here and put in seven minutes of work after less then an hour of watching your assignments. That is just pathetic and you should be ashamed."

"Ashamed? That I can only watch a half hour of the crap we review before getting bored? That I can take that half hour and produce a review that will garner tons of attention in the business? That I would rather talk to friends and strangers on Facespace than watch that junk?"

"You are a skilled writer Paul, but to make it on your own you will need to put hours into watching film and you can't do it. You have proved that here."

"I can do whatever I want Mr. Jensen. I don't have to watch a ton of porn to pump out some lines that sleaze balls will eat up."

"Those sleaze balls pay your bills Paul."

"And they will continue to. Thanks Mr. Jensen...you made my day!"