Better Than a Quick Fix

With depression, life goes on; your just not part of it. You're stuck, dwelling on past losses, grieving for the good times you once had. A simple walk in the park doesn't open a new door for you; you're simply reminded of that same smell when you were with that special someone. Do you realize the pain that you're in? Do you know what this emotional distress is causing you? You need to take the first step. Eat, Drink, Play!! Come on down to the Wild Wing Café. We can take away your pain and leave it at the front door. Our bouncer Donnie will remove it from the premises. Now that you're here, try any of our new appetizers. We have bacon bombers! We have Fish Flippers! We even have the overstuffed basket of shrimp that you've been eyeing! Finish it down with a nice cold beer from any of our forty "on tap" brews.

We just added the only South Carolina brew to our collection and guess what? We make it in our very own kitchen! If that doesn't take away the pain, I know what will! Jump on stage and sing your favorite tune with the help of our house PA, it's guaranteed to give you some laughs! We've got this burly car guy that comes in once a week, his names Jimmy. Jimmy is one of those guys who has trouble trusting other people. He seems to burn inside every time we see him walk through our doors. He won't even accept a check from his own wife: but their pre-nup agreement is a whole nother story. He is a great car mechanic; but a sketchy one at that. He told Donnie that he wouldn't accept a payment plan from his own nephew and he sold his car just to make up for the money he fronted out of pocket. If that's not tough family, we don't know what is. He is pretty harmless as long as you don't talk about green rectangles. It's pretty funny though when he walks through the door, all tough with his friends; then as the night goes on those friends and him start to shake their groove thing on stage while they sing Pat Benatar. They are notorious for it! Just picture it in your head, a big guy with trust issues shaking away! We never have actually found out why he comes to the restaurant to sing and drink but we enjoy it. It always gives us some laughs. Check em' out! They come in every Friday night.

Now we all know that there is no need to be depressed once you're chilling at the Wild Wing Café, but we do have something that can help you if Donnie the bouncer wasn't able to haul all the pain away. We have a special lady who has a real insight into the way people talk to themselves, both in their relationships and deceptions. She's our bartender Barbie!

Barbie is really the total package. She is stunningly attractive and adorably nice. You usually don't get both qualities in a bar. She is at the ripe old age of 27 and stands at 5'4", the perfect height to talk eye to eye with customers, while they are sitting at their bar stools. She has a curvy figure with long, brown, sun kissed hair. She has a great tan all year round and can't seem to get any nicer. When the world throws a huge batch of lemons..well, you know the saying, there is a lot of lemonade. Barbie captures the hearts of all things and makes them feel warm and fuzzy. I've even heard of her once consoling a German Sheppard named Happy who was on the rampage because somebody stole his chew toy.

Whether you're sober or not, Barbie will listen to your story all night long. She gives kind, strong, but subtle advice to all our old men that come in crying. You know if she can make a dog happy, you're not that bad off. I have seen her console man who wanted to kill himself. It was really quite beautiful. "You know your better than that, there is no need to let her win the war by ending it for yourself.." (In a quiet narrator voice) We don't know why he thought it would be a good idea to drink while wanting to kill himself. Either way, Barbie did her magic.

Uh, Oh! Here comes Legs Luther. Don't worry. He's just a regular. He's known for feeling the ladies' legs after a drink or two. He's not all that bad though, we have had many women straighten him out with just one good left hook. He just licks his wounds after that and moves onto some new prospect. It's usually Barbie, because she is so good with the sob stories. So minus Legs Luther, we are really just like any shrink you pay for or any fancy pill you buy; but much cheaper! And!!! We throw in an untrusting money freak who dances to 80's female fire. (Pardon my comparison to Pat B. with female fire)

Sure that special someone was great, sure he was handsome, rich and sure she was smart; but we all know that they couldn't give it to you both ways. Well come in during our daily happy hour Monday through Friday between four and seven o'clock and get two for one drink specials. You can get that Margarita frozen or on the rocks and for the price of one! Was he able to do that!?! Or maybe you like your beer from the bottle but you like the look of our "keg cup", come on in during happy hour and get both of them for the price of one! Now boys, there is no way she got you the keg cup and the bottle....

We interrupt this Wild Wing Café report to tell you a joke! What do you tell someone with two black eyes? Nothing, they have already been told twice!!! Legs Luther tried to feel up that redhead across the bar. "Hey sugar lips! Who, I mean what you doin tonight?" BAM!!! She gave him the shiner on his left eye. Then he tried to play off the shiner to the blonde in the booth over there, she gave him a matching one on the other side that he could show off to his friends. "Girl you know I'm just trying to get some love." "Luther! You better shut the hell up!" We know return to your scheduled message.

Take an evening stroll through the zoo after your happy hour! With all those two for one drink specials, the experience should be a lot more fun. Maybe while you're there, if your still seeing straight, watch how the monkeys swing with such grace. If you're feeling a little bit better, give it a shot. Do I mean try and get back on your feet again? Do I mean find another special someone and take a chance? That is the whole reason why you need our help right? NO WAY!! Jump up on those limbs and try to swing with the monkeys! "AAAAHHHOOOOO AAAAHHOO!!" They're calling you name! Jump on in! That monkey over that is doing a scratch n' sniff; I would stay away from that one.

If you can't swing with monkeys, just look around and try to notice all the subtle beauties that nature has to offer. Watch the clouds swirl around your head while they make shapes of bunnies and mushrooms. Don't let the children playing on the swing set remind you of some lost hope that you had but let it inspire you for what your future entails you. No one likes to drink alone so why go to the zoo alone. Bring a friend, sit back on a bench and sober up with a nice cold smoothie; do some people watching. It always makes me feel better. After the zoo, come back with a monkey or two (if you can) and we will continue the party back here at the bar! Let us know how the tree swinging experience went, Barbie is listening, and Legs Luther is still crying..... "sniffle, sob...."