Big Brother

The angel sat in silence on a bench at Furst Park feeding shredded bread to ducks that came out of the water. The ducks quacked their gratitude as they caught the bits of bread impeccably with their bills. That is, all except for one duck, that was particularly crabby that day and didn't feel like being patronized by bread or angel.

It was a cool afternoon. The sun had hidden from the world behind thick, foamy clouds like a man giving his alimony-hunting ex-wife the slip. Given the right frame of mind, it was the right kind of afternoon to check into the nearest hotel with a discreet co-worker for a brief extra-marital tête-à-tête. Or the kind wherein one leaves work early to find a bar and drink like a fish while telling one's sordid tale to a nodding bartender.

As afternoons go, it was definitely the lazy kind with nothing to do but feed the ducks and contemplate eternity.
Eternity, the angel thought. Eternity. The thing… the thing about eternity was that one had all the time in the world to do things, to do everything in fact. The thing about eternity was that, even if you're not the most popular angel or best-looking, even if you're the kind of angel that got picked last in games and didn't have a nose ring, odds are you will experience all the exquisite debauchery, nefarious thrills, and invigorating conversations the universe has to offer, if you haven't already. It all came down to numbers. It was just a matter of probability, you know?

Which is all well and good. It was very exciting, eternity as a whole. Except that in between the really exciting bits are great lumps of nothingness, of blankness, of utter shape-altering, mind-melting boredom when there was nothing to do but, well, feed the ducks.

The angel Gabriel thought of something to do. He thought long. He thought hard. Nothing. Damn.

It was times like this that he missed Lucifer most. Lucifer was always good for something to do. Had always come up with the best ways to while away the staggering amount of eternal time. He had a knack for it. Like the time he replaced the front legs of the kangaroo with something shorter while Father wasn't looking. There was no end to the laughs that one caused. And how about that time when Lucifer thought of this brilliant idea of using the moon for targeting practice? Created so many craters on the poor celestial body's surface that it became useless as a planet and had to be converted to a mere satellite.
The punishment the big G lashed out over that one, oh boy.

And then there was The Fall. Gabriel would be the first to admit that Lucifer's punishment, while a bit on the harsh side, was not without merit. What did Lucifer expect God to do after what he had done? I mean, honestly… rebelling was one thing. A little bit of vandalism here, changing the order of the solar system so that Jupiter and not Mercury is in the middle… easily forgivable, am I right?

But an assassination plot against God himself? Lucifer finally got to Him. He only had himself to blame for what happened next, really. Too bad though. It hadn't been particularly fun in the Silver City since The Fall.

In the distance, Gabriel caught sight of a pony-tailed, goateed figure wearing a black Armani coat over a black shirt and heavily tinted glasses (black).

Ah. Speaking of the Devil, pun definitely intended.

"Hey bro. What up?" Lucifer smiled.

"Now how did you know I'd be here?" Gabriel grimaced. He extended his hand, expecting a handshake but Lucifer, being his typical self, gave him a high five instead.

"You have no creativity," Lucifer said, picking up a loaf of bread Gabriel had been feeding the ducks with and regarded it for a
moment. "This is such a cliché."

"Oh right. The black coat, black shirt underneath, black trousers, black shades, very original. Don't you ever wear white?" Gabriel took the loaf from Lucifer's hand, tore pieces of it and tossed them at the ducks.

"White?" Lucifer feigning disgust. "White's for evangelists looking for a free handout. Besides, white doesn't clean easy."

"What? You can't just magic it away?"

"Yeah but I'll know it's there, right? It's not the same."

"So it's black from here to eternity?"

"With the occasional red, of course. I look smashing in red, even if I do say so myself," Lucifer grinned.

Gabriel sighed and continued to feed the ducks. Lucifer drew a vertical line in front of him, like unzipping reality, creating a thin black nothingness hanging in the air. He reached into the nothingness where, like a conjurer entertaining a mesmerized audience, he took out a six-pack.

"You know you shouldn't do that," Gabriel said carefully as he accepted a can from Lucifer.

"Why?" Lucifer said, setting the six-pack on the bench beside him. He opened a can and took a long, hard swig.

"Because people might see."

"So let them see. People don't believe in miracles anymore anyway," Lucifer pointed out, wiping froth from his mouth with his free hand.

Gabriel shrugged in a noncommittal manner.

Minutes passed without anyone saying anything. Gabriel was the first to break the silence.

"Hey! Let's do something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," Gabriel shrugged. "Something. Anything. I'm bored out of my mind."

"You should find yourself a hobby," Lucifer offered. He removed his dark glasses, took out a hand kerchief from his left breast pocket and cleaned his glasses with it. They say that the eyes is the window to the soul. Looking at Lucifer's eyes though one wouldn't see his soul because he had none. There was a lot of fire to see though. Fire and brimstone. Frankly not many people have glowing red pupils.

"Like what?" Gabriel's own azure-colored eyes tend to make people easily trust him with their life savings, whether or not he
asked for it.

Lucifer shrugged. "Anything. Cellular phones."

"Cellular phones?"

"Well no. Cellular phones is my hobby, see? Get your own hobby. I was just pointing out an example."

"Oh." Gabriel thought for a moment. "What is it that you do with cellular phones?"

"I buy 'em. I collect 'em."

"You collect cellular phones?" Gabriel's voice was incredulous. "Why would you want to do that?"

"I don't know. I like cellular phones. I collect them for… for sentimental reasons. They're the root of all evil, you know."

"I thought money was the root of all evil."

Lucifer laughed out loud, scaring half the ducks away. The remaining ducks were the more enterprising ones. The frightening howl of the devil may be something but bread tidbits is still grub. And grub is grub however you shred it.

"Money schmuney! A lot you know. Listen, money's old news. Money used to be the root of all evil. Now it's cellular phones. These humans are obsessed with it. They can't live without it. You know how many fatal car accidents last year were cellular phone related?"

"How many?"

This had the same affect as an accidental tread on the brake pad while traveling at 120 mph.

"What?" Lucifer said, uncomprehending.

"How many fatal car accidents last year were cellular phone-related?"

"I don't know! What am I, a statistician? A whole damn lot, that's how many! Anyway, I was being rhetorical. Ultimate evil. Mark
my words, cellular phones will bring the world to an end soon enough."

"Armageddon by ringtone… yeah whatever," Gabriel wasI clearly unimpressed. "So… uhm… how's everything down south?"

"Hot. And itchy. Sometimes it's just itchy. Mostly it's hot though."

"I thought you had air-conditioning installed?"

"Air-conditioning. Listen, you need a fucking big air-conditioner to cool up that place, I gotta tell you. It's like trying to make ice in the Sahara Desert. I had an air-conditioner installed in my room. It's really nice. Cools fast. State-of-the-art. Next day, poof! Got stolen. The place is swarming with fucking thieves. Where the fuck do they get the nerve to steal my stuff? My stuff? It wasn't even as if they could hide it, you know what I'm saying? I know the place like the back of my hand. You know what they said to me when I caught up with the thieves?"

Gabriel shook his head.

"They said they can't help themselves. It's their nature, they said. Unbelievable. The nerve!"

"People," Gabriel sympathized.

"If you can't trust the people you live with, who can you trust? Am I right?"

"What did you do?"

"I cooked them, that's what I did. Literally cooked them. 'You don't like it hot?' I said and fry their ass. That's irony, devil-style.
Hah!"

"Cute. And the air-conditioner?"

"I never got it back. Melted away in the Marshes of Undying Damnation."

"Damn!"

"You said it. What about from your end?"

"Not so good."

"Why? What happened?"

"I was bored. So I took one of the stars out for a spin. I mean, you know, you used to do it all the time. He acted like it's the end
of the world or something. It's not even as if I took the Sun. I got one of those little dwarf stars he doesn't even use anymore."

"Punished you, huh?"

"Fucking grounded me for two millennia! What am I, a kid? Been stuck here on Earth since 1000 AD. Another millennium to go. I'm going nuts here. Father's gotten worse than ever. Can't even talk to the guy anymore. Remember when we used to be able to approach him with stuff? These days, he's been… busy." Gabriel spat the last word with venomous contempt.

"Can't blame the big guy, you know. The universe is an awfully big place. Gotta pay the rent somehow."

"Yeah? It isn't always about bringing home the paycheck."

"Listen, you gotta give the old man some slack. I should talk, right? I know I've been particularly hard on him when I was still living up there, you know?"

"Nasty." Gabriel replied, his voice full of fond memories.

"Nasty. Right. And it's not all his fault. I mean, I know he's been neglectful, what with making Man and all that business with the dinosaurs. But he's just doing the best he can given his situation, know what I'm saying? We wanted more from him but it's not easy making things live with the breath of life while simultaneously raising up 70 trillion angels. C'mon, anybody can go nuts with that kind of responsibility."

"I guess," Gabriel said, a little uncertain.

"I say stick out the remainder of your sentence, right? Do something productive. Read a book. Hell, read all the books. Before you know it, your second millennium's done."

"Since when did you become so reasonable? You rebelled! You fell!"

"That's different. That's between Him and me. Besides, I had to move out sooner or later, right? Can't always be living under his shadow, right? Be my own boss."

"Yeah, in that hellhole you call a domain. Sure. Hades is better than Heaven any day.".

"Sarcasm aside, who was it that said 'better to rule in hell than serve in heaven?'"

"You think that's true?"

"You'll find out when you get to be my age."

Lucifer mussed up Gabriel's hair, annoying the younger angel.

"Quit it," he called out. Lucifer stopped. They looked at each other and were silent for a moment.

"Remember when you changed that Kangaroo's front legs? That was a riot," Gabriel finally said.

"That wasn't me."

"Yes it was."

"No it wasn't. Well, yes it was. But that was Michael's fault, not mine. He accidentally broke off one of the poor creature's front foot while playing with it. He got so scared that I tore off the other one, replaced them with the only pair of feet available. Unfortunately, it was a hell of a lot smaller than the original."

"And I suppose the horse wasn't your idea too?"

"Ah. That one was…" Lucifer paused to consider what he's going to say next. "That was a good one, wasn't it? What was it Father said when he saw what we've done with it?"

"'What's that sticking out between those legs? I don't remember making them that big.'"

Anyone watching them at that moment could tell that the two were desperately stifling a laughter that was building up inside. When they couldn't hold it any longer, it erupted into a cacophony of howls and chortles.

When the laughter finally died down, Lucifer looked at his watch.

"Listen, I gotta go. Got a thing."

"Yeah. I better get going myself," Gabriel said, wiping the corner of his right eye. "Thanks bro."

"Anytime. Listen. Don't be a stranger, okay? Let me know how this sentence of yours turns up."

"Okay."

"And if you're up to it, maybe you could crash my pad when it's time for you to move out. You know, keep an old guy like me out of trouble."

"You mean it?"

"Sure. That is… if you don't mind living in a hellhole."

"Oh. I was just teasing you about that. You have a cool place. Well a hot place but cool in a certain way. You know what I mean?"

"See you around, kid," Lucifer said as he left the bench.

"See you."

Gabriel waited until Lucifer was fully out of his sight before falling into another uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"'I don't remember making them that big…'" he muttered to himself.

He waited for another minute, just enough time to toss the last of the bread to the ducks by the pond. Then he stood up and looked around to check if anyone was looking.

No one saw the angel fold out his mighty wings, save for the ducks which weren't all that impressed because people with Jaguars aren't necessarily impressed by people who ride around in a Toyota - that is to say, they've got wings that are more aerodynamic and better mileage.

The angel flapped his wings and, slowly at first but quickly gaining speed, soared out into the beyond.