Big Hair Ball - 80's Hard Rock & Heavy Metal Revisited

I don't know what it is. Maybe it was the tingle in my spine hearing an instrumental take on Black Sabbath's Iron Man over the end credits of the Jon Favreau movie take on the comic book character. Possibly due to that "Ace of Cakes" episode my wife made me watch where they made the 'devil horn's cake. It could be due to finding that surreal Thor -God of Metal YouTube video. Most likely, it was the lamenting of my lost youthfulness while in a self-medicated stupor due to a pulled muscle in my shoulder. Any way....I've had heavy metal "big hair bands" on my mind a lot.

Like you needed it, here's a short list of 80's hair band glam rock heavy metal power ballads no mix tape should be without:

Metal Health (Bang Your Head) - Quiet Riot - Everyone knows Cum On Feel The Noize more, but this song is better and was an original. Metal Health will drive you mad!

Poison - Alice Cooper - "I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison!" Yup, every other girl I ever dated. No, I'm not related to Alice in any way. I'm not worthy.

Cherry Pie - Warrant - My kids think this song is actually about pie. I plan on keeping it that way.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Poison - Every list needs this power ballad. I'm holding my lighter up and swaying as I type this.

Seventeen - Winger - This song was creepy enough when Kip Winger was 20-something and singing about a 17-year-old dish. Now, twenty years later and I want you to imagine Kip doing his 40-something thing at some club or fairgrounds someplace, belting this song out. Ick!

Round and Round - Ratt - I love the way this band name is spelled. I also still want the T-Shirt of the sewer rat frying on the amp (maybe it was a mixing board?). Ah...junior high memories.

We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister - An early, rebellious song. I wasn't allowed to watch this music video as a kid. At least not when Mom was watching me!

You've Got Another Thing Coming - Judas Priest - Breaking The Law is a bit more metal, but this works. Little known fact: My wife would be a Judas Priest groupie if we let her.

Nobody's Fool - Cinderella - Great song, crappy band name.

Here I Go Again - Whitesnake - Remember that brunette from the video, Tawny Kitaen that could backflip over the hood of cars? Is that why every brunette from 1986 onwards lied and said they were the one in the video?

Jump In The Fire - Metallica - Remember when Metallica was a hair band, before they got all whiny and went around suing Napster? Put on Kill 'Em All and recall simpler times.

Photograph - Def Leppard - Yeah, yeah, yeah....Hysteria was a more popular album than Pyromania, but...even my Mom listened to Hysteria. I have to retain at least one shred of dignity after posting this list.

Welcome to the Jungle - Guns 'N Roses - Paradise City is more 'arena rock', otherwise I may have added that, but this put Axl, Slash and the rest on the map. Too bad Chinese Democracy may be no more than a footnote to what was once such a great band.

Silent Lucidity - Queensryche - Needed another ballad for the list, but if you want my advice, as good as the Empire album was, every musician in worth his salt in that era knew Operation: Mindcrime was the album to listen too. A true concept album.

Peace Sells - Megadeth - "But who's buying?" Man, was Dave Mustaine a tool at times though. I'm glad he matured.

Caught In A Mosh - Anthrax - Anthrax rules! I hate lumping this in a hair band, 80's metal list, but the lyrics mixed with Joey Belladonna's vocals make this quintessential of the lifestyle of the time.

2 Minutes to Midnight - Iron Maiden - Maiden really needs to be listened to on an album level, but if you need just one song, this is it.

Too Young Too Fall In Love - Motley Crue - This song makes my wife laugh every time it is on. I think it's the "Your love's a guillotine" part. That and any recommendation for Shout at the Devil makes people look at me funny. I do live in the South now after all.

Bark At The Moon - Ozzy Osbourne - Another little known fact: My wife would have been an Ozzy groupie until she heard him speak. Wow...this is your brain on drugs!

Cowboys From Hell - Pantera - My buddy Rick and I played this song (and album) to death while road-tripping between Fresno and Sacramento (California) with nothing but a family pack of chili dogs and fries, or perhaps a ten-pack of tacos. Don't forget the beer money!

Last but not least:

Hot for Teacher - Van Halen - "I don't feel tardy". I wasn't supposed to watch this video when I was young either. Now I just lie and tell people I'm Waldo all grown up. "Got it made, got it made, got it made...."