Beware Birth Mother Adoption Scams
The most common birth mother adoption scams are used to milk money from desperate couples who want to adopt a baby. Some birth mothers will promise their babies to more than one couple (sometimes up to twenty) and will request money for hospital bills, medical emergencies, rent, food and other needs. When a couple is unable to have a child, it can be easy to believe a birth mother's sob stories because it gets them closer to adopting a child. If you aren't careful, however, you could wind up with a big hole in your wallet and no child to show for it.
To protect themselves, most adoptive parents choose to work through a qualified adoption attorney or agency. This way, the proper forms and documents are signed and the pregnancy is verified independently. If you choose to adopt without the assistance of a professional, you run the risk of meeting with a birth mother who only wants your money.
Often, birth mother scams start with the birth mother calling a pregnancy hotline or contacting someone in child services. She'll tell that person that she doesn't want to keep her baby -- she might even say that the baby is a product of rape or incest -- and that she needs to contact couples who are looking to adopt. This way, she doesn't have to seek adoptive parents through an attorney or agency and the process isn't structured. Out of the kindness of his or her heart, the contact person will put her in touch with prospective couples, and the scam begins.
It isn't uncommon for adoptive parents to assist the birth mother financially, but it is important that any money goes through an agency or attorney first. It is also imperative that someone verifies the legitimacy of the birth mother's need. If she says she needs a test at the hospital, for example, the adoptive parents or a representative should be able to call the mother's OB/GYN to verify that information.
Even worse, some women who conduct birth mother scams aren't even pregnant and speak only with prospective parents who live out of state. She'll promise to bring the baby to the parents once the child is born -- and will usually request a plane ticket -- then will cash in the plane ticket and disappear.
Some birth mother scams involve mothers who never intend to give up their baby, but string along prospective adoptive parents up until the baby is born. This way, she is given money, rent, food, hospital care and a myriad of other luxuries but never has to give up her child. The law protects parental rights, so she can't be prosecuted for breaking the law. This is why adoptive parents are in such a risky situation.
When dealing with a birth mother, do whatever you can to ensure that it isn't a scam. Collect full contact information for the birth mother as well as her doctors. Never give the mother cash or a check directly; instead, provide funds only through your attorney or an adoption agency. You should also never purchase a plane ticket for the mother or ignore the fact that she misses appointments. Birth mothers can be very convincing and you don't want to fall into a trap.
Published by Steve Thompson
Steve is a full-time freelance writer. In addition to the more than 3,000 articles he's written for AC, he has also written articles and other materials for more than 100 happy clients. He enjoys writing abo... View profile
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- Work through a qualified adoption attorney or agency.
- Collect full contact information for the birth mother as well as her doctors.
- Birth mothers can be very convincing and you don't want to fall into a trap.
22 Comments
Post a CommentWe are in the process of adopting and child and there is one guy from Cameroon who is proving to be genuine. He has hired a an attoney and will be forwading the documents to in two days. Does anyone know if this is genuine or fake. We don't want to raise our hopes high only to heart broken in the future.
My husband and I were put into such scams three differant times. After the thrist time we gave up on adoption completely not willing to have what was left of our hearts torn out completely. It is extremely sad that a person would rather scam good people rather than actually work for a living and could be so cruel and cold hearted as to pull this kind of scam on people who have struggled with infertility. Anyone who has had to do this knows how devasting it is. There are many, many couples who found wonderful women that did give them the greatest gift of their entire life. And then there are those of us who were crushed and stomped on trying to have a family. I don't agree with lumping all into one group...but people do need to be aware this does go on and it will always go on as long as there are women and couples unable to conceive on their own.
This article has made me SO CROSS - this gives Birth Moms a bad press and it is hard enough to hand your baby to a stranger and LIVE WITH IT forever afterwards without people bad mouthing you in this way. I am sure there are unscrupulous people out there but it is not the norm and hence Birth Mums should not all be tarred with the same brush
ONLY adoptive parents put themselves at great risk? You've got to be kidding me. Expectant parents, banking on open adoptions that may not be legally binding in their state, aren't even TOLD that the adoptive family can close the adoption without warning or reason. And by using the term "giving up" you ARE showing that you ARE uneducated regarding adoption terminology, at the very least.
You are exactly right. I certainly don't believe in taking children away from a mother or trying to convince her that she should give up her children just because of her income level or her marital status. I'm grateful that my wife and I were able to adopt, but I certainly support the rights of birth mothers, and I find that giving one's child up for adoption is an enormous gift for that baby, provided there's a legitimate reason.
I do agree with you S. Thompson. Obviously, being properly cared for in the situation your children had experienced is a little more clear cut. And obviously being born to someone who is drug addicted or an alcholic puts them at a huge disadvantage developmentally. I get queasy though when "properly cared for" becomes an issue that discriminates based on income level. I think this concern, though, is becoming less prevalent in recent decades, in part because there is no longer a social stigma of being a single parent so unwed mothers are no longer labeled as being unable to provide for their children simply because they're single and unwed.
I agree Sharon, though I think that I would rather a child be adopted than live in a home where he or she can't be properly cared for and/or is abused. Of my three children, two were born to alcoholic and drug-addicted mothers who had the presence of mind to choose adoption. The third was born to a homeless woman. Thanks, Stephanie, for your kind comments, and I agree. Adoption should be a combined effort of the birth mother, social workers, counselors and health care professionals.
Nice article. I think it should be illegal to adopt outside of an agency. An attorney is not enough, and a desperate mother is not enough. There should always be a state agency of sorts, overseen by both proper state officials, mental health counselors, attorneys, and post-partum counseling should be mandatory for the birth mother. I hope all adoptive parents to be can be united with a child to call their own, and hopefully the laws against these scams will become tougher.
Except in cases of abuse and neglect, I do think children belong with their parents. I guess in an ideal world all birth mothers would want their children. However, I do think the number of birth moms who are coerced into adoption has definitely decreased in recent decades.
Sharon, you're absolutely right that children should not be viewed as a commodity. The system is flawed (as are all other systems). The number of children waiting to be adopted is far larger than the number of infants (an important distinction). The adoption industry is shady because of agencies, attorneys and birth parents whose goal it is to scam other people. And that's certainly not to say that birth mothers and fathers cannot be victimized, as well.