Big Spenders in Berlin

A good American friend of mine has been in Berlin for a few months now but still cannot seem to figure out how to tip a German waitress properly. Actually, he has figured it out. He just cannot bring himself to do it, to tip the way everyone else in the restaurant expects him to tip. He means well, you see, and that is his predicament. It simply goes against the grain for him to be expected to tip so miserly.

They call it Trinkgeld (drink money) in Germany, although I too must admit that it is hard to believe how anyone could ever quench a thirst with the pitiful amounts of it that are put into circulation here. I have tried explaining this tradition to my friend on several occasions, for the final time again last night after the latest incident at a Croatian restaurant down the street from us, but I was not able to get through to him this time either and it is now time to move on to harder methods.

Tipping in Germany goes something like this: Service and tax are included--although the service part is not always evident to the uninformed--and therefore the Germans just "round up" the bill. That means that one gives the waiter €30 if the bill comes out to be 29.25, for instance, and nobody even turns red, feels insulted or gets into a fist fight. A tight-wad tip is perfectly normal here, in other words. No one can imagine leaving a 10 or 15 or even higher percent tip like one might want to do in the United States. And that is why no one here ever does.

No one here except for my buddy, it seems. And I am now convinced that he cannot help himself either. He might understand that he is generous by nature, which is good, but what he does not understand is that people here fail to see his generosity as being generosity whenever he leaves an American tip, which he invariably does, which is bad. Judging by the expressions on their faces they tend much more to think that he is a crazy man. This can be either good or bad, of course, depending upon the situation, but is in this case bad.

I saw that crazy man expression again last night and decided that it will be for the last time. I will pay for our restaurant visits from here on out and will leave the cheapest tips imaginable and I won't even consider turning red. That way everyone will be happy. My friend will give me his share later when we are alone again, of course, although I will reserve the right to expect from him a decent American tip for my services. Our dining companions already know that he is not a millionaire, but from now own they can also rest assured that he is not more mentally imbalanced then they are, which is all one can ask of cultivated dinner guests these days, don't you think?

And here, dear reader, is a little tip for you should you ever find yourself in the embarassing situation of having to pay for a meal in Germany: The waiter or waitress will eventually come to tell you your total. Imagine for a moment that you are the stingiest person alive, do a quick calculation, and then announce how much you will pay (round up). That is, how much he or she will be able to keep as a tip. If the amount is €8.60, for instance, hand over a €10 note and say "9 Euros." Do not feel embarrassed for having said this. The waiter or waitress will then will dutifully give you €1 in change, keep her 40 cent tip and will not even think ill of you. Nor will the other guests. Do not turn red. Honest.

This is how it's done. The really shocking thing is that after about the fourth or fifth time you don't even notice it anymore and the only time you might turn red is if some ignoramus like my buddy tries to leave an American tip. Which he won't. I've taken care of that.

Fortsetzung folgt (to be continued).

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Originally from California's Central San Joaquin Valley and washed ashore on the coast of old West Berlin, Charles Larson is a freelance writer well versed in German and German culture. For more info, feel free to visit his website at EnglishPro & Co.