Big Burgers, Inc

I work in the Marketing Department at the Big Burger Corporation. Lately, sales have been on the wane despite our best efforts. I've been trying to find new ways of selling our hamburgers.

In frustration one day I called my associate, Mr. Witherspoon, into my office. Witherspoon is a diminutive man, about 5' 5", who is studious and punctual, but he's been ineffective. We met to discuss new marketing strategies.

"Mr. Witherspoon, has the TV marketing campaign been effective?" I asked.

"Not really", he replied. "The ratings on the TV shows seem to be high enough, but that hasn't achieved higher sales. Maybe it's a problem with the ads we're running. It could be inaccurate information from the TV networks."

"Well, Witherspoon, we're going to try something different" I said. I walked over to where Witherspoon was standing and continued: "In the future, we're going to try the direct marketing approach. Open your mouth." As he opened his mouth, I picked up a jumbo burger from my desk, grabbed the back of his neck, and shoved the burger as far as I could into his mouth. He gasped and murmured something as he grabbed my arm with both hands. He squirmed and struggled a bit, but I kept shoving the burger into his mouth. After about ten seconds, I let go. He bent over, grabbed his neck and tried to continue chewing and breathing.

"Witherspoon," I said, "Our potential customer's don't understand the taste advantage that our burgers have. Our burgers have flamed-broiled flavor that can't be matched by our competitors. The new marketing campaign is designed to really drive that point home. Got that?"

By this time Witherspoon had collapsed on his back and was simply trying to regain his breath. He was making noticeable sounds as he struggled for more air. I took a cola and stood above him. As I poured it slowly into his face, I said: "You see, Witherspoon, what the situation needs is strategic marketing with vision. I think this will make our customers appreciate the taste of our cola. Don't you agree?"

As he rose and stumbled out of my office, I shouted down the hall: "And remember the three keys to marketing success, Witherspoon: Sales, Sales, Sales."