Beyonce and Ali Larter's "Obsessed" -- Movie Review: So Bad It's Good?

This screenplay could have been written in one day, with bathroom breaks and a two hour lunch. Unfortunately for the filmmakers, they were serious in their intention of making a serious drama/thriller, in the vein of "Fatal Attraction," "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle" and many, many more. Were they at all serious about the screenplay? If you saw the aforementioned films, then you have seen this one before, just put two African America leads.

Idris Alba plays Derek, a successful stockbroker happily married to Sharon, played by wannabe thespian Beyonce Knowles. After moving into their new home with their toddler son, Derek arrives at work and meets Lisa (Ali Larter), the attractive new temp who is assigned to work for him as the secretary. She proves to be more than intelligent and efficient. But Lisa's obsession with Derek becomes evident right away and dangerous to everything he holds dear.

This is where I got confused. After watching lots of meandering between Derek and Sharon in their pretentious life, filled with pointless, uninteresting dialogue, Lisa doesn't hide her deep attraction for Derek upon meeting him for the first time in the elevator. It was never clear to me who Lisa was replacing as secretary. At first I thought she was replacing the openly gay secretary Matthew. Then, after watching Matthew and Lisa engage as fellow secretaries for a while, I started thinking that Matthew was in on Lisa's plot to have Derek to herself, which would have been more absurdity for the already absurd. But, hey, this was that kind of movie. This isn't very relevant I guess. But, for me, this is where the film started down this slippery slope to pure garbage.

My biggest problem with the film was the idiocy of the characters. Everyone seems to have the combined I.Q. of a rock.

Derek spoke the words of a loyal man to his wife, but his actions expressed otherwise in my eyes. He did nothing to stop Lisa in her tracks, and proved that he wasn't smart enough to fend her off. I remember hoping that his character was conflicted, that we were watching a man who wanted to be loyal to his wife but he needed someone on the side. I guess that was me hoping for more from this one-dimensional tripe. But I was wrong. He was actually loyal to his wife. In fact, he was flawless, making him completely uninteresting. The filmmakers tried to make him a "good guy doll." Well, unwittingly to them, they gave him a flaw, the flaw of stupidity. The excuses he made for not shutting down this woman Lisa were downright preposterous. He was a useless, boring man.

Sharon was just there for the most part. She was brought in as the only one fighting off the insane Lisa with now famous lines like "I show you crazy" and "Do something about this b****, or I will." She actually pulled the impossible feat of being more uninteresting than Derek. And Beyonce's amateurish, flat, sleep inducing performance didn't help with the already paper thin character. She just doesn't have what it takes to be a great actress in my opinion. She could never stay in the moment. She comes and goes. After all the movies she has done so far, I would say that she is impressively bad as an actress.

Lisa was the biggest disappointment. She was obviously the smartest turnip in the bowl, which really doesn't say much, but she was just as shallow as the others. I was left with way too many questions about her. Where did she come from? Who was she before this story? Why Derek? What was that instant connection with Matthew all about? Why she kept asking Derek "what was wrong" when she sprung a new one on him? Did she actually get what she wanted when Derek was unconscious? They tried to make her mysterious after a while, but the filmmakers confused natural humanistic mystery with the "now you see me, now you don't" Batman crap. It was ridiculous.

The film played like the most expensive B-movie in the history of B-movies. It was no better than the worst straight-to-DVD flicks. That's what made it worthwhile for me. I was thoroughly entertained by this garbage. I was laughing at everything, just like I would for a bad-movie. I laughed at the dialogue. I laughed at the performances, like when Derek storms out on Lisa after her first aggressive pass at him in the bathroom stall and her calling after him. I laughed at what I now christen as "Beyonce's 'Obsessed' lines." I laughed at how big the baby boy was but he still needed his diapers changed. I laughed at the cop's late response to everything in such posh surroundings. I laughed at the predictably, brain dead actions of Sharon and Derek's babysitter and Matthew. I laughed at the contrivances. I would have to say, the funniest thing about this film was the believability of it all.

If you're looking for a truly well crafted drama/thriller like "Fatal Attraction" or "Chinatown," then I would advise you to skip this one. But, if you're looking for a ludicrous piece of farce, with straight-to-DVD bad acting, writing and directing masqueraded as a well crafted drama/thriller then by all means... have a good time.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give this film a 2/10.