Better Off Being Single? I Don't Think So!

In a recent article written by Dawn Yanek, she talks about 10 benefits of being single over being married. While being single can be an enjoyable time in life, I believe marriage has many more benefits. As a happily married woman I wanted to respond to her 10 reasons and share why I think getting married is the best thing I ever did.

Yanek's first benefit says that singles have a better body. My reply to this is while it may be true that some married people do tend to put on weight, I know many single people who put on weight through the years as well. In my experience, being married has motivated me to keep unhealthy weight off. My husband and I help motivate each other to eat healthy and stay active doing various activities such as tennis or taking a walk together. Being married is great because I automatically have an exercise buddy.

The second benefit of being single that Yanek mentions is that single people are more likely to achieve great things. While single people may have more free time to devote to their careers and personal goals and can achieve great things in that sense, being married by no means takes away from the ability to achieve great things. I know many married men and women who are very successful in their businesses. The business world is not the only area where there is great achievement either. I consider raising a family and having a stable home environment to be a great achievement. As a single woman I could never experience the joy of carrying my first child with my supportive husband by my side. Working side by side with my husband with the common goal of raising our children well and seeing them succeed in life is one of the greatest achievements I can think of.

Yanek says another benefit of singlehood is that you do less housework. While this may be true at times, getting married is not a life sentence of servitude and never ending housework. Right from the start of a marriage a couple can discuss how to divide housework. My husband and I made our expectations of each other clear right from the beginning. We have been married 1 ½ years now and I have not noticed a significant increase in the amount of housework I do. If anything, I mind doing housework less now that I am married because my husband and I usually will do our major cleaning together. Instead of being a chore, it is an activity that we can share together. It may not be the most fun activity I have ever done, but when we put on some music and go at it together it definitely lightens the load. In the end, we both feel good having contributed to our clean house and we can share in that enjoyment together.

The fourth benefit of being single over being married that is discussed by Yanek is the fact that you can do what you want with your money - including keep it. Yes, it is true that in marriage finances tend to merge, but again, it is not as bad as it sounds. Once again, in a healthy marriage, couples should be discussing their finances, making decisions together on how they are going to spread out their income. I do not monitor every purchase my husband makes and my husband does not monitor every thing that I do. We still allow each other the freedom to spend money. The reason behind this is that there exists a trust and understanding between us. We know what our common goal is, so we trust each other not to spend money in a way that will get in the way of reaching that goal. I used to want, want, want when I was single. I was always ready to go buy a new outfit or a new CD. Since being married, yes, I have had to curb some of my spending habits, but I have found that the quality of my life has drastically improved. I am so content with the things I have and feel so blessed, that I do not miss the "financial freedom" of being single at all.

Reason number 5 that Yanek gives as a benefit of singlehood over marriage is that single people have better sex. Yanek states that singles have better sex because it stays novel, with all of the playing and teasing that goes on in courtship. In my own experience, being married has not ruined intimacy at all. The intimacy of a married relationship is long lasting and in it is a very important sign of commitment. I have never had to worry that my husband would not be there the next morning, or worry that I would never hear from him again. If I become pregnant, I do not have to worry about whether the father of my child will be around for us. Being committed to my husband, and having no sexual relationships with anyone besides him, I do not have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases. My husband and I remain as happy today as we were the day we were married, in fact, things have only gotten better.

Benefit number 6, according to Yanek, of being single is that you are better rested and smarter. In the year and half that I have been married I have not noticed a decrease in my energy levels. If anything I think I am better rested now. I know I sleep better. I used to lie in bed for long periods of time before I would fall asleep during my single days. Since being married I am usually able to fall asleep within 10 minutes of getting into bed. Also, my husband and I go to bed early enough each night that we get 8+ hours of sleep. Again, this is much more sleep than I ever got as a single person. When I was single I wanted to be up late with my friends having fun and going out looking for hot guys! Now that I have my hot guy right there next to me, I am getting all the sleep I missed out on as a single.

Yanek states in reason number 7 that single people are less depressed. Yanek says this is especially true for women, as women in marriage tend to lose a sense of self. I could not disagree with this more. I have always been a chipper, happy person, but my levels of happiness and satisfaction have increased since marrying my husband. Having someone to share life with is so rewarding. My husband has a way of bringing out the best in me. Every day he is there to offer comforting words and to give me a boost in a time of need. I also am a support for him. There is nothing better than sharing a warm embrace with my husband. I have never felt a loss of self since being married. If anything, I have found out more about myself since marrying. My husband is always there to offer words of encouragement and give support as I pursue my own dreams and aspirations. He loves me for who I am and helps me see the good inside of me.

Another benefit of singlehood, says Yanek, is that you have better friendships. I disagree with this. I believe that when you are single you may have more friendships, but they are not necessarily better. In my experience, when a person gets married their social circle does tend to change. Once married, especially during those first few months, your spouse will probably be your main focus. As time goes on though and you reach out more to friends outside of marriage, I have found that my friendships are just as meaningful as they were before. I may not be able to devote as much time to my friends now, but the time we do spend together is just as meaningful and enjoyable for all involved. Some of your friendships may fade, but those that truly matter will endure.

Yanek says benefit 9 of being single is that your travel tales are enviable. I do not think this could be further from the truth. I know so many married people who have taken adventurous trips. One couple I know went on a two-year honeymoon traveling the world. They sold most of their belongings to fund the trip and had an adventure packed trip that I am sure they will always remember. Another married couple I know recently took a trip to Mexico where they spent fun filled days in the warm water scuba diving and fishing. I have never been the super adventurous type, so that has not really changed since I have gotten married, but my husband and I have still taken many memorable trips that I would not trade for anything. You definitely do not have to be single to take an adventurous trip that your friends will envy.

The final benefit of singlehood, according to Yanek, is that you know yourself and what you want out of a relationship. She talks about the benefit of age and maturity in knowing these things. I agree that it is important to go into marriage knowing who you are and knowing your expectations, but I do not think being older necessarily gives you an added benefit in this area. I married my husband when I was 21 and felt very prepared and confident. I knew this was the right decision. Though I was young I knew who I was. I knew what my life goals were. I knew, based on past dating experiences, the kind of man I was looking for. I knew that my husband was the right match for me. I am confident that had I waited to marry my husband, I would not have felt any more confident about my decision two years, 5 years, or even 10 years down the road. The right age to marry is different for everyone, and sometimes a 21 year old may be just as ready as someone who is 30.

I love being married! I would hope that every person would be as lucky as I am and find that special someone to share their life with. I remember my days of being single, and I look back at those times and remember a lot of really fun memories, but marriage has enriched my life in a way I never would have thought possible. Though the commitment to marry someone is life changing and can even be a little scary, it is definitely worth it.

Resources:

Dawn Yanek, "Are You Better Off Single?" MSN. URL:
(http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6320&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=7>1=8953)